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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
LimeKiwi · 25/06/2019 01:03

Oh gawd, leave him to it. (Speaking from experience!) If you're on holiday with your parents and not relying on just him and they're happy to go out.
Breezy see ya later, back in a bit! makes them want to come out if you leave them to stew.
Although you say he brought his PS4?! There's where your problem lies, if he's addicted to that even when on holiday to the extent of bringing it with him not sure what to suggest really!
If he needs his console, leave him to it and go about what you want. Don't miss out because he's being a miserable arse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/06/2019 01:06

he brought his ps4

I'm not of the MN opinion that all men who game are dreadful. But that's dreadful.

LimeKiwi · 25/06/2019 01:07

I voted YANBU though as I completely know where you're coming from! It's only after years of him not being bothered about holidays we go off and do our own thing lol (kids included)

maras2 · 25/06/2019 01:10

You and your parents go out for a lovely day and leave baby with mardy arse DH.
Sorted. Smile

Snowy81 · 25/06/2019 01:17

I can’t believe he brought his PS4. How old is he? 14? I don’t allow my 14&19 year old sons to bring anything except phones and iPad. Then they are only used when winding down in the night, and when I’m getting ready for us to go out (after all hair and make up takes longer then boys hair!!)

tillytrotter1 · 25/06/2019 06:50

Maybe he doesn't want to be forced into your idea of a perfect holiday with your parents, isn't he allowed a different opinion?

ZetaPuppis · 25/06/2019 06:55

Yeah leave him to it.
If I was on holiday with in laws, I think I’d like a day to do my own thing too.

AnyFucker · 25/06/2019 06:55

A grown man with a child took his ps4 on holiday ?

I judge.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 06:55

Well if you’re not into walking plus you’ve got a small baby then what are you planning to do? We always holiday in the uk and have done every year since dc were babies but walking usually fills quite a large proportion of the time tbh.

I’m surprised he’s taken his PS4 but to be fair you’ve taken your parents.

C0untDucku1a · 25/06/2019 06:57

Omg he took is ps4 on holiday? So he had no intention of taking part in family time? Id bebsayijg if course stay at home if youre nit feeling up to it.... then id be hiding the ps4. Selfish prick.

IceRebel · 25/06/2019 06:59

Whilst staying home playing a PS4 isn't my idea of fun, I don't see much difference between that and staying in reading a book.

he doesn't really fancy doing anything

What sort of things are you and your parents planning on doing? It's difficult to see if he is being miserable without context, you mention walking and that wouldn't be an enjoyable holiday activity for me.

PetitTorteois · 25/06/2019 07:01

If my husband brought his parents to our first family holiday I would be upset and would bring a stack of books with me (but probably not a PS).

topcat2014 · 25/06/2019 07:01

The thing is, (and in the nicest possible way) inlaws are not really family to him. He probably needs some space from them.

Mind you, have never been on holiday with mine, and think I would have struggled too.

Sounds like he had a back up plan for getting some space.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 25/06/2019 07:04

Well, leave the baby with him since he has kindly offered (ha ha). Go out and enjoy yourself.

00100001 · 25/06/2019 07:06

Leave him to it.

Leave baby with him half the time and have a good holiday!

Preggosaurus9 · 25/06/2019 07:09

Going on holiday with a child is much less relaxing than without. We do some tag teaming with solo parenting to give each other a proper break. He's not being UR if you will also get a baby free day.

On the parents front - going on holiday with the inlaws or even my own family is my idea of hell. He is probably just going along with it to try and make you happy. My advice is maximise the amount of childcare your parents are doing and spend some quality time with just you and DH, out of the accommodation. Go out for a nice dinner etc. Reconnect as a couple.

hopeishere · 25/06/2019 07:10

I'm assuming you can't afford to holiday on your own?

What sort of holidays toys you have before? Lying by the pool type holidays or sightseeing?

Are there no local places of interest to visit?

Fairylea · 25/06/2019 07:18

I don’t think it matters that he brought his PS4 - Mumsnet generally thinks anyone over the age of 15 who games is awful Hmm It’s a hobby like any other and tons of adults - men and women - enjoy gaming. My dh brings his PS4 when we go away. HOWEVER, it shouldn’t interfere with doing things as a family. My dh is a night owl and I am not and when we are away he stays up for a couple of hours after everyone and plays - that’s absolutely fine by me, he still gets up the same time as everyone else the next day, he just enjoys it as wind down time.

He wouldn’t choose to stay in and play on it during the holiday.

Loveislandaddict · 25/06/2019 07:21

If it’s one day, then I shouldn’t worry. He just needs a day to chill. I’d be more upset if it were everyday.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 07:22

A PS4 on holiday? Jeez how anti social

DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/06/2019 07:23

I think it's fine for him to have a day by himself gaming. Just not all day every day.

I think you're all being a bit unreasonable if you think walking is the only holiday activity in Devon. You clearly have Internet - get on line and do some research for the part of Devon you're in.

CherryPavlova · 25/06/2019 07:26

What were you thinking of doing that he won’t join in with?
I think Devon is best seen whilst walking or swimming- will he not go to the beach? Will he not walk if he has his baby in a backpack to feel like the hero daddy?
If you’re thinking of just cream teas and shopping for tat, I don’t blame him to be honest. Can you not talk about what each of you wants from the holiday and compromise?

FriarTuck · 25/06/2019 07:27

If my husband brought his parents to our first family holiday I would be upset and would bring a stack of books with me (but probably not a PS).
This ^^. It's potentially not his idea of a good holiday- your parents, no activities he fancies. So why shouldn't he get to relax.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 25/06/2019 07:28

There’s quite a bit to do surely? Depending on where you are in Devon.

Just go enjoy some time out and let him play on his game, I’d do something he might feel like he’s missed out on but not something he would be really upset by.

(Steam trains, river cruise, nice town visits for ice cream, vineyard tours / distillery or nice cream tea are all options)

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 25/06/2019 07:29

Maybe he wants a break on his holiday and not be forced to spend time with your parents.

I get on with my ILs but them tagging along on our first holiday together with a baby would be too much.