Penetration man

He had a strong regional accent and i genuinely couldn't understand most of what he said. I said pardon so many times that I'd end up nodding or smiling hoping it was the correct response.

He took off his underpants and FOLDED them neatly on a chair ...
I was hoping for unbridled passion and it was a bit of a moment killer

green underpants, not boxers or shorts but thee type you buy for little boys.

I went out with a guy who did everything reeaalllllyyyyyyy slowly. Walked slow, talked slow, ate slow. He was funny about food, we went to a restaurant and he pushed the food round his plate; when I asked him if there was anything wrong with the steak he replied 'I dinnae really eat meat'. I suggested trying the veg to which he replied 'I dinnae really eat vegetables' He was shit in bed too but ironically more of a hare than the tortoise

he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.

We need to know more about this OP. Was it a statement of intent, a statement of what he'd just done or just something he randomly said?

I dumped someone who wore jumpers that his mum knitted and had chapped lips.......I dated his brother tho

He got a tattoo.
On his forearm.
Of my name in swirly writing.
Actually not that shallow now I come to think about it.

He wouldn't let me eat McDonald's because of the amount of paper they waste...or something I wasn't listening I just heard no McDonald's and I was done...

He had one long hair growing out of his shoulder.

He licked his knife. In public. And held his spoon in a fist like a toddler does.

When we did break up he called me a few days later saying "I know I'm useless and a liar and have terrible manners, but are you sure you want to end this?" Funnily enough that didn't change my mind.

Holy flip to the guy whispering penetration in your ear!! That would have really creeped me out! That or made me wet myself laughing!

I once dated a guy who stuffed tissues down his boxers! I never found out why, it just grossed me out to find wads of tissue in there

I once dumped someone because he jizzed on my favourite shoes and I just couldn't look at them in the same way again

Reader could you not have plucked it?

A guy who kept fiddling with his nipples during sex. Not that uncommon I guess. He used to also always go and do a large post-coital shit. I dropped him after he left one too many skid marks in my loo.

Cos he was the same height as me

Not that shallow as I'm 5 foot tall lol

We looked like bloody children

He turned up to a date in black loafers with a gold bar and tassles on them.

I walked away.

Went on a date with a young Studmuffin from the gym - I was 31, he was 25.

He invited me to his flat for dinner & produced Uncle Ben's jar sauce & microwave rice. Then switched on Hollyoaks to watch, whilst we ate it from our laps on trays that his mummy had bought him.

And he couldn't come with a condom on.

Binned.

He had terrible grammar. "I can't do this no more". Urgh.

Cameron2012, my ex used to whisper the same thing.

He thought it was funny/sexy.

I wonder if it's the same guy?

<shudders>

x2boys I probably would do that now but I was 18 at the time and squeamish!

Updated his calendar for a date of our that said 'enjoy Mooey'. Then that night he ate a large dominoes, two sides, dessert AND Ben and Jerrys all to himself.
I got in my car, drove home, and blocked his number. I'm a cunt, but EUGH

Queen of the andals
We never actually had sex or even came close, he whispered pennnnnaaaatrrrraaation and then stuck his tongue in my ear

OP that's amazing lol!

I had a shag buddy who didn't make ANY noise during sex. I then realised he was the same height as me (it took a while to notice as we'd been horizontal most of the time before then). That was it for me I'm afraid (I'm 5'3").

Left his socks on and thanked me directly after sex.