to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

I don't think it is an appropriate pressie either-nice idea, but not for a 3 year old.

Adopting an animal is excellent though! A little girl's mum..who i looked after (the girl-not the mum) bought my children an adoption of a blue posionous frog from our local zoo, it came with a photo of him, they spent hours guessing which one he was at the zoo!!!!!!!!!!

he was called 'bluey'

(sorry-really bad english)...lol

Aloha, great posts, your thoughts reflect mine entirely.

I think giving to charity on somebody else's behalf is only appropriate if they have asked for it. Otherwise its a bit odd. I can see that they might have thought that you would be swamped with presents, but it would have been politer to discuss it with you first.

I think charities should be targetting the present recipients, not the givers.

And you don't have to spend very much on a child to get that look - a tiny beaded purse costing about £1 and a pink balloon would do it for my dd. And are lots of non-toy gifts too - the zoo thing, tickets/vouchers to a children's play, paying for the cake and tea at her birthday party, a £5 book token is a gift and a day out for my kids, as we go to the bookshop and spend ages choosing.

you could adopt red pandas roz and frisco for just £75. go on,you know you want to..

People are odd and they'll buy odd presents.

Makes for good conversation. Be happy

awww-them pandas are cute! if i had £75 i would adopt them!

Of course, the really good thing about this is that from now on, you have all future presents to your BIL's kids sewn up! Will make birthdays and Christmas that much easier
Actually, I think Dino said the same a bit lower down. Sorry.

my dd received a special edition of a children's book as a present - the procedes of which went to charity. That way, the giver gave to charity and my dd got a present that wasn't plastic tat.

was it a crap book, though?

Indeed, they could have bought her a nice fairtrade present, or even a present from Oxfam!
Mind you, I'd prefer Cristalle.
If you're not buying me that (or cheese!) I'd prefer you spend the money with Save The Children or the Medical Foundation for the Victims of Torture.
Most presents for adults are rubbish.

Actually I take that back, dh gave me a satnav and I love it so much.

dh bought me an ipod, that was pretty nice

(aloha, the MFVT is literally next to dd2's nursery )

We don't really "do" presents in our family, but my parents did give me a present of a midwife in a 3rd world country as a Christmas present last year. I didn't need anything, and I wasn't expecting anything, so I was touched (especially since I'd had DS2 a month earlier...).

BUT giving a 3 year old a similar present is highly inappropriate. A friend of mine, before each birthday and Christmas makes her DD choose an old toy to give away to a charity before she gets a "new" one, which I think is a great idea, but the litte girl, who's now about 5 or 6, has had this explained to her and likes choosing something to give to a child less fortunate (plus it saves their house getting too cluttered.)

I would be a bit annoyed too if my sister / in-laws did something like this for either of my two DSs!

So YANBU.

a midwife? now you're talking

yanbu. Haven't read whole thread, and I realize that I am probably in the minority and will be crucified for saying this, but I don't agree with the idea of buying a goat/a school uniform/whatever charity even for adults.

Of course the principle is a nice one, but charity is a very personal thing. And what to me might be a good cause, might not be to someone else, and I do not believe that anyone else should choose what charity I should give to (because giving to a charity on my behalf is essentially me giving to that charity). Of course if someone asked what they could give me then I would happily give them the names of charities I would like to support, but I do not agree with someone making that decision on my behalf.

pointy dog - - it was a special edition of Peter Pan and the procedes of the sales went to Great Ormond Street hopistal.

The giver is a paediatrician so it was a very appropiate present.

BBBee - I am miffed on my dd's behalf. I actually didn't attempt to explain it to her yet as SHE IS 3, but if I did I think she would be very excited for the little girl or boy who received a school uniform. She has a lovely nature.

She was more than happy with the new things she received, it was not excessive and she is not spoilt.

It is the principle that got to me.

agree a little purse or pack of hairgrips would have been a nice inexpensive touch

AH Yyes, belgo. (Thought I'd annoyed you for a minute there). I still haven't got that book - is it good? Quite want to read it myself.

Wonderful organisation Bundle. Awe-inspiring work.
I think this sort of thing is a FAB 'present' if you aren't expecting anything btw. I am laughing a bit at the people who have given these things then say 'oh, but I want real presents to open'. Cheeky!

pointy dog - I haven't read it yet but it looks great on the bookshelf. Very classy.

Yes.

You are the receiver. You can't say what you want. You might not like the charity, you might not like Yardley Lavendar.

Although I suppose that's what wedding lists are about these days.

(I was yessing to aloha)