I've had an altercation at the school gate this morning and I'm shaken up!

[NotStrongYet]

I was on my way into school early. It's school photos day so those with siblings could arrive early for a sibling shoot. I parked up and got the kids out of the car and all of a sudden I heard the most awful shouting. It was a Mum, screaming aggressively at her kid. The daughter (maybe aged 7) had run away up the street next to the school. The mum left her little boy (aged 2 i would guess) on a grass verge and ran after her daughter. I couldn't actually see what was happening at this point but I could hear the mum screaming and the daughter crying. They then followed us up the path to school. The Mum was shouting "do you know what happens to kids like you that run off? People take them and kill them!!!" I was a few feet ahead with my 5 and 3 year old who were looking more and more worried by the stuff the lady was screaming. I carried on walking. The daughter then said "mum I don't want to go to school". The mum grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, before sliding her arm in between her daughters back and her school bag and dragging her along the full length of the playground by the bag. Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete. I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". She said "this is a daily occurrence and the school know about it". She was almost hit by a car round there and every day she says she doesn't want to go to school" I said "I understand that, but what you're doing is wrong". She preceded to drag the child along the ground whilst shouting at her. I have told my daughters teacher and I've been assured this is going to be followed up. I'm shaking and not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels like I have. No child deserves to be treated like that, regardless of the circumstances.

I think YABU, and I am all for being interfering. She was chasing her DD who was hit by a car recently after running into the road. She had been forced to leave her 2 year old on the side of the road alone. If I was chasing 1 child who had recently be hit by a car and forced to leave a 2 year old alone by the side of the road I would be terrified. All I would want to do is get the DD asap to the 2 year old, to make sure neither was hit by a car. It sounds like a totally terrifying situation for the mum.

And then you interrupted and in what you said made it all about you?

I can't really visualise the dragging thing?? If her arm was behingd the girls back she must have been pushing her along surely not dragging

You did the right thing reporting it and hopefully this mum will get the support she needs cos she’s clearly cracking.

I was very worried reading that, about the 2yo left on the side of the road! Almost stopping myself reading further!

I have seen similar in supermarkets before now (smacking, grabbing, pulling).

Whats shocks me over and over is everyone else walked on by.

You did right to say something, to raise it.

This is an horrendous way to deal with a dc avoiding school. Many avoid for very very good reason, and this happens!

No, its not about how much it upsets you,but whats being done to the dc,but you said something at least. You also reported it, and im sure they must be aware, as tue dc cant be behaving normally ince in school after that treatment.

Well done for saying something. Lets hope they get proper help.

The mum needs support, clearly. Report without judgment.

I can't believe you said that. You were being VERY unreasonable and making it all about yourself.

She left her 2 year old unattended on a grass verge near a road, Because her child ran up the street and potentially could have been hit by a car! The poor woman panicked.

I agree with The mother was struggling with her child running off and potentially coming to harm and instead of offering help you offered judgement. - You could have said 'I can see you have your hands full, would you like me to hold the baby/your bag' etc etc

We are all at breaking point at some point or another, but we do NOT resort to physically hurting our children. No matter what.

I am very glad you did intervene, thank goodness for parents like you. No one should ever think that is acceptable, you should follow up with an email to the school regarding safe guarding / social service support for this child and family.

That poor child, what a totally dreadful situation. It has upset me just reading your post, so I can totally understand why you are still shaking.

Have a cup of tea, and follow up. The school should be addressing this now very robustly.

Exactly what jennymanara said

I actually think what you said was perfect.
Had you said the way you are behaving is wrong etc that could have escalated her temper towards her daughter.
You highlighted how her behaviour was making you, a grown adult feel, so God only knows how the child felt.
You did the right thing OP by highlighting her behaviour is unacceptable. And you have told the school and they can hopefully provide more support to the family.
Go get a big cup of tea and try relax a little.
Poor little girl will be expected to pose for a photo now. How sad indeed

I can't really visualise the dragging thing?? If her arm was behingd the girls back she must have been pushing her along surely not dragging 

Imagine you're next to your child, they are wearing a backpack. You put your arm between the bag and the child's back and raise your arm so that both the straps of the bag are looped over your arm. She did that. The girl was facing the ground being dragged by the straps of her backpack. Shins getting dragged along the concrete.

Because her child ran up the street and potentially could have been hit by a car! The poor woman panicked.

That doesn't excuse being physically aggressive with your child though!

Report without judgement? Seriously?

shesgrownhorns

Seriously. That mum sounds desperate. It’s easy to judge before you’ve been in her situation. What she needs is help.

I thought YWBU up until the point where you said she was dragging her child across the floor. Definitely YANBU

The shins dragging on the concrete is making me feel sick.

You did well to be as restrained as you were, it must have been horrific to witness. That poor little girl. I can't imagine how bad school must be for her, if she would rather stat at home with a parent like that

“What you’re doing is really upsetting me” seems a bit self absorbed and a silly thing to say.
Just reporting it to the school is enough

I agree. I'd have just said something to the school,she was never going to say "Oh yes,I AM being rough,I'll stop immediately,sorry darling" was she?

Ahh op I don’t know if AIBU is the right place if you’re feeling fragile. I’m sure you weren’t being self absorbed, it’s just really hard to know what to say isn’t it? Especially when you are trying to intervene without being confrontational.

We all get pushed to breaking but even then, it sounds like she crossed the line. Understanding something doesn’t make it excusable.

You did what you thought was right, you intervened and reported. You did great

hercule would you judge her if it turned out she'd taken the child home and beaten her black and blue? Or would you just wish her well and offer support?

She said this happens everyday. If she knows her daughter is a runner then she should have a plan in place to prevent it. Stick the kid on reigns before leaving the house. Keep a grip on her arm. But if she's not doing anything to pre-empt the running, then she really can't flip out when it happens. Her behaviour was atrocious. Doesn't matter if she's angry or at the end of her tether; she's well aware that this is usual behaviour for her child so she should prevent it. Instead, she waits for it to happen and then physically punishes her. She needs some help.

There's something really odd about this, the level of detail, your disregard for the 2 year old and the only thing you said was all about you and your feelings.

You should have offered to help her, or used your common sense and stood beside her younger child to keep an eye on.

I actually think that saying it was upsetting you was the best way to address it OP, it made it the least confrontational.

Its clearly completely inappropriate I'd report to school and hope they do the right thing and report to SS.

To be fair, its likely they already have. We had next door neighbours who had a child who got regularly dragged to school. We were about to contact SS after a particularly aggressive episode but the police showed up so we didn't have to.

hercule would you judge her if it turned out she'd taken the child home and beaten her black and blue? Or would you just wish her well and offer support?

She didn’t, as far as we know. Why is it relevant whether I would judge her for what she didnt’ do?

OMFG.

OP, you ignore every single idiot here who says you were in the wrong or who picks apart your choice of words in the moment.

You are absolutely utterly 100% right to speak up and to email the school with concerns, including what you heard from your neighbour.