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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
adaline · 25/06/2019 11:47

But certainly more conducive with w family holiday. Dipping in and out when you pop to the toilet, making a cuppa (for others as well as yourself!), queuing for an ice cream, running a bath in for your baby - all stuff you can do whilst having a quick mumsnet

That just sounds rude to me.

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 11:59

Oh don't get me wrong, I love my PS4 :D The Switch isn't superior, it's just different. I personally consider it far less disruptive in a situation where other people are also around, much less 'in your face'.

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 12:00

How it is rude to have a quick browse on your phone while you're off alone on the toilet or standing in a queue? I'd agree it'd be rude to do it while sitting at a table with others but while you're having a loo break?

Bluntness100 · 25/06/2019 12:27

I can't imagine a situation where my husband brought his PS4 on holiday, he loves gaming, but you don't take it on holiday. For me that shows intent to game, which is not the same as reading, where you can still engage with people.

adaline · 25/06/2019 12:36

I'd agree it'd be rude to do it while sitting at a table with others but while you're having a loo break?

Except people often get their phones out at the table. I often see parents glued to their phones while they're out with their children - it's never just while they're on the toilet!

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 12:39

For me that shows intent to game, which is not the same as reading, where you can still engage with people

Who is there to engage with if he’s intending on gaming when he’s alone?

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 12:45

I suspect the problem is that by staying at the cottage to game, he isn't engaging.

Of course admittedly I realise I am projecting a little as I have no idea if OP's DH intends to game even when everyone else is back and thus not engage at all or not. If he does intend to use the PS4 to not engage at all then it isn't okay. But that's speculation :)

I am of the opinion that you go on holidays to spend time with each other instead of disengaging like you can do at home without spending money on a holiday cottage. I do wonder how much input the DH was offered into this holiday, but given his complete lack of interest in suggesting alternative family plans that he would be interested in I would hazard a guess that he wasn't very interested in having input at all.

adaline · 25/06/2019 12:51

I suspect if this was a thread from a woman who wanted a break from her in-laws while on holiday, everyone would be telling her to go for it.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 12:54

Yes I agree @adaline. The gaming thing has clouded the issue as so many posters assume husband who enjoys gaming = lazy, uninvolved, rude, immature man-child who has no interest in his wife or baby.

MrHaroldFry · 25/06/2019 12:54

I bring a vast number of books on our family holiday. The OPs husband brings a PS4. I'm not going to judge. Some days I enthusiastically join in with group activities, sometimes I want to stay put with my book and some music.
It's all about expectation and perception.
If your parents are happy to get out and about and your DH has had a tidy up/emptied the bins/started dinner etc. I'd say let him do him and you do you.

ReanimatedSGB · 25/06/2019 12:55

If you go on holiday with other people you have to allow everyone some time to do what they would most like to do. Yes, if there are little kids in the party, their parents need to share the time of looking after them, and some engagement with your fellow travellers is necessary, but insisting that someone spends their entire holiday doing things that bore them is unfair (whether that's watching TV, going on long walks or trotting obediently round a museum trying to listen to a tour guide who's as bored as you are).

Bluerussian · 25/06/2019 12:58

I haven't voted, I don't think you are being unreasonable or reasonable; it's a tricky one.

Your husband may be overwhelmed with the conversation between you and your parents and add your baby to that. He's probably longing for a bit of peace and space. I totally understand that, can't bear being crowded even when I like people. I want to be on my own to sleep or read or just be.

I doubt he will be like that for the entire holiday. You can surely weather it for a day or so. At another time you may want some time to yourself and can leave your baby in his care for a while.

TheViceOfReason · 25/06/2019 13:11

As always, swings and roundabouts - if he gets some time just chilling, playing the computer and pleasing himself, then maybe he can take the kids another day and let you do whatever you want (even if that is just a long bath and then laying in the sun reading a book without a care in the world).

Unless there is a bigger back story, i don't see an issue.

My (wonderful) DH will take his gaming laptop on holiday - he won't be on it all the time, but i'm mindful that just because it doesn't interest me, it is his leisure time too, so why shouldn't he get to do what he enjoys sometimes too?

Obviously if your DH is stropping about not getting to spend all the time on it and doing nothing else that is entirely different - but wanting to spend a half day or whatever when you (and your parents) are off doing something else that doesn't really interest him? Then yes, YABU.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 25/06/2019 13:19

I suspect he took he PS4 BECAUSE he knew otherwise he'd be expected to spend all his time with the in laws.

Split the week up into you and him time (with or without DS), you and your parents (with or without DS) and all of you together. Get on the Internet and find something interesting to do for each of those scenarios. Don't expect him to think of your parents as his own. They're not.

sweetiepie1979 · 25/06/2019 14:09

Oh god! A man playing on a play station I think that's so cringe! It's embarrassing!
Leave him to it he doesn't sound like much craic! And it's your first holiday with your child how disappointing. Totally understand time to himself but taking his play station on holiday? Uuurgh.
Enjoy the time with your little one and parents that's so important for you make nice memories for you and your family. Maybe buy him some space raiders and a can of iron bru and leave him to it!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 25/06/2019 14:26

My ExH used to take his Xbox on family holidays. He even took it on a skiing holiday in France and bought a cheap portable TV when we were out there because the connector on the TV in the apartment wasn't compatible! Note the word Ex by the way. Not a good sign to be shirking family time in favour of staying inside playing games.

Beesandcheese · 25/06/2019 15:16

I'd be very concerned that the marriage is at this bizarre point where you have gone all the way there before he's showing an unwillingness to participate as surely he could be just as easily at home having his hobby time? Did you railroad him into this holiday or did he just disengage? Huge problems either way.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 25/06/2019 15:49

Omg really? Would you really think the marriage was in trouble if the dh was proposing to spend the day alone sketching the view from the front room window?

Some total overreactions on this thread.

KatherineJaneway · 25/06/2019 16:03

Personally, any holiday that involves lots of walking or walks would not be for me. Simply of no interest. I would go on one or two but would hope my family would let me be for the other times when I wanted to do my own thing.

Omzlas · 25/06/2019 16:13

You've gone on holiday and he's brought his console?

Him being miserable is the least of your concerns OP

ThatLightIsBright · 25/06/2019 19:09

Sorry but gaming is depressing. Get out, get some sunlight and do some exercise.

ThatLightIsBright · 25/06/2019 19:10

Feel sorry for you OP. Couldn’t be married to a man like that Flowers. How utterly depressing.

FriarTuck · 25/06/2019 19:12

Some total overreactions on this thread.
This ^^. In bucketfuls.

iolaus · 25/06/2019 19:13

I've been away with my inlaws, and it's nothing personal against them - but I can't spend 24/7 with them for more than a day or so, it doesn't mean I don't like them

In actual fact going away with my parents I'd want a few hours without them as well

Oysterbabe · 25/06/2019 19:22

He wants a break from your parents. I like my inlaws but a holiday with them is not a proper holiday in that I can't relax in the way that I would if it is just DH and the kids.