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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
cocomelon23 · 25/06/2019 07:29

Why did you go with your parents? Did you discuss that with your dh? Maybe he'd prefer a family holiday without your parents.

LizzieSiddal · 25/06/2019 07:30

You lost me at “on holiday with my parents”. He may well get on “ok” with them but they are still your parents and he probably doesn’t want to be joined at the hip with them.

Let him have a day away from them, it is his holiday too and you should both have time to do what you want.

Pinkmouse6 · 25/06/2019 07:31

He sounds like a child.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/06/2019 07:32

OP didn’t bring her parents, her parents paid for the holiday.

Had you talked about what you might do on holiday before you went? Whereabouts in Devon are you? Mnetters might be able to give you ideas of what is around

ReanimatedSGB · 25/06/2019 07:33

I think letting him have at least one day to himself is not unreasonable - but he also needs to spend at least one day looking after the baby while you have a break.

And, while you will get the usual chorus of anti-computer-game whining on here, a very good life rule is: when someone is having their agreed leisure time, it is not up to anyone else to dictate what they do with it.

user1493413286 · 25/06/2019 07:34

If it’s just one day I’d leave him to it; maybe he wants a bit of time to himself. Could you do similar another day? Or go with your mum somewhere and he and your dad take the baby?
my favourite thing about group holidays is not all having to do the same thing every day

FrostyGirl66 · 25/06/2019 07:35

My other half is a miserable sod on holiday. Found that out fairly early into the relationship and ever since I take the kids by myself or go with my parents and leave him home.

user1493413286 · 25/06/2019 07:36

I agree with ReanimatedSGB I like to spend my time reading which is often seen as more acceptable than gaming but my DH would find that just as boring as I find a PS4 so what he’s doing shouldn’t change how his time to himself is viewed

PlaymobilPirate · 25/06/2019 07:36

I love my in laws but even I wouldn't want to spend a whole week with them without an escape.

As long as he's not planning on doing off every day to his ps4 I'd wave him off happily for 1!

Sirzy · 25/06/2019 07:41

Sounds like a break away from being with the in laws would be a good idea!

Then ask them to look after the baby one evening so the two of you can go for a meal together.

adaline · 25/06/2019 07:44

Why is staying behind to play video games any more antisocial or rude than staying behind to read a book?

Anyway - I assume it's your parents your away with? I'd struggle to spend more than a day with my in-laws so I do sympathise with him - wouldn't you want some space to yourself away from his parents?

00100001 · 25/06/2019 07:45

Why ruin both your holidays, when you can just leave him to it? also, there's nothing to say all 5 of you have to spend every moment together...

make some plans that invilve various people at different times:

~do stuff just you three (You, DH, Baby - go to a park, go for a walk, have a meal together, go to the zoo, go to the beach)
~just you two, leave baby with GPs for a few hours and have lunch together, go for a walk, do something like paddleboarding or archery or whatever.
~Just you and parents, leave baby with DH - spend some nice child free tmime with mum and dad, pottering around, doing an activity together, etc
~Just you, parents and baby - spend some time with baby and GPs letting them spoil baby, or show her off, or tkae to feed the ducks
~all 5 of you (perhaps just do something low key like go to the beach, you can sit in your own worlds if needed, take baby paddling, build sandcastles etc)
~go out on your own, have some "me" time - chill out, go shopping, go for a walk, do something just for you.

why stress out about it all??

Just make sure to let DH know everything he's missed out on whilst sitting in doors playing PS4... Grin

rookiemere · 25/06/2019 07:46

I was initially blind sighted by the PS4 ( is he my DS ? is he 13 ?) but then realised a full on week with the ILs might be too much for him and this is his polite way of saying he needs some space.

I like the idea of asking your DPs to babysit one evening, you will likely find that you're enjoying the time with them much more than he is.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/06/2019 07:50

Is it so bad to bring a games thing on holiday? I take my laptop if I'm going for a week so I can spend some downtime on the internet and I also sometimes stay in hotel rooms that have a TV.

Tinytomato2 · 25/06/2019 07:52

I have to holiday with mil every year and I hate it and have to pretend I don't. So unfortunately my sympathy was with your DH after the first sentence!

Reith · 25/06/2019 07:52

Compromise, let him spend some of his holiday the way he wants to.

I used to judge a friend letting her son take a PS4 to Center Parcs. But why did I? How is it much different to me taking about eight books on holiday?

Reith · 25/06/2019 07:56

"Blind sighted"??

Reith · 25/06/2019 07:57

What kinds of things do you want to be doing together OP?

I like previous posters suggestions of mixing the groups up a bit, gives everyone a bit of variety and gives you all something to talk about when you are together.

JustDanceAddict · 25/06/2019 07:59

He bought his PS4!!!
I’d leave him to it and have a nice day without the manchild.

WeedsAndMoss · 25/06/2019 07:59

Going away with your in-laws is not a holiday.

No issue with him bringing a PS4, it's a leisure activity he enjoys but at the same time only if it's used a bit and not constantly!

CupoTeap · 25/06/2019 08:02

It's everyone's holiday so if he means one day on his own then I wouldn't have a problem with that as long as it was one day.

EdWinchester · 25/06/2019 08:02

I can’t imagine a grown man taking a PS4 on holiday.

diddl · 25/06/2019 08:02

Have you asked him to do stuff "as a family" & he's refused, or does "as a family" mean your parents as well?

Is it kind for parents to pay for accomodation when they're there as well?

BlueMerchant · 25/06/2019 08:05

A day on his own doing his own thing I'd be ok with, if a little miffed.
A day staying in with his PlayStation- pathetic.
A grown man taking his PlayStation on a holiday break is just not right.

BentBaastard · 25/06/2019 08:06

I would go out with the baby and have a lovely day and then go back to DH, give him the baby and tell him he needs dinner, bath and bottle and putting to bed because you are going to have a long hot bath and a bottle of wine.......