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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
Celebelly · 25/06/2019 08:07

Ugh. DP and I take the PS4 when we go away to a cottage together as it's something we do together (and we don't tend to go out in evenings due to the dog and now DD). But we did a cottage holiday with my parents and it stayed home! It would have been quite rude to bring it, really, as it's quite antisocial to the people who aren't taking part (and hogs the TV/front room). We did jigsaws instead Grin And although maybe it wasn't the holiday my DP would have chosen, he made an effort and we ended up having a good time. We are going to do another this year!

I think this is one of these occasions where he is going to have to suck it up. Sometimes in life we have to do things we might not choose because it's for our loved ones. It's selfish not to, and to ruin everyone else's holiday by being miserable.

ThatLightIsBright · 25/06/2019 08:13

Seriously who are these men who play on their PS / XBOX / whatever!? How old is he? How old are other men who do this? I’m shocked. Let alone doing it on holiday. He sounds dull.
My DH is very early thirties and he hasn’t used one since adolescence. He’s either working, doing joint childcare/ housework/ life admin, exercise or out with us.
Don’t these men have anything better to do!?
Although, we don’t watch tv / programmes / Netflix etc so appreciate that we may not get it!
I would suggest you all do something outdoors if your parents are up for it, like hiking or cycling, and if not, go for a lovely lunch somewhere nice.

LellyMcKelly · 25/06/2019 08:13

He wants to play on his PS4. He wants you all out of the house so he can sit on his own on his arse playing his PS4. Leave him to it but give him a big list of stuff to do - laundry, shopping, dinner etc. He’s being a selfish pig.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 08:13

I don’t think you can put the same value on 8 books as on a PS4 Grin

Seapoint2002 · 25/06/2019 08:14

Its not about him! Its about spending quality time in a different place with family making memories. Took his PS4 on holiday with him? Maybe he hasn't grown up himself? Did he take his colouring books and crayons too?

Kokeshi123 · 25/06/2019 08:15

Why is it OK for him to opt out of parenting when he has a young baby?

And yes, it would be shit if he sat there with books or knitting or whatever all day long. I read books before bedtime, while traveling on the train or car, or if we are all hanging out on the beach. I wouldn't stay in with a book all day by myself while everyone else looked after my baby.

ChocChocButtons · 25/06/2019 08:16

Man I love a good gaming session on the Xbox but I wouldn’t bring it on holiday. He sounds a bit of a waste of space tbh.

Fairylea · 25/06/2019 08:17

The PS4 is a red herring. It doesn’t matter what “it” is - it’s the opting out of family time that is the issue. Not whether it’s a PS4 / books / puzzles / cycling for the whole day or whatever else.

Mumsnet is so ridiculously judgey over games consoles. They aren’t just for children anymore!

MrsxRocky · 25/06/2019 08:17

Omg I can't think of anything worse than holidaying with in-laws and having to do stuff with them every day.
A family holiday yes as long as not in each others pockets.
Why can't you baby and husband do something away from your parents for a day??

Angrybird123 · 25/06/2019 08:19

All those saying he's right because who would want to go with the in laws.. They paid for the holiday so maybe he does need to suck it up and be sociable!

Juells · 25/06/2019 08:21

It's his holiday Confused Shouldn't he do what he wants to relax? Confused

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 08:22

I would suggest you all do something outdoors if your parents are up for it, like hiking or cycling, and if not, go for a lovely lunch somewhere nice

Pretty sure the 8mth old baby would interfere with the enjoyment of all of those activities.

Well done to all the posters with vastly superior husbands and partners who aren’t into gaming. Gold medal. Top marks Hmm

Celebelly · 25/06/2019 08:22

It's not 'his' holiday. It's a family holiday.

NurseButtercup · 25/06/2019 08:27

YABu to let your DH moodiness & non interest ruin your holiday. Please go and have a good time with your baby and your parents.

Aberforthsgoat · 25/06/2019 08:28

Ha I love how quickly this has descended into judging about gaming. Especially the previous poster who is shocked that a grown man might play Xbox or PlayStation. Why is everyone so uptight about it on here? Do people stop playing board games when they’re a “grown adult”, stop playing cards? It’s a hobby and form of entertainment like any other!

I agree taking it on holiday might be a little much, but maybe he does just want a day for himself. Just make sure you get one in return! And yes he probably does get on with your parents but there’s a difference between getting on and wanting to spend all week with them - is it shared accommodation like a cottage or something so no hotel room of your own to escape to?

The other thing is, if your parents are paying, are they spearheading what they want to do? And what activities are you interested in as I think that makes a difference as to whether or not he’s being unreasonable. If it’s just walking, and he doesn’t like walking, I don’t think he’s being that unreasonable...

Celebelly · 25/06/2019 08:30

There's also loads to do in Devon, even with a baby. Paignton Zoo, Babbacombe model village, Living Coast, National Marine Aquarium, steam railway, Pennywell Farm, River Dart country park...

Surely he can muster a little enthusiasm for at least one of those

Overmaars · 25/06/2019 08:38

I wouldn't be bothered about one day with the Play Station. But I would be fuming about the general lack of interest about doing anything. It's self absorbed and really quite immature and rude.

If he doesn't like walking, then he should think about an activity he enjoys more that the whole family could become involved in. A boat trip, a trip to a museum or special beach etc. If he can't find anything at all he enjoys then he's being more like a moody teenager than a grown man with a family.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 08:39

Well done to all the posters with vastly superior husbands and partners who aren’t into gaming. Gold medal. Top marks

Thanks

InfiniteCurve · 25/06/2019 08:39

Did you not discuss what you would do before you went? In fact,before you booked the holiday? What did you both want to do?
And it's not clear from your post whether spending time as a family means you,him and the baby or you,him,the baby and your parents - those are different things in my opinion. In that scenario he may feel like a spare part.

Snog · 25/06/2019 08:43

I think it's fine for him to have a day on his own

Celebelly · 25/06/2019 08:44

Does OP get to have a day on her own without the baby too then? Or just him? Grin

Fyette · 25/06/2019 08:47

Husband and I both enjoy console games as much as reading, so here another one who does not understand the judginess here.

Anyway, as someone who frequently spends longer stretches of time with the in-laws (because we are living abroad and so always go over for longer visits), I almost always claim some time for myself while DH hangs out with his family. My in-laws are great, but too much time with them drives me up the wall and I am the type of person who loves alone time anyway. So yes, I stay in with a book or my laptop while they go on a little outing all the time. It's not being miserable; it's necessary time to unwind so I can be friendly and cheerful for the rest of our holiday.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 08:47

I agree with the poster who said the PS4 was a red herring. If the op had said reading/drawing/macrame then would there have been the same responses?

And yes I think it’s fine for him to have (or at least suggest) a day on his own as long as he is supportive if the op wants to do the same. Her reaction of never wanting to holiday with her dh in the uk ever again seems a little ott unless there’s a backstory. Plus it’s not exactly the fault of the uk is it.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/06/2019 08:51

If he didn't want to spend time with his ILaws, he should have politely refused their offer to pay for his family's holiday FFS.

Let him have a day with the PS4 as long as you have a day to do exactly what you want too. That said, you guys need to hit the internet, there's loads to do in Devon that isn't walking...

Reith · 25/06/2019 08:51

Its not about him! Its about spending quality time in a different place with family making memories

I think it's different when your in-laws are involved!

Took his PS4 on holiday with him? Maybe he hasn't grown up himself? Did he take his colouring books and crayons too?

I understand that lots of people, especially women, are in to colouring in.