Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

[interestingdays]

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

I think people are being a overly harsh, shes a young child, of course its polite to say thank you , but she may be painfully shy. I don't think judging. anyone, let alone a child over one forgotten thank you is reasonable!
I may be biased as I was painfully shy as a child, terrified of talking to people I didn't know , and was lambasted by a friends grandmother, who was strict and slightly frightening for not saying thank you and being a horrid rude child, I was just too scared to talk to her! I still remember the pain over 40 years later.
TBH I would try and explain next time I see the mum that your dc is shy and uncertain so forgot to say sorry but was grateful of the lift. she is bu brandishing your dc as rude after just one experience.

Of course Pepe are being overly harsh. This thread is INSANE

I guess it was a play date or you needed them to give your child a lift. In either scenario YOU should have said thanks. If the child did, great - lovely and they have good manners. If they didn't they're 8 and maybe they forgot. Hopefully they were well behaved and not a nightmare on the journey. She's not being branded as rude, she didn't say thank you for something that maybe she didn't understand when the people around her did. If a child needs someone else to give her a lift because you're not/can't you explain and you explain that they should also be grateful.

She’s 8! My son is 8 and I always teach him to say please and thank you but if I’m not there he sometimes wouldn’t necessarily remember to say it and if I was giving one of his friends a lift home I wouldn’t think anything of it, I’d expect the parents to thank me for giving the lift, not the child.

Ammm I would have been much more likely to think the parent was rude if they didn’t say thank you rather than the child to be honest. I also think getting so uptight with kids about how they get home is crazy! A lift isn’t helping an 8 year old child, it’s helping the parent of that child, yes it would have been great had she said thank you but meh otherwise 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not to say please and thank you when someone has done something for you is obviously rude.

However, that is not to say your daughter is generally rude as an individual it may have been, a one off, a mis-judging of the situation etc. etc.

I'm sure all of us have slipped up on our manners on one occasion or more.

The mum who wasn't thanked is perfectly entitled to be miffed at the manners your child displayed on that occasion and judge her as being a rude child. I'm sure if your daughter has more encounters with her and is polite her opinion will change.

YABU to suggest people cannot judge your daughter based on her behaviour just because you believe it is not typical of her normal self.

If i shouted at you in the supermarket you would judge me as rude although unbeknown to you i might have never done that before and i was having a very bad day. Doesn't make me any less rude and deserving of judgement on that occasion.

I know it can't be nice to have someone think badly of your lovely daughter but you simply need to reinforce that you always thank someone for a lift and move on. If your daughter displays no more rude behaviour, no-one else will think her rude and the parent will change her mind.

t doesn't matter how you try to justify it, or how rude other kids are, or how polite your child normally is.

Your child was rude in this scenario. That's it. The mother has done nothing wrong. Your kid was rude. End of.

@Bluntness100 what planet do you live o where a child forgetting to say thank you is rude but a grown woman gossiping about a child to her child is okay 👌🏻

This thread is batshit.

Your daughter hasn't been "branded" OP.
All that has happened is that her friend has overheard a casual remark from the mother regarding a one-off occasion where your daughter forgot her usually good manners.

Use it as a learning opportunity & move on. Your girl does not need to pick up on your stress & over-reaction.