to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

YANBU. It's a bit much expecting a 3yo to understand. Especially a school uniform - I think that matches better to a properly school-aged child somehow. Now a 5 or 6yo, possibly a 4yo, is a different matter, and if I knew the child was going to get lots of other pressies I might do it.

hi mellymum. in principle i think its a lovely gift to teach children about giving and about the problems in the world. however, i feel your dd is a bit young to understand the whole concept of the idea iyswim, so no, yanbu at all. they should have saved it for when she is older.

No yanbu

that is harsh for a 3 year old.... she just won't understand where here present has gone!

nothing you can do though - and as you say at least she got some nice presents from other people..

just laugh it off....

I think it is a nice idea. Would your DD realise she hadn't got something to open from her uncle? It would have been nice if they could have bought her something to open even if it was a smaller gift.

what a pretentious pair! It is though, a lovely idea as i bet your DD has lots of lovely presents. I do think they should have sent her a token pressie though

No YANBU - I have done this in the past BUT I have also given a proper present for the child (and actually only given these kind of presents for kids over 7 or 8 when they are beginning to understand). Not fair for a little one at all.... (Don't give them a party bag!)

Thank you for all your responses. It's good to get neutral opinions, as I had a rant about it to my family and they all thought the same as me, but are obviously on the same wavelength as me too.

I also think that a donation is a nice idea, I got a similar oxfam gift from a good friend of mine from uni. I would rather money was spent to do good in the world than on ME, but I cant get over dd's only blood related uncle choosing this for his only niece!!

I think it's a nice idea and to be honest I think kids get far too much crappy plastic shite, most of which they play with twice, then forget about. That's why I'd do it. I just can't stand the sheer waste...

However - I do agree that three is too young to do this. When they're a bit older and can understand the point, fair enough. Then they can feel good as well for making a bit of a sacrifice.

I usually get books as presents, as you can never have too many books...

BTW, dp was also rather miffed and v.angry about his brother's pomposity

YABU. Big time.

I think it is a bit strange. I wouldn't mind because ds gets too much as we have a very large extended family but I would view it as extremely pretentious.

My cousin said that she was going to do this last christmas and when I asked her if she wanted the same in return she said no that she still wanted presents to open!

Krang - I thouroughly agree about books, I often give them too as you can always find something age appropriate, and I believe they are great for either firing the imagination or being educational, depending on what you go for.

I also think 3 is too young. They are great ideas, these cards, and for older children and adults to be encouraged, but 3 is a little unfair. If they didn't want waste, even some of their children's old toys would have been new for your dd.

YANBU, even at 10 I would have been upset by this!

i think it was a great idea.
i did this for my very spoilt nephews and my sister didnt speak to me for months!

This is hugely self-congratulatory. If they want to make a donation, that is wonderful. But what they are actually doing is giving your dd's present to someone else! I think if people say 'please don't buy me anything' or 'please make a donation instead of giving me a present' or you do it in addition to buying a gift, then Oxfam 'gifts' are absolutely wonderful. But this isn't. It's just a way of showing off about their own 'generosity' while not actually buying their neice anything for her birthday.

3 is too young for this sort of 'present' IMO.

Spidermama, why?

It's not that I didn't like the gift, and from someone we perhaps are not in touch with so much it would have been great - but her uncle!

Even an old friend of mine who i haven't seen since dd was born sent her a little swimsuit and pair of goggles. What a fantastic idea - not just another toy to clutter the place but a really thoughtful gift meant for my little girl.

YABU

You should be pleased that they have done something meaningful for your dd's birthday rather than give her another piece of plastic tat. She had more than enough toys.

She will not understand the gesture but so what? It does not make it meaningless.

The alternative is not 'plastic tat'. It could be books, some money in a savings account, a dress, all sorts of things.

Its wholly inappropriate for a 3yo.

I think AGBU's 'spoilt' comment sums it up pretty well.

You dont give this to a small child for anything but ulterior motives, in this case probably looking for a pat on the back for being so forward thinking

I don't see why the present is inappropriate. Ds has received a present like this and was pleased, once it was explained. I like getting presents like this as well.

I can see what you mean about it being pretentious. I don't think it is but I understand what you are saying. I imagine they meant well, though - can you not help your dd to appreciate the present? It isn't as if she is deprived or has not had enough things bought for her birthday, is it?

As allgonebellyup implies, it makes quite a statement. I'd also be wondering what they are trying to say...

What F&Z said.

And I don't see why this sort of present can't make everyone feel good, not just the giver as you suggest in your OP. That's quite a cynical and grasping POV, IMO.