Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

[interestingdays]

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

Sorry but i'd think it was very rude if a child didnt thank me for a lift.

She should have said please and thank you. Sorry, but she was being rude. A lesson learnt for your daughter. I don't think it's worth stewing over though.

It might just be something the girl has made up because SHE thought it was rude. Either way, I think it’s fair to say that if she knows them well enough to get a lift she knows them well enough to say thanks. I’d just remind her always to say thanks when people do something for her, and then put it out of your mind.

You would be unreasonable. If your daughter didn't say thanks then she was being rude. The other parent could have let it slide but she was within her rights to remind your daughter of manners

Teach your daughter to say thanks then?

I would say that for whatever reason your dd let herself down on that occasion and was indeed rude.

She has been 'judged' on the evidence of not saying please and thank you to someone who was doing her a favour. Seems fair to me. Teach her to be more polite.

I also agree she was being very rude not to say thank you if given a lift.
If you behave rudely, people will think you are rude, it's not rocket science. The fact that she didn't know her, makes it worse imo.

Assuming the lift was offered, there wouldn't have been a need to say please.

I think she's overreacting. She's 8. If she was physically handing her something, that's slightly different but a lift? A lot of 8 year olds would be preoccupied with getting out, going into the house etc. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if a child of that age didn't say thanks, if they were polite otherwise.

I used to give one of my Dds friends a life every week, she used to just get out of the car and say Bye. It made me madder and madder, I thought she was so so rude. In the end I told DD she wouldn’t get another lift until she started using manners.

DD told her, I wonder if she told her mum?

🤷‍♀️ but she was rude.

Obviously it’s tough to hear (assuming it’s true) but it IS rude not to thank someone for a lift. I think you need to have a word with your DD and remind her how important thank yous are rather than messaging the other parent!

Don't message the other mum. Why on earth would you?

Just tell your daughter that in order to not be perceived as rude it would be best to say thank you.

New friend and mum or not, it’s only polite to say please and thank you.

I think she is 8 and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if an 8 year old didn't thank me for a lift. I would appreciate but not expect a thanks via a text/message from the parent of said 8 year old.

It is a lift, it isn't the same to a young child as handing them something they understand like sweets or such like. They don't all understand the effort involved (extra distance/fuel/effort etc) that goes into driving.

So, no YANBU.

She was rude.

I'm not sure what you would even say in a text about it

What's your AIBU?

Imagine the other mother’s AIBU! “Am I being unreasonable? I gave a friend of my daughter’s a lift home as a favour. She didn’t say thanks, and I mentioned to my daughter later that it was a bit rude of her (thinking I don’t want her to catch this kind of bad habit!). Now I’ve had the girl’s mother on the phone telling me off for calling her DD rude! AIBU to think this is rude and ungrateful of her, and now I know where the girl gets it from?”

We're talking about an 8 year old. Some of the responses on this thread (from people who are hopefully possibly older than 8) are rude and really fucking nasty.

Um... she was rude in this instance. Maybe it was a one-off, but new friend's mum wouldn't know that. Perhaps remind her to always say please and thank you rather than leaping automatically to her defence?

Of course it is rude not to thank someone for a lift.

You need to work on those manners! Sorry I really judge those kids that don’t say thank you for lifts - just makes them seem so entitled I would be mortified if mine didn’t thank after every lift

Your DD was being rude. Perhaps the mum didnt mean to gossip but used your daughters example to tell her daugher how not to behave in a situation where someone is doing you a favour.

If I were that mum and you send me a message to complain it would have made me think that the apple did not fall far from the tree and perhaps would even have told you that as a reply.

If anything, send her a message to thank her for the lift and mention that DD might have forgotten to say so but surely appreciated the kind gesture.

Of course she should have said 'Thank you'. Stop making excuses.

A one of behaviour does not determine if a child has been rude.