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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 09:42

There seems to be an echo in here

adaline · 25/06/2019 09:42

And what's wrong with taking a day to yourself on holiday?

Being on a family holiday doesn't mean you need to spend 24/7 together! He takes a day, OP takes a day and they still have five days to spend "as a family".

Sirzy · 25/06/2019 09:43

So basically they all have to stay stuck together the whole time irrespective of what the people away actually want to do? Nobody is allowed any time away from the others?

Aberforthsgoat · 25/06/2019 09:44

The last I’ll say on it @Costacoffeeplease but trashy books often have 18+ sexual content and novels often have graphic violence.
Books aren’t the same as games, granted, but I’ve never understood the superiority complex people have about games.
iPad games can also be violent, it’s obtuse to suggest otherwise.

Anyway that’s not what this thread is about, I think a lot of it depends on what activities are being proposed, how much the in laws are pushing etc - being generally disinterested isn’t on though.

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 09:44

So basically they all have to stay stuck together the whole time irrespective of what the people away actually want to do? Nobody is allowed any time away from the others?

Well quite. Seems bizarrely co-dependent.

JaceLancs · 25/06/2019 09:46

I thought it was weird the first time my DP took his PS4 on holiday
However he had thoughtfully downloaded a few films that he knew I wanted to watch - we also used it to watch prime and Netflix plus a bit of YouTube
We tend to go out for the day and eat out in an evening but not really into pubs or clubs so usually back to hotel or apartment by 9.30 if on holiday in UK
He only used it to game once whilst I was having a long soak in the bath with a good book
Different with young DC hope he does his share
I’m not sure holidays with in laws or parents work unless you are all very close and have similar interests

Reith · 25/06/2019 09:46

Nothing less attractive than a grown man who needs to game. Ugh.

Given the state of men's mental health at the moment, I think that's quite harmful attitude. Short-sighted at least.

araiwa · 25/06/2019 09:48

'Hes too old for a ps4'

'Some games are 18+'

Jeebus.make your mind up

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 09:48

Given the state of men's mental health at the moment, I think that's quite harmful attitude

I agree.

It really seems so foolish not to consider the real positives that gaming can bring.

Aberforthsgoat · 25/06/2019 09:48

nothing less attractive than a man who needs to game

To me, there’s nothing less attractive than someone who is obsessed with Love Island... each to their own.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/06/2019 09:48

I think if he wants to stay in and play PS4 all the time on holiday that would be sad.

I also notice that he didn’t offer to look after the baby so OP could have some grown up time with her parents.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 09:49

And games addiction affects mental health negatively too

No they don’t have to stick together but splitting up and doing different activities is different from one person opting out on their own - and having pre planned it

MissRhubarb · 25/06/2019 09:50

It's not the bringing the PS4 or any other gadget that I'd have a problem with. It's the attitude of expecting you to do the parenting while he opts out. If it's just one day, and he's happy to have the baby one of the other days while you go and do something of your choice then that's fair. But I get the frustration - you wanted to spend time together as a family.

Also, I have a couple of friends whose husbands/partners started off like this and then it mutated into a lifetime of avoiding going on any sort of family holidays. One mate takes her 3 kids to Haven every year for a week on her own, while her husband stays at home, purely because he doesn't want to go. She finds it lonely she says but does it for the kids. There's not trade for time to herself and I think it's a bit shit of him (no parents in law involved either).

diddl · 25/06/2019 09:52

"To me, there’s nothing less attractive than someone who is obsessed with Love Island."

Well for me it would be someone who wanted to holiday with their parents...

Snog · 25/06/2019 09:52

It can be quite intense to holiday with relatives. We have done it several times and certainly don't spend every day together. It's also fine in our family for anyone to spend a day or two on their own.

It's DH's holiday too so if playing PS4 is what he likes to do then one day of this surely isn't harming anyone. Maybe he could cook a nice meal for the family in the evening whilst he is at home.

adaline · 25/06/2019 09:52

And games addiction affects mental health negatively too

Spending one day to yourself on holiday doing your hobby isn't in any way indicative of a gaming addiction, though Confused

ForalltheSaints · 25/06/2019 09:52

Next holiday, no PS4. Agreed upfront.

I'd be OK with him staying behind or doing something separate whilst looking after the baby, but otherwise surely part of the point of a holiday is doing things together.

The lethargy I can accept especially given that many people in the UK struggle with above average temperatures and humidity, but not the PS4.

Alconleigh · 25/06/2019 09:53

Ignoring the gaming point, what are the activities that are available, that he says he doesn't fancy? Is it v rural and there isn't much or is he just being a bit negative? You mention he isn't thinking of anything himself; is that the real issue? I ask as I know from experience that holidaying with passive people who won't do any research or thinking but sit there like a dollop expecting to be presented with an itinerary is horrendous; utterly draining.

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 09:53

No they don’t have to stick together but splitting up and doing different activities is different from one person opting out on their own - and having pre planned it

Except it is healthy to plan some alone time if that's what you need?

My ex-husband used to really need some downtime in the first couple of days of holiday. SO he would plan exactly that - in return towards the end of the holiday he would reciprocate and I would get the downtime.

And games addiction affects mental health negatively too

There's nothing to suggest an addiction though.

53rdWay · 25/06/2019 09:53

I have nothing against games or consoles, but if I had a 7-month-old I’d be seriously fucked off if my DH’s idea of a holiday was me taking the baby out all day while he sat around playing Call of Duty.

Also, it’s rude to accept a holiday from your ILs and then refuse to go along to anything as a family. Fine to want some of your own time, not fine to turn down all suggestions as ‘don’t really fancy it’ while failing to offer any of your own.

Aprillygirl · 25/06/2019 09:55

I would be miffed if he didn't make any effort and opted out of all family outings OP, but if he wants to spend the odd day alone at home I'd be fine with that. As long as he was willing to take care of the baby if I wanted to do something child free that is.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 09:56

Spending one day to yourself on holiday doing your hobby isn't in any way indicative of a gaming addiction, though

Not being able to go without it for a week suggests otherwise

BjornAgain81 · 25/06/2019 09:56

Incidentally, 52% of gamers are now female.

Cookit · 25/06/2019 09:56

If I was in a self catering house with my ILs I wouldn’t really consider it a holiday in all honesty. We get on ok but I wouldn’t be able to fully relax and I might get a bit irritable after a day or two. Like a PP said I’d have probably taken a stack of books with me which is probably my equivalent of a PlayStation (I was a bit Hmm at the PS4 but that’s probably more my distaste / prejudice at grown men gaming than anything else).
Meh, he’s a bit out of order but seriously it’s not like it’s a great, relaxing holiday with your parents. Write this one off.

adaline · 25/06/2019 09:58

Not being able to go without it for a week suggests otherwise

People aren't criticised for taking books with them on holiday. Does that mean they have a reading addiction? Or is it only an addiction when the hobby involves a screen? and you disapprove of it

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