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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell my sister?

189 replies

Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 20:47

Youngest sister is having a milestone birthday in August. Her DH is taking her to Peru so that she can avoid having a big party, as she does not want one.

However, oldest sister has announced to everyone that she is going to host a surprise party for youngest sister "as she wants one really" and we're all sworn to secrecy.
AIBU to warn youngest sister about this so that she can avoid attending a bash she does not want?

After all, she is leaving the country on purpose to avoid having a party in the first place.

OP posts:
Ohhgreat · 28/06/2019 20:48

Yep, I'd warn her

VaggieMight · 28/06/2019 20:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Mollie85 · 28/06/2019 20:50

Can’t you just tell older sister she doesn’t want it and not to waste her time?!

TooOldForAllThatShit · 28/06/2019 20:50

Why not just tell the oldest that she is going away?

Whathappenedtooursummer · 28/06/2019 20:50

Is older dsis miffed her dh is taking the birthday credit?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/06/2019 20:51

You should talk to your older sister first.

Original poster
Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 20:51

@Vaggiemight

Yes, she knows. We were all at a funeral recently and younger sister announced her plans to go away so that she didn't have to endure a big party.

Older sis then got a few of us together so that we could check our diaries. Older sis loves parties and cannot understand why anyone wouldn't want one.

OP posts:
GreenDragon75 · 28/06/2019 20:52

No - keep out of it. She will probably enjoy it. All my special birthdays have been low key but would have loved a suprise .

AguerosAngel · 28/06/2019 20:53

I would want to be told OP, I’d struggle to trust anyone again who I found out knew about it before hand and didn’t tell me, it would change our relationship forever, and not in a good way.

Please tell her.

RickAstleyGaveMeUp · 28/06/2019 20:54

Let it slip 'accidentally'.

Leeds2 · 28/06/2019 20:55

Tell her.
If I was ever unfortunate enough to walk into a surprise party held on my account, I would walk straight back out and not come back. Some people do NOT like surprise parties.

Original poster
Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 20:55

@GreegDragon75

Younger Sis (YS) definitely would not enjoy it.

Older Sis (OS) cannot conceive that someone wouldn't enjoy a massive party for themselves. She booked a hall and entertainment for all her milestone birthdays.

OP posts:
Whathappenedtooursummer · 28/06/2019 20:56

My friend's dh did a surprise 40 th .. Was cringey as hardly anyone came as he hadn't known to invite. Lots of early leavers with a list of excuses. We bumped into them all at the local nightclub later on. Some had even taken bottles of plonk from the party! Your older dsis is a plonker imo.
And selfish given your update.

mistermagpie · 28/06/2019 20:57

Tell her. I would hate that kind of surprise and would much rather be warned. I was thrown a surprise hen party once and I found it very stressful.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/06/2019 20:59

Older sis loves parties and cannot understand why anyone wouldn't want one.

FFS. I can't stand people like your older sister. Given your updates, I would tell your youngest sister about the party and I would tell the eldest what an absolute prick she is.

Original poster
Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 21:03

Apart from anything else, I live 500 miles away from both of them and will have to spend a few days and quite a lot of money attending a party which YS will not enjoy.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 28/06/2019 21:04

If she'd go to Peru to avoid a party I would warn her. Your older sister sounds selfish.

bridgetreilly · 28/06/2019 21:06

Tell younger sister about the plans and tell older sister in no uncertain terms that she is being selfish to plan a party that her sister does not want.

Graphista · 28/06/2019 21:07

I'd speak to both sisters.

Older sister to tell her to stop being a selfish, attention seeking, glory hunting twat who assumes everyone likes the same things!

Younger sister so she can avoid said unwelcome party and also give older sister what for!

Older sister is a total dick for such behaviour. Can you spread the word among potential guests too?

Original poster
Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 21:08

OS thinks YS will be thrilled.

I am quite sure she won't be.

I can actually see a scenario where YS walks out.

OP posts:
MorningRichie · 28/06/2019 21:11

Tell YS so she (and you) can avoid it. Dont tell OS so she gets humiliated and she might learn some manners.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 28/06/2019 21:15

Tell her. If my sister did this I’d hate it and my husband knows it. Tell her ASAP.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 28/06/2019 21:16

If OS won't listen to reason, I'd tell YS.

mouldyhousemouldylife · 28/06/2019 21:17

She will probably enjoy it.

Did you miss the entire point of the thread and the part where she fled to PERU to avoid a party?

LadyRannaldini · 28/06/2019 21:17

Let her go ahead and have no guest of honour if she insists on foisting her wishes on the birthday girl!