Live performance parenting on a train. In the quiet coach

[Gribbie]

Lighthearted - I don’t really mind (except the singing), it’s nice that mum is interacting with him.

I’m on a train for 4 hours. In the quiet coach. Mum and DS probably around 2ish. Started off counting to 3 in various languages (English, Welsh, french, german and Spanish I think). Then DS bit mum. The response was to say “who does that at nursery? If you want to bite I’ll give you a cake to bite.” There has been a hitting incident and another bite since. Now they’re reading/signing nursery rhymes. Old fashioned shite ones. I’ve not got my headphones. Help me. I’ve got an hour to go.

Its probably preferable to a tantrum or whinging!

Indeed. Although there has been some of that.

Who even takes a toddler in the quiet coach? Are there 2-year-olds who sit in silence, ever?

Join in with the singing. Off key

Trouble is, when you reserve seats you can't specify NOT the quiet coach so the mum might not have realised they were going to be in there

I think I might try going around biting people if the response will be to give me cake

What a nice reward for biting...

I was sitting opposite a dad and his little boy (4ish) yesterday on a train to London.

Dad: shall we go straight to the museum darling, you love museums, we learn so much don’t we

Boy: I want to go to McDonald’s

Dad: oh we don’t do McDonald’s you know that, we’ll go to the museum then find a nice cafe

Boy: I want to go to McDonald’s, Sam goes to McDonald’s ...

It went on and on 😂😂

Wow they should NOT be in the quiet coach!! I’d ask if they’re aware they’re in the quiet coach.

[grin} @ kitsandkids

The cake thing did amuse me. When he bit the 2nd time I nearly said that he wants more cake.

I feel a little mean now. She isn’t too loud and they’re snuggled up reading Hansel and Gretal now (one of my least favourite kids books - weak father putting the step mother above the kids).

It probably sounds like I am performance parenting my 4yo DS when I am out and about, but he is autistic so I have to speak loudly and clearly so that he understands, with a lot of verbal reinforcements and commentary on what he is doing. So if we were in that coach with you now I can guarantee you would think I am performance parenting when actually I am just parenting my autistic child in the best way I know how.

Who the fuck would take a 2 year old into a quiet carriage. I have a 2 year old and I feel utter panic at even the thought of that 😂

The quiet carriage may not have been her choice, to be fair: when you reserve tickets online (with a family railcard and including at least one child ticket), the system often gives you seats in the quiet carriage and you don't know until you board the train.

I don’t bother with the quiet coach any more. People are not quiet in there, and noise is somehow even more annoying when you know people should not be making it. I’ve invested in noise-cancelling headphones and don’t go anywhere without them.

As far as I can tell "performance parenting" is Mumsnet-speak for any interaction with your child in public that isn't pulling them up on their manners. I don't know what we're expected to do, really. My child is under 2. She can entertain herself for about twenty minutes at a time. The rest of the time she wants to talk to me and the thing she enjoys most is going through the words she's learned. So the best way to entertain her on the train is to let her name body parts or trees or whatever. It's not for anyone else's benefit (except indirectly in that it's better than her howling or trying to run up and down the train).

No way would I get in the quiet coach with her, mind you

I was worried I’d keep everyone awake with my snoring 😂

I’ve got little kids (although thankfully slightly past this stage) so I remember what it’s like. It just...the quiet coach.

As far as I can tell "performance parenting" is Mumsnet-speak for any interaction with your child in public that isn't pulling them up on their manners.

No it’s not! @BigSandyBalls2015 has given a perfect example
It’s speaking to your child in order to announce to anyone in earshot that you’re a veh veh good and wholesome parent

Blaming nursery for biting again. “Who bites in nursery” - going on the last hour I’d say probably your child!

The cake thing made me laugh. My boys would bite me all the time if it got cake in response.

I'd say that's not really performance parenting - that's just how you parent a 2 year old! They're not exactly known for sitting quietly. Ok, the cake/biting thing isn't ideal but the rest sounds very normal.

Our DS is bilingual, sometimes we go through things in 2 languages, I hope people don't think we're putting on some kind of performance!

As far as I can tell "performance parenting" is Mumsnet-speak for any interaction with your child in public that isn't pulling them up on their manners.

Yep, it often appears to be that way.

Although bigsandyballs2015's example actually is performance parenting.... the OP's is not - it's just bloody unfortunate they're in the quiet carriage.

And it's definitely better to do all that than shove an iPad or phone in front of a toddler's face.

I was on a train with my three year old and he was happily watching his tablet (yes judge away havelock). The train suddenly stopped and he took his headphones off and said, very loudly, "Ugh, fucking tracks"

As an aside, I really don't get what the issue people have with children using tablets and the like (as long as they are using headphones etc). I mean, that's what I do on a long train journey. I don't want to have endless chatter about the trees and the birds, I want to chill out.