to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

Justaphase, I realise i said she got loads of nice pressies, but they were not all TOYS. And when I say loads, she didn't have a party with friends(too young) just immediate family and her pressies were off them - my mum & dad, my sister & her kids. It just seemed like loads on the day!

There are many birthdays ahead when the child can appreciate this sort of gift, but at 3? Its not going to mean an awful lot to her.

Mellymum do you feel your dd did not get ENOUGH stuff on her birthday?

Kids are not DUE presents for their birthdays.

It is nice and it makes it special for them and all that but your dd had more than enough, why is it such a bad thing that a poor child has received a school uniform? Your daughter is too young to understand it but you are not.

Not a 3 year old. Just do the same for their kids when it's their bday.
I wouldn't do that to a kid. As you said, it is to make yourself feel beter when you donate something.

They could have just bought her something small with the "card".

surely your dd wasn't bothered, melly?

But it isn't a present is it? Not really. It's a charitable donation, so nothing whatsoever to do with the 'recipient'. I think if they want to make a donation, they should do it out of their own money, personally.
Unless, of course, you have said in advance that you would prefer they donate the money so some other cause (and you might well prefer to nominate a cause yourself, if it's 'your' present!)
ie I support a couple of small charities and if someone wants to give my present to someone else, I'd quite like to suggest where they send it to.
I wouldn't personally mind it if someone did this instead of buying me a present, as I don't really care about presents, but I think for a small child this is more about grandstanding than actually thinking about the child. If they have money to give, why not add it to her CTF?

Sorry, had not read that she did not have enough presents....

There is always someone more deserving of our money! Doesn't mean I wouldn't roll my eyes if my dh said, instead of buying you flowers, I put £2 in a charity box. Don't be a mean bugger, buy me flowers AND put £2 in teh charity box and don't tell me about it!

a present often depends on the giver. Some people are pretentious so they might give a pretentious present. No point being angry about it.

I do think it is a brilliant rebranding exercise (seriously) to call a donation a present! A huge stroke of fundraising genius.

I suppose it depends on what you like and what makes you happy. Are we to reject all presents that aren't completely to our taste as "inappropriate" and "not a real present"?

I mean, I have been bought some terrible tat in my time, but I wouldn't feel umbrage about it, usually. Oh well, only in private anyway

agree aloha. Fundraising masterstroke

Indeed

I had this at Christmas from my youngest brother and his wife...funnily enough I had no problem with that being our entire famil's gift from them ...I just wondered why they hadn't asked us to do the same for them and we ended up buying them pressies..

And it means that you could (if you wanted to) do the same when it comes round to their childrens' birthdays. And Christmas. Even more of a fund-raising charity beano!

I think if you are going to give to charity then you should do so quietly, without a fuss and the only person who needs to know is you. For an older child, it might be a nice idea to adopt an animal in a local zoo to help towards its care, and the child could visit.

I send these kind of things and I don't think I would be upset if a young child of mine received one - is she upset or are you upset on her behalf?

At the end of the day people have different motives and different expectations.

Say thank you and forget about it.

Yes, but this isn't a 'real present' at all! Well, it is to Oxfam, but not to the nominal recipient. I would think it is OK for me, but I still think for a small child, from their only uncle, a donation to the child in the form of a bank account set up in their name or a book token would be more appropriate. They could still make the Oxfam donation, but perhaps that wouldn't be so much fun to do anonymously?

I don't think that's an appropiate present. If they don't want to give plastic tat, they should give money into her bank account.

If they want to give to charity, they should do. Without pretending it's a morally suitable present for a three year old.

Yes, adopt an animal is good for a young child. Ds would love that. Even though it is entirely bogus too

I nearly always give children books. Last week we gave a 7 year old a lovely CD of Greek Myths.

Surely it would have been more appropriate for the Uncle to have asked for this for his own birthday present from you and your dh, not the other way round?

It would be fine for DS3 (just about to turn three) as he neither knows nor cares that he will be having a birthday soon .

aloha - agree with you entirely.

It's almost as if they are expecting a 'thank you' note for giving to charity.