To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

One meal is not going to ruin your diet, don’t be rude by taking your own.
You could take your own alcohol free drinks though & tell them that alcohol no longer agrees with you.
Eat small portions & enjoy your evening with friends.

If you were my friend, it wouldn't bother me if you told me in advance. I wouldn't ask an alcoholic to just drink for one night so I wouldn't knock you off your wagon either.
Well done, OP. Friends in real life are not nearly so offended as they are on here! X

It's good for your metabolism to occasionally up the calories. It can kickstart you out of starvation mode.
Be careful you don't become obsessive about dieting though

Taking salads 'for everyone to share' could come across as, 'Sorry, Karen, you can't be trusted to provide a healthy meal but luckily I've brought some butterhead lettuce for us all!'

Just don't.

As she’s asked about food you could offer to bring a dish (and bring your veg/salad to add to the meal). If she declines however then don’t bring anything.

PHONE HER. Surely these are good friends? Messages back 'I'm on a diet, will call you to discuss as don't want to be awkward nor fall off the wagon' so everyone knows and then give her a bell. Either she won't give a stuff if you bring your own or what she's doing will be easily adaptable or it will be a pain and cause issue in which case you eat the same as everyone else.

no- just go enjoy yourself and have a small portion of everything .

I agree that it would be rude to turn up with a plate of veggies but it's perfectly reasonable to not drink alcohol, take a bottle or two of your favourite alternative with you.

You will develop a food disorder if you think it's normal to go everywhere with a plate of veggies and it's good to test your self control now and again by choosing to eat a small portion of what is put on your plate and leaving the rest.

A small portion of a normal meal will not have a major impact on your weight, if any.

I haven't responded but could I say about my diet? Would that be rude?

Not at all, respond and say you are currently on a restrictive diet, it is going really well and you don’t want to ‘fall off the wagon’ so to speak so would it be okay if you brought something you would prefer to eat so that you could stay in control and not undo all your hard work?

No real friend would think that was rude, they would happily support you in your weight loss efforts. I will never understand the “go on, just once won’t hurt you” type people. If you (people in general, self included) could stop after just once then you/we/they wouldn’t have been overweight and needed to lose weight in the first place!
Congratulations on losing 3 stone.

I think it's fine not to drink, but I think you would be unreasonable to take your own food, it's just one night and one meal you won't suddenly regain 3 stones and it won't make any real difference to your weight loss. Have a night off and enjoy it, it's all part of a healthy lifestyle.

Well done on your weight loss so far too.

If you really feel one meal will trigger disaster, message your friend (since she did ask) with:

"I have been dieting actually, so could I have small portions and extra veg please! )

If I were host I wouldn't have a problem with that.

I've just lost 7 and half stone in 8 months and I know the worry of sabotage. But 1/2 days of eating off plan might put a few lbs of water and waste on but get back on it the next day and it'll be gone in a few days. It's not worth all this worry and you'll be able to enjoy the weekend with your friends. Just eat small portions and skip dessert.

I have two days off every month just before my period as I'm ravenous, and it hasn't harmed my loss because I'm straight back on it.

It's one night, quite acceptable to bring an alternative drink but with the food simply eat a small portion and crucially avoid nibbles and dessert as it is these that really bump up the calories. If you are concerned about the drinking make an excuse as why you need to drive home that night

What are u going to do going forward once all your weight is lost honestly -are you never going to eat out again or round friends houses?

Dont become obsessive over food

Don't go.

Pretend you're ill.

Fuck all these people saying "you can't do this forever"

Dieting is 100% in your head. If you're not ready to deal with food then do not.

Like as if an alcoholic would be expected to go wine tasting and go back to normal the next day! Or a drug addict just have 'one hot for social reasons!' WTF! No. Food is an addiction for many people and it can spiral and spiral and you'll be four stone heavier in eight weeks if you're not ready to deal with this.

Your life is not worth one meal with pushy people - especially if your friend if overweight and not dealing with her shit yet.

I repeat. Fake Illness. Save yourself.

Good luck!

I wouldn't say anything. If its a buffet no one will even notice what you are picking up and eating.

One meal will not sabotage your diet UNLESS you let it!

Keep it to that one meal, eat very low cal foods that day prior to meal, get straight back on track next day with another very low calorie day and you will be absolutely fine.

You cannot live life allowing a diet to prevent you from experiencing joyful events with loved ones in a relatively normal way.

What is she likely to serve? I'm sure if you tell us that we can help you avoid the most calorific elements, you can also stick to having a small portion and limiting calorific drinks while still being a participant.

It's not sustainable or realistic to have such a restrictive diet anyway. Nor is it healthy. We need all food groups to maintain a healthy body. I'm genuinely concerned you may be eating a far too restrictive diet and are possibly heading for an ED if you aren't there already.

Unlike other addictions food is necessary to life so we have to learn how to manage our consumption of it appropriately and sensibly.

Fuck all these people saying "you can't do this forever"

No, OP, listen to them. Saying you're going to carry vegetables everywhere with you forever more shows how much of a car crash your diet/weight is going to be if you don't sort out a sustainable way of eating.

whatthewhatthewhat I disagree completely, skipping social engagements and putting your life on hold because of a diet is not a healthy approach, it’s almost eating disorder territory.

Also it’s her friend’s 30th, it would be a shame to skip a milestone birthday.

As pp have said I suggest asking her in advance for a diet friendly plate, a small portion - extra salad/veg etc and don’t drink.

Go, don’t drink, and make up a reason why you are not hungry so only having a little bit (family thing earlier in the day so had a big lunch, that sort of thing)
Though surely they will probably notice you have lost 3 stone and won’t be surprised if you’re very restrained??

This is going to be a good lesson going forward in moderating your diet, especially portion control.

It would be rude to take your own food with you. It would also be very rude to make the whole evening about you and your weight loss - can you manage not to bore on about it or reprimand the others for what they eat, or evangelise how much better life is when you starve yourself to placate the stupid people who think a woman's worth can be measured by how little she eats?

Also, not drinking is fine but again you need to not go on and on about it or make negative comments about what other peopke are drinking.

So what you're talking about here is a 'willpower' issue. That you know you won't be able to resist stuffing yourself? I'm not criticizing, been there done that and have conquered it. I can sit at table and be reasonable in how much I eat. I can look at food and say 'no'. I have learnt to maintain a healthy weight and still not deprive myself. You can too.

You should be able to sit and eat small portions of calorie-laden foods. Eating is something we all have to do. It's not like an alcoholic who can completely cut out alcohol. We all still need food to survive. You really need to conquer the control that food has over you.

Yes, it would be rude to bring your own food unless you have an intolerance or an allergy. It would also be rude to ask for a 'low calorie' meal. I have Coeliac and don't expect someone to cater to my dietary needs. If they do, fine, but I don't expect it.

If you feel you must and are staying all night, pack a baggie of veggies and eat them before the meal so you don't go to the table hungry. Hopefully you'll feel full enough to moderate your portions.

Think of it this way. If the birthday girl is struggling with her weight, and you turning up with carrot sticks whilst she's tucking into her dinner, it's going to make her feel like shit.

Personally, I would eat before I went and have a small portion. Alternatively, just eat before you go and tell them you're on a diet. You don't have to drink at all.

Congratulations on your weight loss, but don't make her party all about you.

Ever heard of sarcasm? @Redtartanshoes