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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I tell my sister?

189 replies

Jemima232 · 28/06/2019 20:47

Youngest sister is having a milestone birthday in August. Her DH is taking her to Peru so that she can avoid having a big party, as she does not want one.

However, oldest sister has announced to everyone that she is going to host a surprise party for youngest sister "as she wants one really" and we're all sworn to secrecy.
AIBU to warn youngest sister about this so that she can avoid attending a bash she does not want?

After all, she is leaving the country on purpose to avoid having a party in the first place.

OP posts:
BobLemon · 15/07/2019 17:46

Soupdragon speaks wisdom.

Also, a PP compared this party to the cup of tea analogy, not rape, FFS

SummerSix · 15/07/2019 17:55

Warn her. My 30th is in August and I'm youngest sister too 🧐.

If it were me I'd want to be warned so I can avoid it at all costs.

Anniegetyourgun · 15/07/2019 18:16

I doubt very much whether OS would see the light, regardless of whether YS was warned. If the whole thing is a disaster it will be someone else's fault, of course. If you cheerfully ignore another person's clearly expressed point of view you won't be the type to go "oh silly me, I should have seen that coming".

toldmywrath · 16/07/2019 08:21

@Jemima232 how did you get on with little sister's husband? Did you manage to sort something out?
Smile

Original poster
Jemima232 · 16/07/2019 10:49

@toldmywrath

(and anyone else who's interested)

I phoned YS's DH and told him. He said he'd talk to my YS (his wife) and tell her. He asked for the email so I forwarded it to him.

He did say that he was glad I'd let him know. He was absolutely outraged not entirely surprised as OS does have form for this.

I've decided to wait a bit before deciding whether to go or not. It's 500 miles away but it would be lovely to see the family I don't see very often.

OP posts:
SingingLily · 16/07/2019 11:17

You did the right thing, Jemima. Speaking as someone who was put in the same position as your YS, I would have been eternally grateful if someone had done that for me.

Everydayimhuffling · 16/07/2019 11:23

I wouldn't pass it back to YS since OS is ignoring her. You've already told OS as has YS. "Accidentally" reply all with something like, "YS specifically told you she wanted a quiet BBQ with immediate family only, since you were so insistent that she have a party in the first place. If you are still ignoring her wishes then this party is for you, not her, and is entirely about your own selfish desire." Then guests can decide for themselves if they want to attend: hopefully it'll end up just a quiet family BBQ after all...

sneakypinky · 16/07/2019 11:24

I'd have forwarded the email straight to YS when I got it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2019 11:25

Totally agree - you did the right thing. Now your YS won't be put in a position that would be potentially dreadfully upsetting for her.
HOpefully her DH will phone your OS himself and tell her in no uncertain terms that this is NOT going to happen - but in all honesty, if I were them, I'd just not go because clearly your OS is refusing to listen.

Maybe your OS can have her family/ friends party anyway, for no particular reason. And maybe one of you could help her DH/DP/OH organise a "Big birthday" surprise party for her next one, as she clearly DOES enjoy them.

toldmywrath · 16/07/2019 11:30

Thanks for the update Jemima

I'm relieved on your younger sister's behalf. I'd absolutely hate a surprise party.
My DH once invited some "surprise" guests to a party I knew about. He'd never do that again bad history between me and the surprise.
It was a party for a significant birthday for me, certainly memorableGrin

Blueoasis · 16/07/2019 11:36

You did the right thing.

The people saying stay out of it are really just the same people as your OS. Selfish people who fail to comprehend that some people hate big parties like that. It's not difficult to understand, it's thinking about what other people like. But they can't do it. Just ignore them.

Original poster
Jemima232 · 16/07/2019 11:43

Maybe your OS can have her family/ friends party anyway, for no particular reason. And maybe one of you could help her DH/DP/OH organise a "Big birthday" surprise party for her next one, as she clearly DOES enjoy them

Ha!

OS is always having parties for no particular reason.

Her whole family (3 DC) and her DH always organise a big private party in a hotel for her significant birthdays, with entertainment and a big meal. And games and quizzes and fireworks.

It takes them about a year to do it.

OP posts:
TheDandyHighwayman · 16/07/2019 11:43

Just arrange with YS and her DH to do something else on the night but don't tell OS. Let her deal with the embarrassment of the guest of honour not turning up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2019 14:04

BLimey!! Oh well, she can go ahead and have her big party for no apparent reason and your YS can just give it a miss and probably won't actually be missed that much!

Original poster
Jemima232 · 17/07/2019 18:46

Well, I'm not going to this shebang.

Have just found out that OS has invited my appalling Ex to it.

WTF?

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 17/07/2019 18:53

Punishment for spoiling the surprise?

StCharlotte · 17/07/2019 18:56

Have just found out that OS has invited my appalling Ex to it.

Shock Why would she DO that?!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/07/2019 19:07

Well, OS has given you a great gift now.......A perfect excuse.

My lordy, what a twat she is.

Original poster
Jemima232 · 17/07/2019 19:12

Time to go NC.

Again.

OP posts:
JaimeBronde · 17/07/2019 20:00

Oh dear sounds like Older Sister has form.

Pebbles16 · 17/07/2019 20:30

How are people so blind?
I have organised three "surprise" parties for DH. They are a surprise, but I tell him a short time beforehand so he doesn't feel hijacked For example after I told him, we added 20 People to his 30th, he had total freedom in the invite list for 40th (amazing event, only 12 people allowed!). But tbf, this was after I hijacked his actual birthday in his home country with friends and family around
But my DH is an absolute extrovert who loves having people around him. He also knows that if he did this to me on my "significant" birthday coming up this year, I would run sobbing from wherever it was.

SingingLily · 17/07/2019 20:48

Oh dear, so your OS has managed to upset both of her sisters. You're well clear of it, I think.

BakewellGin1 · 17/07/2019 21:00

My DS gave me a heads up that a few friends had arranged a 'get together baby shower meal' for me as she knew I hate the fuss and being centre of attention..
As it happened I did go but only because she also had spoke to organisers and got it down to meal only rather then banners/decorations/presents etc. And I managed to mentally prepare myself to go and act suprised.

BakewellGin1 · 17/07/2019 21:03

Glad you told her about it and also wtf is OS thinking !!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/07/2019 04:13

OMG, well that saves you a journey then!

What fucking planet is the loon on??

Maybe you and YS should meet up halfway between you instead - sounds like it would be a heap more fun!
How did you find out about the appalling ex being invited, by the way?