Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

[interestingdays]

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

Your daughters manners slipped, not the end of the world.

Her friend also displayed poor manners by shaming her.

If the mother discussed this with her daughter, she also fell below the exacting standards she sets for others.

A group fail.

Ignore it and move on. Remind your daughter about her pleases and thank yous.

The mum was out of order telling her DD she thought your DD was rude, there's no need.
But your DD should of said thank you in the situation, don't message the woman though you'll look like abit of a loon.

It's useful to remind your DD that some people can become judgemental very easily so it's safest to remember to always at least say please and thank you. It is rude not to thank someone, but getting excited about an 8 year old forgetting is silly. I wouldn't message the mum except to thank her for the lift (assuming you hadn't already), you'd be totally in the wrong for reacting to a comment an 8 year old passed on.

Other mum probably didn't directly say @interestingdays DD is rude.

Probably more likely she said to her own DD, 'you must always make sure you thank people if you're given a lift' and then told her DD 'because it's rude not to', when her DD inevitably asked her why.

Bit different to stating outright your DD is rude.

I wouldn't take the word of a fellow 8 year old as to what her mum may have said!

Did you text and thank the mum after the event? Or say thank you at drop off?
If I'm honest, I would've thought your DD was rude, but I wouldn't have mentioned it to my DD so that she could pass the message on!

She was rude, OP. Tell her not to be next time.

She's bloody 8 ffs and as another poster said I'd have an issue with the other mom chatting shit about her manners.

The parent may have said to her dd that leaving the car without saying thank you appeared rude as an example to her own daughter. It doesn't mean she had been branded as rude, just that one act was. Explain to your daughter about the first impressions people get and next time to remember her manners and it will fix it. Don't over think it more than that.

You’re not seriously thinking of texting her are you?

The behavior was rude.

Your daughter is not rude if she normally says please/thank you and forgot this one time or was too shy to speak.

Always important when child is dropped off or you pick her up at the end of a play date to say in front of the other parent 'Isabella, did you say thank you for the playdate and the ride home?' and either they say yes, or then they say it. it shows the other parent that you know it's important and that you are instilling this in your offspring.

I'd say don't overthink it. It could have been a passing comment from the mum, which your daughter's friend gleefully recounted to her (I remember friends doing similar when I was a kid). Remind your DD to say thanks when people have done favours. I'd only speak to the mum - and probably not yet - if it seems as though there are bigger issues at play.

Ffs, what uptight posters! A child would usually know to say thankyou if something is handed to them but often wouldn't realise they are meant to thank someone for a lift. When I used to pick up my son from playing at a friends, I would remind him quietly to thank the friends mum or dad. Children often need reminding about social cues which come naturally to adults (well, some adults apparently).
OP, I would just say to my child to remember to say thankyou and goodbye when they got out of a car when someone is giving them a lift- other than that, I wouldn't think anymore of it.

Of course she says thank you. I walked to and fro to school for about four weeks aged 11 which took 40 mins there 40 mind back. One of my neighbours took his daughter on same trip ever day. They saw me walking one day and that night offered me a lift back and forth if i got to their house (4 doors up) by 8.30am. I never ever missed that lift for the next two years till their daughter left school, said thank you after ever lift and gave a gift of wine (mum bought) end of the term. Vvv grateful i say thank you 1000 times. Who wouldnt say thank you. I was an 11 year old who ever talked but knew i needed to say thank you. If not i risked losing the lift

At 8 years old, she should know to say thank you. Very, very rude.

I wouldn't expect an 8yo to see a lift as a favour to them - it's presumably been organised between the parents, so it's just logistics. Not many 8yos would be walking home alone unless a friends' parents offered them a lift these days.
I would try and remind my DD7 to thank the parent, and I would thank them at drop off, but I wouldn't expect it of her.
If someone gave her a chocolate biscuit or helped her with her shoe laces however, I'd expect her to fire out a thank you on reflex!

I can’t believe some of these replies 🙈 she’s only 8 years old 🤷‍♀️ She could never shy, preoccupied..or didn’t realise to say ‘Thank you’ I think in this context, it’s quite understandable that she might not. It isn’t a direct situation, such as asking for something without saying please or being given something without saying thank you-which children are generally more likely to do.
As said above, maybe just gently remind her to thank after a lift and saying goodbye.

The other Mum probably reminded her own daughter to always say thank you after she noticed your daughter didn’t. Something along the lines of, xx didn’t say thanks which is a little rude, make sure you always do.

Of course her DD shouldn’t have repeated what her Mum said but no big deal really,

Kids do constantly need reminding about manners. My dd is 6 and she’s terrible for not saying please and thank you. I pull her up on it every single time but she’s still careless with it.

When other mums at school say hello to her she doesn’t respond. Again I pull her up on it every single time. She still doesn’t do it. She says she’s scared or shy.

It does my head in.

*She could be shy

Er... she's 8. My son is incredibly polite but I'm not sure it would occur to him to say thank you for a lift from a grown up.

She’s rude. You sound like one of ‘those’ Mums TBH. The ones that think their offspring can do no wrong

I wouldn’t bat an eye lid if an 8 year old didn’t say thank you. Children can be shy, forget etc Some children come across as lacking manners because they are just shy and awkward too.

I think people (maybe including OP) are confusing someone behaving rudely, with someone “being rude” as a characteristic if that makes sense? You can acknowledge that forgetting to say thanks is rude, without saying the little girl is a terrible person! We’re all rude at some points and surely discovering how people react to that is what teaches us to be polite! No-one is saying she’s a baby hooligan just that it’s better to use things like this to reinforce manners, than excuse her and get annoyed with another mum.

This reminds me of teacher friends who have parents marching in to complain that their child has been told off. Not disputing that bad behaviour has happened but saying the teacher has no right to be annoyed about little X refusing to do work/hitting another child/ setting fire to the bike shed.

These replies are insane! Do people realise how little 8 is?