I dumped him (nicely) wibu?

[BustedToaster]

'You're only the 3rd person I've ever been inside' - said to me whilst dtd!!!!!! That little gem came from a 54yo man I've been dating for the last month. It was an unwarranted bit of info. I was like wtf????? Who talks like that? Instant passion killer. He was doing ok until that point. It was the 'been inside' bit that really put me off.

And if that wasn't enough, he had a collection of over 50 pairs of winklepickers - yes really. And he bought me 6 pairs of lacey white stockings to wear.. bleurghhhh. Tell me I'm not alone & that that'd make your toes curl too.

@SuperSara ew is an expression used to express disgust. It's pronounced how it's spelled.

For example " ew, that's disgusting ", similar to " ugh "

Winklepickers= shit flickers

Poor Steve 😂😂😂

I can just imagine the post-shag moment

"Did Steve do good? Yes he did good. Good Steve. She liked that one. Goooooood Steve."

We want the lyrics, JaquesHammer!

Penetration Man:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2713481-Penetration-man

Talking about this thread with a friend at work. She recalled an ex who sang 'CHAMPION THE WONDER HORSE' at the moment of conclusion

I once had sex with a guy who talked throughout, to HIMSELF. Encouraging himself onward. Yes Steve, come on Steve keep at it Steve she's loving this, you're nearly there Steve. I didn't have sex with Steve again after that

I'm absolutely pissing my sides, I read that as a Lord Of The Rings extract, 'she's loving it precious'! 😂😂

The number of people shouldnt be an issue but its sounds like you don't really like him to be honest

SunsetBeetch

Put it this way, he definitely had a little something for me. Thanks MN8.

I’d forgotten penetration man. I must have been lucky so far with the dicks I’ve encountered reading that 😳

@CheeseToastieAndABrew well it would of been weird if he had brought his coach ? Lol

I once asked my husband in the early years to talk dirty to me during dtd, to be abit nastier if you will. (It was the youth in me I swear) so he started saying 'oh you dirty bastard, I'll smash your teeth in' so I burst out laughing and he carried on 'you wont be laughing when you've got no teeth' ... it killed me off. He was way out of his comfort zone and fyi has never laid a finger on me. My mum loves that story

Different people have different turn ons. Although saying that probably wasn't an effort to turn you on 😂

@rackhampearl 😂😂😂

I bet you've dragged that out for years! 😂😂

@rackhampearl Just read it to my DH, he's crying! 😂

@rackhampearl does the pre dts dirty talk seem like a boxing press conference in your house ? Lol

@CheeseToastie
I fully have. I've been dining out on it for years. Dinner parties, bbqs. It always gets a good laugh.

@BlackDadnearly30 Thankfully it was just the one time. I learned my lesson and never asked for anything like that again

@rockhampearl, I don't blame you, I think I'd have it on my gravestone to amuse the mourners!

I've just watched something quite serious, then read your post again and was instantly pissing my sides again. I actually think it's one of the funniest things I've ever read.....😂😂

@Cheesetoastie he will never live it down. I won't let him. 😂 tbf he's the sweetest guy just abit of a lad so I feel bad I ever put that on him.

Have we had any renditions of "Jerusalem" or "Land of hope and glory" at all someone must have?.

'Tell me I'm bigger than a donkey.' Still dont know how I managed not to burst out laughing.

I dumped a guy who asked me how long was I going to be when he was doing foreplay on me.

Alan Rickman 🤤

There is no wand more powerful. It answers to you, and to you only

Yup that’ll do it.

Tell me I'm bigger than a donkey.

BWAHAHAHAAAA 😂😂

This thread is killing me! I honestly can’t choose my favourite contribution 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’ll add my own: my ex once called out “the earth is moving!” as he finished. It stayed pretty fucking still for me.