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Original poster

To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

242 replies

HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 17:10

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 21/06/2019 17:11

I am on a diet too, and think it would be hideously rude. Chalk this one up to making your friend happy, and resume diet when you get home.

hammeringinmyhead · 21/06/2019 17:13

YANBU to not drink but I would feel rude taking a plate of veggies.

Danni91 · 21/06/2019 17:14

Can't live the rest of your life never being able to have a bigger than normal dinner.
I get the panic of reverting but after 3 stone I am sure you have enough faith in yourself to continue healthy eating the day after.

The things you have learnt during this weight loss will stick with you, even if you eat half the dinner and decline the drink.

If you really can't do this i would recommend not going at all, you will probably offend her.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/06/2019 17:14

It’s one night, and you don’t need to eat or drink everything that’s on offer. Take along a bottle of something nice and non-alcoholic, enjoy a night off from dieting, and go back on plan the next day. Or don’t go at all. You’re going to need to have a post diet strategy anyway once that last stone is off.

TemporaryPermanent · 21/06/2019 17:14

Yes it would be awful to take your own food, sorry. You definitely don't have to drink IMO.

Eat very minimal amounts during the day before going. Eat small portions of food, filling the plate with whatever veggies/salad she provides. Take non alcoholic celebration drinks like sparkling elderflower and Seedlip. But you absolutely must accept her food, or don't go at all.

rosie39forever · 21/06/2019 17:14

Congrats on the weight loss but omg that would be so rude, just eat small amounts of the food that's offered and make it clear you don't want alcohol, seriously no meal is not going to make any difference to your diet.

Thebookswereherfriends · 21/06/2019 17:14

You would come across as unconscionably rude and a right killjoy. Just eat a small portion of whatever is served and don’t drink alcohol.

Bluerussian · 21/06/2019 17:15

I don't think you should bring your own food, that would be rude. Just eat a little of what you are served. No one has to drink alcohol if they don't want to and you can stick to water.

toomuchfaster · 21/06/2019 17:15

You can certainly skip the alcohol, maybe a small glass if you fancy it, but don't take your own food! Accept that one meal will be over indulgent and get over it.

Likepebblesonthebeach · 21/06/2019 17:16

It would be very rude to bring a plate of vegetables to a home cooked meal. Of course don’t drink if you don’t want to. Being a non drinker is much more socially acceptable now. Bring your own non alcoholic drinks and don’t mention other guests consumption. As for the food .... just fill up before you go on your healthy food and ask for a smaller portion.
Have fun - it sounds like you have worked hard this year and deserve a good, fun night with your friends to celebrate

Calic0 · 21/06/2019 17:16

If I had invited a group of friends round for a celebratory dinner and someone turned up clutching a Tupperware box full of carrot sticks then I would accept it because they were my friend and I loved them enough to want them included in my birthday celebrations.

But to be honest, I’d be concerned about their behaviour. Rigid adherence to a diet to that extent can be the start of a slippery slope as I know from very personal experience. Losing weight and eating healthily is fantastic and well done you but if you can’t flex slightly to accommodate special occasions then I would question whether you will maintain this new lifestyle in the long term. And if you prioritise your diet over having a relaxed time with your friends (which doesn’t necessarily mean stuffing your face and swilling back booze, you could just practice a bit of sensible moderation) then they may end up pulling away from you anyway.

RandomMess · 21/06/2019 17:16

Skip the alcohol and have small portions, it's one meal.

teyem · 21/06/2019 17:17

I don't think you can, no. Not drinking, fine. Turning your nose up at the host's dinner in favour of a plate of veggies is really rude.

nimski · 21/06/2019 17:17

Fine to not drink if you don't want to but incredibly rude to take your own food. One meal won't put you off course, eat a little then say you are too full for dessert.

Expressedways · 21/06/2019 17:17

Absolutely fine not to drink, definitely don’t feel pressured into drinking if you don’t want to.
Unless you have allergies it would be rude to take your own food when your friend is cooking. Eat something before you go so you’re not starving, have a small portion of whatever she’s prepared and say it’s delicious. It’s one night and it won’t ruin your weight loss.
As for desert just say you’ve been cutting down your portion sizes recently so are full from the yummy main and either decline or have a very small portion.

FenellaMaxwell · 21/06/2019 17:18

Yes that would be very rude. You need to learn to be a bit flexible otherwise you are far more likely to pile it all back on by falling off the wagon.

Isleepinahedgefund · 21/06/2019 17:19

No one should pressure you to drink so yanbu on that front.

But taking your own dinner? Very rude! Just have a smaller plate of what is provided.

If you’re that worried about what you eat that you can’t trust yourself to eat moderately for one night, I’d be a bit worried you’re getting too obsessed with the dieting. At some point you have to start eating normally , you can’t be on your strict diet forever, treat this as an experiment to see how hard you’re going to have to work at that.

Gustavo1 · 21/06/2019 17:19

I agree with the PP that to take your own food would look so rude and could be misconstrued as you judging everyone else for what they are eating. By all means stay off the booze and take along a few healthier nibbles like crudités etc but just try a small amount of the meal.

KitKat1985 · 21/06/2019 17:20

I think not drinking is fine, but I think taking your own food would look a bit rude. Just go and have a sensible sized portion of the main, and politely decline dessert. One meal isn't going to ruin all of your efforts.

Dixiechickonhols · 21/06/2019 17:20

No you can’t take food unless you ask if you can bring anything and then could offer to take eg a fruit salad for dessert or veggie platter and dips. Eat small portion. Alcohol just politely decline you’ve stopped drinking 6 months ago for health reasons.

Cryalot2 · 21/06/2019 17:20

Well done on the weight loss .
Does your friend know about your diet,
Given the occasion and the fact you don't see much of each other it would seem a tad rude.
Could you discuss the food with her, even offer to bring a dish .
I have food intollerances so usually just check in advance.
See if sauces can be served seperate which would help.

moofolk · 21/06/2019 17:20

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if it's a short term / limited time diet plan then talk to your friend about it but take your own food.

Be prepared to laugh about it and have the Mickey taken out of you but make it part of the fun. If you drink / overindulge because it would seem rude not to you open yourself up to all sorts of situations where you 'might as well' just join in.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 21/06/2019 17:22

That’s very rude.

Are you going to carry vegetables everywhere for the rest of your life?

Frouby · 21/06/2019 17:22

Ask her what shes cooking. If it goes with salad take a huge portion of a nice green salad, tell her it's to be helpful and save her faffing. Then just have a large salad and a small portion of whatever she is serving.

And rather than refusing dessert take a healthier alternative like a fruit salad or some sw concoction, again make it look as though you are being helpful.

I regularly have friends over for food and we all tend to contribute.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 21/06/2019 17:23

It's possible that one or more of them may react weirdly when they see how much you've lost, op. My friends are lovely but, like many others, won't comment unnecessarily on a topic that leave them feeling a bit rubbish about themselves. I understand this, and am the same sometimes. However if I then turned up with a box of vegetables they wouldn't be able to stop themselves from ripping the piss (understandably).

What I'm labouring to say is that you might end up having a really shit evening where you come off as a puritanical judgy weirdo, despite not being one. You can offset this by eating the damn food!