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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Live performance parenting on a train. In the quiet coach

414 replies

Gribbie · 01/07/2019 09:37

Lighthearted - I don’t really mind (except the singing), it’s nice that mum is interacting with him.

I’m on a train for 4 hours. In the quiet coach. Mum and DS probably around 2ish. Started off counting to 3 in various languages (English, Welsh, french, german and Spanish I think). Then DS bit mum. The response was to say “who does that at nursery? If you want to bite I’ll give you a cake to bite.” Grin There has been a hitting incident and another bite since. Now they’re reading/signing nursery rhymes. Old fashioned shite ones. I’ve not got my headphones. Help me. I’ve got an hour to go.

OP posts:
bigKiteFlying · 01/07/2019 11:13

Unfortunately a quiet coach is only a phone-free environment, not talking-free

A lot of people don't seem to get that IME.

I personally would try and avoid the quiet carriage with children just to avoid unnessary upset but seat reservations don't give you that option.

YouJustDoYou · 01/07/2019 11:14

It's great to see parents interacting with their children - but not noisily in the Quiet Coach

^^This. I love how the sanctimums have come out. Jesus, op said she's fine with it, it's just that the mum was doing it loudly in the QUIET COACH.

LaundryIsADisease · 01/07/2019 11:14

I got put in the quiet coach twice when travelling with small kids. Nightmare. Second time we found seats elsewhere, but the first time we didn't realise straight away and there was nowhere to move to. Oh the shame Grin.

MirriVan · 01/07/2019 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouJustDoYou · 01/07/2019 11:15

EG, one of the train companies states "Quiet Coach. Keep the peace. If you want to catch up with work, read, or have a doze, you're more than welcome in our quiet coach. You'll find our havens of peace in coach B. If you're in the quiet coach, the idea is to keep the noise down". Etc. It's not just for phones.

EarlGreyOfTwinings · 01/07/2019 11:17

Wouldn't it be good if trains offered a noisy children coach?

I have seen some in France Grin
Well, pretty sure that's not what they are called exactly, but that's what they are.

MrsFrisbyMouse · 01/07/2019 11:17

We all know that the good behaviors are down to our excellent parenting skills and the bad ones they catch from other children. Wink

NoSauce · 01/07/2019 11:19

And it's definitely better to do all that than shove an iPad or phone in front of a toddler's face

Erm no it’s not. It’s a quiet coach for a reason, nobody wants to hear a woman and her her child constantly wittering, people choose the quiet coach for a reason!

chamenanged · 01/07/2019 11:19

I expect I sound like performance parenting when I'm empathising emotively with my kids ("oh you're so, so angry that you can't sit by the window it's making you really reeeeaaaallllly cross! i wish I could let you sit by the window but the problem is someone else is sitting there! Oh you want to throw the whole bus into space? That would show everyone how mad you are"). But you get 5 mins of that or 45mins of tantrum because she can't sit by the window (because someone else is sitting there and its on the other side of the bus).

This sounds like not only very irritating performance parenting but also a passive aggressive hint for the person in the window to move and let your kid sit there!

butteryellow · 01/07/2019 11:19

Perhaps it's just mine, but I read bigsandyballs2015 conversation completely differently (it probably wasn't, she was there to here it), more a desperate mum who's trying to get some variety.

If it was my kids, they, too would be wanting to go to Macdonalds. I have no problem with Macdonalds, they go to Macdonalds - BUT on a day out, I really would like to go to a nice cafe at the museum rather than go to Macdonalds like we can any day of the week!

MrsFrisbyMouse · 01/07/2019 11:21

And in other more child centred countries there are excellent facilities of trains for kids. Norway has dedicated carriages with soft play and climbing areas.

EarlGreyOfTwinings · 01/07/2019 11:21

This sounds like not only very irritating performance parenting but also a passive aggressive hint for the person in the window to move and let your kid sit there!

I am hoping that poster was being sarcastic, no one can be that ridiculous in real life, can they?

slashlover · 01/07/2019 11:24

I took my toddler a similar age on a long train journey a few months back, I downloaded a few things onto the kindle and he happily sat watching Peppa, paw patrol etc with the volume on very low. No one wants to listen to you singing and clapping for 3 hours whether it’s the quiet coach or not!

