I dumped him (nicely) wibu?

[BustedToaster]

'You're only the 3rd person I've ever been inside' - said to me whilst dtd!!!!!! That little gem came from a 54yo man I've been dating for the last month. It was an unwarranted bit of info. I was like wtf????? Who talks like that? Instant passion killer. He was doing ok until that point. It was the 'been inside' bit that really put me off.

And if that wasn't enough, he had a collection of over 50 pairs of winklepickers - yes really. And he bought me 6 pairs of lacey white stockings to wear.. bleurghhhh. Tell me I'm not alone & that that'd make your toes curl too.

🤣🤣🤣 This is the best post/thread I've ever read! I have no words 🤣🤣🤣

I can remember reading a similar thread here once before and a poster told a story ; she was giving head to a man and when he came, he shouted something like DRINK FROM MY FOUNTAIN 😂😂😂😂

I have never forgotten it.

My ex used to start grunting, muttering such treasures as “come on! Let’s get that right in there!” Like he was stuffing a chicken. Silly bastard couldn’t even get it up half the time so it was rare he was getting anything “in” anywhere.

Absolutely hilarious. How did you not die laughing?

Oh now I have recalled some of my own unfortunate experiences . . .

1. With a new guy. All going well. I don't know what I was thinking about, never done this before, but for some reason said his name 'uhhhh . . .Dave . . .' sort of thing.

He stopped and said 'yeah, what?'

1. Fumbling around in throes of passion. He says 'Danm! I can's find a condom'. 'Try my bag' I said helpfully.

'Er no. I'd rather have a condom'. He was v v v funny though it did kill the mood a bit.

I’m laughing hysterically here. It’s like the penetration thread all over again. 😂😂😂

HImself has been pissing himself every time I say Steve. Good work, people.

The winkle-picker collection would have been enough to turn me off.

Oh god, I remember Penetration man. I think that thread’s in Classics.

Sexy talk is VERY individual. What one person finds super sexy can be ludicrous or gross to the next.

I had a friend who was convinced it was sexy to say during his frisky escapades 'I want to breathe in your scent.' I can't imagine he did so well in getting follow up escapades.

Although I did say that my friend thought this to a lesbian friend of mine for a laugh and she thought it was pretty hot.

Horses for courses. Still, there are some fucking weird horses out there.

Just thinking about my own horses for courses comment and I can't think of one single thing a woman has ever said to me in the throws of passion that I found off putting during sex. I wonder if any man ever has? If I did I must have just kept soldiering on.

I suppose I did get called the wrong name during sex. Her exes name. I wasn't pleased.

My ex used to call my bits my "flower", my "orchid" etc. I had to tell him if he kept calling it that he'd never get near it again (wish I'd gone that way anyway tbh!)

Ugh, I feel nauseous just thinking about it. He liked to "make love" too 🤢

My exboyf used to say "good job" afterwards

My son’s (Canadian) nursery teacher says this a lot. Along with high-fives. Did your ex also high-five you post-shag?

Urgh I had someone high 5 me after shagging. Totally disgusted with myself for going along with it of course, but you can't leave just leave someone hanging can you. Woeful

None as bad as this.....

"Thanks for that love" said afterwards. Yes, it really happened.

This is thread is getting hilarious 🤣

Years ago I slept with a bloke I met online who once we were almost ready to DTD told me " I'd like to stretch your pussy!" 🤔🤣🤣🤣

Tell him you are a member of Cats Protection.

Floribunda18 😂😂

This has been hilarious to read!

I don’t think you’re that keen on him OP and are just looking for ways to dump him. DH and I often say stupid things like that or ‘that was fun, really passed the time’ ‘you’re one of my top 50 people to hang out with’ Dump him if you’re not keen.

On the up side, laughing during sex can be good. Comments best left in an amateur 1970’s porno, not so much so.

Some of these comments are pure gold!

trebe

You sound lovely. I’d only want to be told ‘how nany’ If we were having that sort of conversation, not randomly and especially not while the bloke was inside me. Like someone else said - when someone is inside me I’d rather they were just thinking about me not previous sexual partners

1/0 or 10 ? I’m late 40’s, so 10 I suppose, but more from a ‘relationship’ POV than a sexual one.

One FWB was older than me by a lot (20 years) and had, shall we say, been around a bit with a wide variety of experiences...unfortunately he often completely missed the mark on what was a turn on to discuss and what definitely wasn’t (for me)

What I've learned as a man about sex in this thread. Keep my god damn mouth shut in bed

Trebe, better still, just keep it busy!

OP the ‘been inside’ comment wouldn’t have bothered me if we hadn’t been having sex atbthe time. During sex I’d have asked him why he thought I wanted to know that right then when I’d rather he was ‘in the moment’ with ME NOT thinking about who else he’d fucked. Wrinkle pickers - ‘meh’ not enough to make me dump someone, and white stockings. Unbothered as long as it wasn’t ‘I can’t get it up unless you’re wearing these. But I’ve had FWB/Ex’s with other equally harmless fetishes....so 🤷🏻‍♀️

However youre not unreasonable to dump anyone you’re ‘not feeling it’ with 🌸

Can anyone remember the Pirate Noises During Sex thread?

The best one on there was something like “aha! Ma Ships A’ Docking!” 😂😂

God this thread is giving me life! Also - anyone else reminded of this bit from 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'?

I had a friend who was convinced it was sexy to say during his frisky escapades 'I want to breathe in your scent

Omg this was said to me once in my younger, inexperienced years. I had no clue what he meant so offered him my armpit.