to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

VoluptuaGoodshag,

I am a one glass girl, too.

cheap dates you 2....lol....I think I am on my 3. already...think I bloody deserve it too...have not taken painkillers all day agaisnt soreness of my arm (contraceptive implant was taken out yesterday)...so, need something to numb the pain ...and well alcohol just works much nicer then painkillers, lol...

I think for a 3 year old I didn't see that much it would be OK to get them something very small + the donation. Agree that the donation on its own for a 3 year old is slightly odd.

DH and I always buy Oxfam Charity gifts for our adult relatives at Christmas and Birthdays but never would we consider buying
one of these gifts, ie a well, for one of the little family members.

How on earth would they be able to grasp the concept that they were giving up their Birthday pressie to help a person in Africa

My sister is 12 now and has said that she would like dh and I to spend half of her B.day money on a small gift for herself and the other half is to go to Oxfam, Action Aid etc.

I found this article today while looking at the New York Times www.nytimes.com/2007/07/27/nyregion/27gifts.html?ex=1343275200&en=ab7c1a5b003d28ee&ei=5124&partner=p ermalink&exprod=permalink parties without gifts

Perhaps more fuel for the fire...

Oops. apparently I don't know how to post a link... trying again...

ermalink&exprod=permalink

3andnomore, right so you've no contraception, you're on your third glass of plink ......I fear there could be a name change soon

Erm plonk [hic]

Link looks ugly but it appears to work.

In some ways , I really like the idea of donations intead of pressies but i think it's essential that the child like the idea too and doesn't feel forced into it. Course, it also could stink of holier than thou pretention depending on how it's done.

Message withdrawn

lol...dh not in site (exercise...armed forces stuff...) and I also have been taking a contraceptive pill this week...so, hopefully no name change, lol!

Mezzer thanks for the link!

Sorry, haven't read whole thread which is v long, but No, you are not being unreasonable. Very inappropriate to 3 year old. Hope there were no tears. If they want to give to charity, let them leave their little niece out of it.

My brother rarely remembers my dc's birthdays and if he does, it's just a card. That's fine. He does buy them presents at Christmas. At least he's consistent - they don't expect anything from him at birthdays and are not disappointed.

how is giving a card containing information that a donation has been given in your name plus a happy Birthday presumably, count less then the ordinary card, because that is all they get unless he remembers....don't see the logic....

I totally agree with everything Mellymum and Aloha have said, so does my DH. It's actually making me rather annoyed, have you lot ever been 3?
I think the whole thing is about the relationship between the adult parties. I think that's why Mellymum is upset. Seems like they are trying to make a point. Do they think she's spolt? (I know she's not by Mellymum's responses, and she wouldn't say she had LOADS pressies if she was)Is there jealouy on their behalf? Have they got boys?

I have only read the first few posts and YANBU what they have done has imo nothing to do with your daughter its about making themselves feel and look good. I often give this sort of gift but not to a toddler, a teenager or adult who will understand that I am thinking of them and that I know they will apprecitate me giving on their behalf.
I shouldnt think your dd noticed though

Erm... I'm against cards for children, who can not read yet, too.

Quite like the idea in the link. The big difference with the party in the article and the Oxfam card, was that the child gets to choose a charity of their liking, while in this case it is imposed to them. (which is the thing I'm against and nothing else)

hmm. I have only boys...3 of them...does that mean anything...maybe I am a less loving mother because I was blessed with boys only, so I can make the tough or some such stuff...
anyway, so, you don't exept cards fpr your non reading children then, Isabel....and you just throw that gesture into the bin, because it means nothing to your child?

I impled jealousy on the part of BIL as Mellymum has girl...(smile)

oh, ffs...it's not important to everyone to have a gir...no matter how nice it may be or not be...honest....

Jeez, have you actually become rooted to your soapbox there 3.

I was thinking this thread may have actually died out by now, with the last few drunken ramblings posted Fri night i was getting bored with it myself, thought you had all managed to divert your attention to all the other topics that no doubt needed your invaluabe contributions.

God forbid that someone who can understand my feelings might have the last word!

sorry, mis-spelling, wouldn't want to imply that your contributions are anything but INVALUABLE.

Good night all.

So what was the final consensus? The OP is a myopic Thatcherite bourgeoise who can't see beyond the end of her own Tesco club card?

While all this farcical indignant tripe has been playing out, some child somewhere is grinning from ear to ear and stroking a brand new set of clothes, courtesy of Mellymum's little girl, that's the really great thing