to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

I'm not sure giving to charity is giving a gift to someone else, it's giving a gift in your honour.

I disagree with the whole concept of charity - there shouldn't be any need for them but there is and so we give. It's a fact of life that without these types of organisations, billions of people would suffere - famine, abuse, illness, homelessness, war and the list goes on.

we are all in fortunate positions compared to 98 per cent of the rest of the world. does it matter whether the donation was made pompously, pretentiously or whatever.

what makes a 'real present'?

me too, hatrick.

These presents are inappropriate for any age unless requested by the recipient in my opinion

Ditto hatrick.

call me shallow but I think YANBU. I have perfectly happily received a goat for myself as a pressie from a friend, but I think it would have been nice for DD to have got something - purse/sweets etc in addition to the charity thingy/

Was your DD upset? She's the only one entitled to be upset or annoyed.

Mellymum were they there when you opened the card and werent overcome with joy?
What response have you given them?

I think the Oxfam Unwrapped things have their place and are a good idea in general, but I do wonder what you'd think if someone turned up at your house for dinner and said, 'I would have brought a bottle of wine, but decided to donate £5 to the RSPCA instead' or 'I would have brought you flowers for your birthday but I gave them to my gran instead'.

i think what they did was nice but common sense should have told them your dd might not understand and they could have got her something small-a pack of pencils or stickers even.just something to unwrap which is the biggest bit of fun!

I know that I would have been in real trouble as a child if I'd shown ingratitude for any present.

I'm with Aloha, this is really inappropriate for a 3 year old and BIL is being holier-than-thou. I'm all for doing it with an older child (in addition to a token "real" present), but the giver should talk to them about it and help them choose the charity - the child would get much more out of it that way.

Why would it be rude to say "I don't want anything for Christmas this year, I have more than enough stuff and would prefer people to donate the money to Oxfam"?

Really hatrick? I would be peed off!

Hmm...I think expecting a THREE year old to show gratitude because her brother has made a donation to charity is asking a bit much.
I donate a little bit to a few charities every month. If I tell people about it should they be grateful?

I was just reminded on a regular basis as to how bloody lucky we were Aloha. Probably something to do with my dad spending over a month every year in Ethiopia during the 80s maybe...

TBH I am always pleased with whatever my dd or ds is lucky enough to be given for their birthdays or christmas.

I think it was quite a good idea and kids do get so much stuff these days.

Its not like it was her ONLY present is it?

I'm sure it could be worded so that she understands it a little bit.

Well said Soupdragon

How could you afford a month in Ethiopia? Did he come from Ethiopia?

And i don't think enough credit is being given to 3 year olds.

IMHO most 3 year olds would understand. When we have a clear out, my dd asks if her toys are being taken to the special shop so the other children don't have lots of toys, can play with them.

we also did the Big Toddle recently - 8 toddlers ranging from 1 to 3 and quite a few of the older ones definitely understood why we were doing it and that we were helping other children.

And I agree that (older) children should at least pretend to be grateful for anything they are given, but the OP's child is not only three, but wasn't actually given anything!

My children have had some really odd and inappropriate presents, I would much rather that the money had been spent on charity rather than woolworths best plastic tat. Being three your dd will not have noticed that her uncle didn't get her a bratz pony, I am surprised you care tbh.

My father was teaching in Ethiopia every year.

I just don't understand how a three year old would miss a present I'm afraid.