I've had an altercation at the school gate this morning and I'm shaken up!

[NotStrongYet]

I was on my way into school early. It's school photos day so those with siblings could arrive early for a sibling shoot. I parked up and got the kids out of the car and all of a sudden I heard the most awful shouting. It was a Mum, screaming aggressively at her kid. The daughter (maybe aged 7) had run away up the street next to the school. The mum left her little boy (aged 2 i would guess) on a grass verge and ran after her daughter. I couldn't actually see what was happening at this point but I could hear the mum screaming and the daughter crying. They then followed us up the path to school. The Mum was shouting "do you know what happens to kids like you that run off? People take them and kill them!!!" I was a few feet ahead with my 5 and 3 year old who were looking more and more worried by the stuff the lady was screaming. I carried on walking. The daughter then said "mum I don't want to go to school". The mum grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, before sliding her arm in between her daughters back and her school bag and dragging her along the full length of the playground by the bag. Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete. I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". She said "this is a daily occurrence and the school know about it". She was almost hit by a car round there and every day she says she doesn't want to go to school" I said "I understand that, but what you're doing is wrong". She preceded to drag the child along the ground whilst shouting at her. I have told my daughters teacher and I've been assured this is going to be followed up. I'm shaking and not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels like I have. No child deserves to be treated like that, regardless of the circumstances.

sounds like the poor mum is at breaking point.

YANBU sounds very upsetting. Well done for saying something.

Perhaps you should offer helpful assistance, rather than distant judgement.

Whether mum is at breaking point or not it doesn’t excuse physical and verbal behaviour like that. What goes on when they are not in public?
I’d be tempted to call social services too. You absolutely did right thing to intervene.

sounds like the poor mum is at breaking point.

She may well be, but her behaviour is still unacceptable and will not be helping the situation.

You did the right thing OP.

I told my neighbour when I got home, she told me she has also witnessed this mum throw her child face first into a metal gate. She too reported it the leisure centre staff where it happened but she doesn't know if it was followed up.

“What you’re doing is really upsetting me” seems a bit self absorbed and a silly thing to say.
Just reporting it to the school is enough.
It doesn’t sound ideal but she seems like she’s at the end of her tether with it. It must be very difficult dealing with a child that runs into the road to avoid school. She hasn’t dealt with it properly but you don’t know how many mornings she’s had to do this or what’s lead up to it.

Very brave of you to say that,round here they would have screamed at you or worse

Ok I posted before the metal gate post...I still think reporting it to the school is enough. If you email in rather than speaking to the teacher they are more likely to follow it up because of the paper trail.

So you pulled her up on her behaviour because it was upsetting you, and not because she’s abusing her DD

I feel for that mother. At 7yo shes running into the streets? She needs to be firmly held and hauled into school. And I'm not sure where the altercation with you occurred?

Did you help with her 2 yr old? I'd have been concerned about that.

You didn’t really have an altercation. You interrupted one. Reporting to the school as pp have said, is enough.

“What you’re doing is really upsetting me” seems a bit self absorbed and a silly thing to say.

You are right. That wasn't the best thing for me to say. I didn't think before I spoke, it just came out and before I knew it, I had said it.

It sounds like the mother was having an awful time and could have done with support rather than judgement. Why didn't you offer to help?

The mother was struggling with her child running off and potentially coming to harm and instead of offering help you offered judgement.

Aghast at: "sounds like poor mum is at breaking point" - she might well be, but in the mean time the child is being manhandled / borderline physical abuse!

Maybe instead of making your comment about YOU (‘You’re really upsetting ME’) you could have said ‘Can I do anything to help you?’

And don’t judge her. It’s very easy to do that on a snapshot of her day. You’ve no idea what she’s been up against and having a ‘runner’ for a child can certainly push you to breaking point in those situations.

I think you did the right thing notifying a teacher sounds like the family need help.

I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". < probably not how I’d have worded it tbh.

You need to follow this up with the school in writing (email) and include the new information you have heard from your neighbour.

What You need to say is a factual account of what you witnessed this morning and what your neighbour has told you they witnessed and then leave it with the school who should involve their safeguarding lead and report to SS for further assessment

(I used to be a Nurse working in HV and had extensive child protection training btw)

sounds like the poor mum is at breaking point.

That doesn't make her behaviour acceptable! She left her 2 year old unattended on a grass verge near a road, and was being physically aggressive with her seven year old!

I wish people wouldn't say "oh, she's stressed/struggling" - and? Lots of parents struggle but that doesn't mean you can behave in that way!

It actually sounds like the mother is completely at the end of her tether. Rather than lecturing her, perhaps asking if you can help (eg take the younger sibling) would have been a practical solution. Remember things aren't black and white, and getting support is harder and harder, the girl wasn't being naughty she has problems

Wow! I'm amazed at the people saying that you shouldn't judge / should offer help etc. This is CHILD ABUSE people! Doesn't matter if mum is at breaking point or not, it doesn't excuse the behaviour. Social services involvement is needed in these circumstances, and then, if the mother needs understanding and help, that's in their remit to provide! A horrible thing to witness OP!

The poor child. She hates school for some reason and noone is listening to her.

The mother needs a bloody good slap.

I really do think you must alert SSD. Do you know the child's name?
My guess is that she will already be known to them, but you need to flag up this incident and your neighbour's report of a previous incident.

Also follow up with the school.

It is hard to do the right thing in these situations and not a comfortable situation for you, but every time someone stays silent out of embarrassment at interfering, this poor child is locked in a situation where she is powerless to defend herself. Her only hope is the adults around her.