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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
Reith · 25/06/2019 08:52

Mumsnet is so ridiculously judgey over games consoles. They aren’t just for children anymore!

I agree.

ginghamtablecloths · 25/06/2019 08:54

If you go on holiday as a group you should make the effort to be at least a little sociable. This is the behaviour of a moody teenager. However, if he goes out with you on walks and continues to be miserable you wouldn't want his company, would you?

Leave him to it but let him know that he is expected to get off his backside and provide a meal when you get back.

FriarTuck · 25/06/2019 08:54

If he didn't want to spend time with his ILaws, he should have politely refused their offer to pay for his family's holiday FFS.
And then you'd be slating him for depriving his wife and child of a holiday. Poor bloke can't win.

HarmlessChap · 25/06/2019 08:55

Our first holiday with a baby was with and mostly paid for by in-laws. It was very much with them every waking minute. I got on fine with them, I thought, but after a few days I'd had enough. If I had brought anything with me which could have been an excuse for to have time away I would have suggested it, in the end we left a day early with some spurious excuse.

gerbilfun · 25/06/2019 08:57

I can’t believe he brought his PS4. How old is he? 14? I don’t allow my 14&19 year old sons to bring anything except phones and iPad. Then they are only used when winding down in the night, and when I’m getting ready for us to go out (after all hair and make up takes longer then boys hair!!)

Wait what.. your adult son is only allowed to bring his phone and iPad to wind down 😂😂😂

MarthasGinYard · 25/06/2019 08:58

He's taken a games console on holiday.

Pathetic

I'd be embarrassed if my parents had paid for a holiday and he stayed in to 'play'

Hope your parents enjoy themselves and don't fund anymore holidays for you and your 2 dc.

WhyTho · 25/06/2019 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/06/2019 08:59

@FriarTuck no I wouldn't. He could pay, or he could have let OP and kid go on their own. I go away quite often with my DM without DH, for example. It's rude to accept hospitality and then not engage with the people who have generously offered it.

00100001 · 25/06/2019 08:59

it is strange how Mumsnet is so weird about adults playing PS4.

As though only children are allowed to play the games.

Despite a whole load of games being 18+ :/

BjornAgain81 · 25/06/2019 09:01

I hope those posters moaning about bringing a PS4 wouldn't dare dream of bringing a Kindle or IPad on holiday?

IceRebel · 25/06/2019 09:02

I'd be embarrassed if my parents had paid for a holiday and he stayed in to 'play'

Would you be as equally embarrassed if he stayed in to read, watch a movie, sunbathe by a pool?

If he doesn't want to go walking, which is the only suggestion the OP has mentioned then surely choosing an alternative is a sensible decision. It doesn't matter what he stays behind to do, it's not like he's stopping others going off and exploring the countryside.

ChicCroissant · 25/06/2019 09:02

Might have had more success if it was just you, him and the baby OP. Not fun to take your parents along! Would he have taken the PS if it was just you, him and the baby?

Sirzy · 25/06/2019 09:02

You don’t need to engage with the 24/7 though. People don’t need to be attached by the hip on holiday (or any other time)

Everyone needs down time

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 09:03

A PS4 is in no way comparable to an iPad or kindle, don’t be ridiculous

Sirzy · 25/06/2019 09:04

Why? All three are devices used to chill and relax. I have never played on a PS4 or anything similar but I don’t get the issue if that’s how someone chooses to relax.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 09:05

Snobbery. That’s the difference.

ElizaPancakes · 25/06/2019 09:05

You know, (and take this with a pinch of salt as I’m making a lot of assumptions) sometimes when money is tight and you work all year and the only holiday you get includes your in-laws...you just want to please yourself. And if PS4 is that, then so what? I mean, it’s not much different to playing candy crush or whatever or browsing Mumsnet for most of the day, or even just reading? It’s a pastime like any other. We don’t know if the husband plays it much at home or how involved he is, but he’s allowed to spend a bit of his holiday doing what he wants.

creakingknees · 25/06/2019 09:09

he brought his ps4
Is he 12?

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 09:10

As per usual the hard of thinking see a mention of a games console and the entire point of the thread is missed whilst people descend into competitive "HOW old are they".

OP - I think more context is needed. If your husband wants to have one day on holiday as down time, then I don't think he is being unreasonable. Everyone (and that includes you!) is entitled to some down time on holiday. I don't think one day can be judged as "being miserable". I get cabin fever on holiday and DD and I usually spend at least one quiet day away from everyone else whilst we just chill.

However if he intends to spend every day away from you, then there needs to be some discussion.

WhyTho · 25/06/2019 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BjornAgain81 · 25/06/2019 09:11

Snobbery. That’s the difference.

Exactly.

I don't get how people like my partner's friend can watch Love Island and then get all holier than thou over a bit of gaming. 🤷‍♀️

I recently bought a Switch and play Mario Kart once a week with three of my best mates - one of whom is a Commercial Director on >£100k. Since we use a group chat it's a great way to catch up without making several individual phone calls.

Is reading 50 Shades of Gray or the latest Bridget Jones on a Kindle really that much more high brow?

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 09:14

Oh come on @BjornAgain81 it’s is Kindle dear, of course it’s different.

Aberforthsgoat · 25/06/2019 09:14

iPad is comparable. Spending hours on candy crush or the app version of games, staring at a screen, is exactly the same as playing a PlayStation.
People are so weird about it and get such a superior attitude like the previous poster who only lets her sons take iPad and iPhone.. on which many many games are available.

BarbedBloom · 25/06/2019 09:14

For me it depends what you are doing really. There are lots of activities in Devon, as mentioned by previous posters, but if you are just planning to walk or aimlessly shop then I would struggle with that as well to be honest. Maybe you should all sit down together and discuss what things you would all like to do, though I appreciate it is difficult when your parents paid.

As an introvert I do get needing time to be alone, especially true when around inlaws for me. You could compromise with him spending half a day gaming and then coming to join you all in the afternoon.

I don't have an issue with gaming, me and DH game together. I also read and enjoy other things too, as does he. I would rather chew my own arm off than do a jigsaw puzzle or board game, everyone is different.

KateWrong · 25/06/2019 09:14

My DP is the same. He finds holidays with my parents quite stressful. My parents are very into sightseeing and keeping busy while he and his family are much more relaxed when on holiday. I mostly leave him to it, and we try to find a couple of things he would be interested in doing (like visiting a brewery) that we do together. I would leave the baby with him if I want to do something not baby-friendly. Everyone’s happy !