I'd rather listen to a child singing and clapping than 3 hours of Peppa Pig, even on low. Ipads/kindles/phones without earphones is incredibly annoying for everyone else.

NeckPainChairSearch · 01/07/2019 11:25

OP is sat publically shaming someone who is no doubt trying REALLY hard to prevent any whining and tantrums on that train, for the benefit of other passengers

I agree. MN (not a collective term, just the trend of posts) is usually very good at shouting that we MUST NOT JUDGE. If a parent was feeding a child Haribos and letting them watch a screen for five hours straight there would be any number of DO NOT JUDGE comments - it's a snapshot of their lives, could be a whole bunch of circumstances for this, no-one died of screens and sugar etc.

It's just when a mother - it's usually the mother - dares to try this kind of shit with her child in public that the gloves come off and everyone judges away like fuckers. Nice.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 01/07/2019 11:26

I love how the sanctimums have come out. Jesus, op said she's fine with it, it's just that the mum was doing it loudly in the QUIET COACH

But only after people had said errrm nope your being judgemental she's interacting perfectly nornally witg her child. Ie she realised the thread wasn't going her way. And no one else was laughing at this oh so hiliarious parent not preformace parenting.

As for the "quiet coach" issue thats been explained as when you reserve seats as a mum with a 2 year old would. You don't get to select which coach it is. And btw op it doesnt matter their were empty seats in the non quiet coaches they werebt the ones that were booked.

CherryPavIova · 01/07/2019 11:26

I think OP was attempting comedy/quirkiness.

MRex · 01/07/2019 11:28

Norway has dedicated carriages with soft play and climbing areas.
Right, that settles it, we're going to Norway on holiday. Is this all trains? How do I book these magical trains? We could travel all over and actually enjoy it with trains like that!

NeckPainChairSearch · 01/07/2019 11:29

It's an AIBU about a mother 'performance parenting' her child. It's really pretty obvious which way that's going to go.

deplorabelle · 01/07/2019 11:29

Our children are older now but we did many miles with young children and we've booked loads of child seat reservations with our family Railcard. I'd say well over 70 percent of them have landed in the quiet coach. We booked seats because we needed guaranteed seats. Do you suggest seriously that we should have gathered up stuff and tiny wobbly children too short to reach handholds and nomadically wander through train looking for somewhere else to sit?

Until you can opt to book or not book quiet coaches AND they are labelled from the outside of the train so you can see what carriage it is before getting on, it is not fair to enforce quiet on people who didn't choose to be there.

stucknoue · 01/07/2019 11:30

I think it's refreshing, too many parents turn on an iPad and headphones on their little darling so they can do their own thing. You would have hated me! We didn't have the benefit of smartphones so the 3-4 books would be read over and over again!

Original poster
Gribbie · 01/07/2019 11:31

Read my first sentence! It’s lighthearted. I have kids. I know it’s hard. I was just looking forward to a quiet journey.

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 01/07/2019 11:34

"If they are in the quiet coach tell them to (or get a guard to) be quiet!*. What, get the guard?! It's the quiet coach not the silent coach- would you get the guard or complain about any one else having a conversation?

Frankola · 01/07/2019 11:34

When you book your tickets you cannot state that you don't want to sit in the quiet coach. The mum is likely to just have been seated there with no say.

Undoubtedly when she realised she was in the quiet coach she was bricking the trip even more.

And for people saying there were loads of other seats in other coaches; there may well have been,but would you want to start traipsing up and down a train to find new seats with a toddler and all of their associated paraphernalia? I certainly wouldn't. And I'm pretty sure that would defeat the object of reserving seats in the first place.

I just find incredibly sad that you literally cant do anything anymore without people thinking they can judge you or make jokes at your expense.

MRex · 01/07/2019 11:36

@Gribbie - you could also have just moved. I wouldn't sit in a quiet coach and won't end up there because I'm never organised enough to book seats, but if the mum booked seats then it's a massive pain for her to move. Not so hard for you to wander through to find a quiet spot in another carriage, the other carriages are rarely chock-full of partying teenagers.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 01/07/2019 11:37

I've never forgotten booking a table in the quiet coach so I could catch up on my coursework on the train, and finding it had been taken by two adults who talked at the top of their voices the whole way.

TBH, a toddler being taught to count in Welsh would have been restful and far easier to ignore.

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