Should I tell my sister?

[Jemima232]

Youngest sister is having a milestone birthday in August. Her DH is taking her to Peru so that she can avoid having a big party, as she does not want one.

However, oldest sister has announced to everyone that she is going to host a surprise party for youngest sister "as she wants one really" and we're all sworn to secrecy.
AIBU to warn youngest sister about this so that she can avoid attending a bash she does not want?

After all, she is leaving the country on purpose to avoid having a party in the first place.

I hated the idea, did not want a celebration and wanted to go skiing. Went out for dinner one night and thought it was weird that my friend and her dh were there, then saw a few others and then boom, I was in the middle of a party for me. And it was AMAZING. I was so moved by them all planning that .....for me . Don't tell.

Yikes - sorry. Had not finished the thread!:)

I was thinking you may be over reacting a little until you mentioned your ex. If that is indicative of her 'consideration' for others then I get the whole picture!

Wow, your OS is a piece of work, isn't she? Does she have much with your ex normally or is this just her way of getting back at you for having the nerve to call her out on organising a party that isn't wanted anyway? Poor you and poor YS if this is the case.
For the record, I would HATE a surprise party...

I have discovered (via DD) that my ex-husband was invited long ago.

He was invited long before I discussed the party with OS and pointed out to her that YS didn't want a big bash.

Now I am very very angry indeed with OS. WTF was she thinking?

Was she just going to let me discover him there, at the party, without telling me? And why is she inviting him anyway? He hasn't been a member of the family for twenty two years.

It sounds like drama at all ends tbh. She's a dick for inviting your ex but other than that surely you can just have said to her 'she won't like that so I'm going to run it by her and I won't be travelling for it, sorry". Unless your YS has some sort of anxiety or personal issue what is the problem? It wouldn't have killed her if she had turned up, she could have just politely said hello for 10 mins and left, or more crucially just called herself and said thanks but no thanks. All this planning and whispering and calling husbands and secret keeping is like the school yard and I'm not surprised everyone falls out the time if this is the dynamic.

You sound scared of standing up to your older sister OP and as though the younger is coddled. Just tell her its inappropriate and don't go, don't rise to the rest of engage in these ganging up phone calls that seem to just make it worse, to take down a party nobody ever needed to attend . You really could have just said no she won't like it I'll have to tun it by her, done that, and let her deal with it.

You really could have just said no she won't like it I'll have to run it by her, done that, and let her deal with it

That is actually exactly what I did, dontgobaconmyheart

But thanks for the advice.

What happened with the party OP?

What happened with the party OP?

It isn't for another two weeks.

I've dodged a bullet there. None of my DC want to go although one DS did say he'd come "out of solidarity." So none of us are going.

I can't believe OS invited my bastarding ex.

Is YS going? If not, what is OS saying the party is even for? Bizarre!

@CraftyYankee

Yes, she is going. OS had to tell her eventually and also promised it would be a quiet affair.

At least it is now by YS's choice, Jemima, so the unwanted element of surprise has been removed. Hope you are okay.

Does anyone believe OS at this point?

Probably not.

But I shall not be there to watch it all go horribly wrong.

I'm sure my Ex can console my older sister in the event of disaster.