To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

I wouldn't mind if you did.

I like to eat what I've planned out according to my diet needs and get that others do too.

The only time I'd take my own food to something would be an extreme/rare allergy that I couldn't expect someone to cater for! You can surely just eat a small portion of whatever is on offer for one night? You don't have to drink the alcohol though

I dont know why I didn't just talk to her instead of coming on here!! Sent her a message explaining the situation and her reply...

"Hello my gorgeous friend! I dont care if you bring the whole f%$#ing vegetable aisle in sainsburys as long as you come :) I wish I had even half your willpower, you've lost soooooo much weight and are looking great. I have secretly purchased a few non-alcoholic beers for the night (you know what our nights out can be like!!) As me and (husbands name - dont want to give it away) are trying again but shhh ;) xxx"

Dont know what I was worried about!!! Thanks for all your replies!

It seems very restrictive not to be able yo eat anything but your diet food and have to take veggies everywhere. Forever. I would be concerned about getting too restrictive.

I would reply and say you are going to bring some soft drinks as you can't drink right now, does anyone else like X (drink of your choice). Take along wine for the host and some strawberries or raspberries. You can say they are for snacking or bellinis.

That’s good op! This is important to you, and your mate is being understanding. Hope it’s a great night.

Phone her

If a friend phoned me that they were on a diet and worried about flling off the wagon, we'd discuss what would suit:
low carb / low fat or whatever
As hostess, I'd want to make sure everyone had something they were happy to eat

I routinely have plenty of veg sides, salad, fruit alternative to pud, still & sparkling water - but not everyone does
So talk to her well in advance

But OP this is part of it, part of the retraining your mind and body around food. If you still feel that you can only keep in the 'right' frame of mind if you're not tempted... then it's not going to work.

You need to get to the place where having treats is ok, and the next day you go back to eating normally, you enjoy the treat... but that doesn't mean you immediately want to overeat and stuff yourself with sugar - the next day, you feel equally happy with a good diet and don't even really think about it. You ENJOY having a healthy moderate portion diet, it makes you feel good.

So yes go and enjoy and see it as part of your mental retraining.

oops, crosspost

Great result !

The OP may not yet zbe ready to plunge into treat food at a feast
Let her do it gradually

Guaranteed, you can eat a healthy meal from what is provided. You don't take you own.

Been there. Done that. (on several diets).

Being so restrictive just doesn't work.

If you can't allow the odd day off / treat / or just generally dealing with food situations you risk undoing all your hard work.

Enjoy your friend's meal and straight back to normal next day. Do not try to do the compensation starve, just continue healthy eating as normal and it will not make much difference to your long term goals

I did a vlcd a couple of years ago and lost a lot of weight. As part of it I had to negotiate a lot of social occasions and that "just one night" off plan often messed things up quite a lot. I told my friends what I was doing and they were all supportive. I had to turn up to dinner parties etc and sit munching on my bars but it was worth it in the long run and that's the way I would do it again.

If I were you I'd text/call your friend and say-

I'm currently following a (doctor ordered?) strict diet. I can eat XYZ foods but not ABC foods. I don't want you to go to any extra effort though so I can bring something along for myself? Sorry to be a pain!

Great result OP, your friend sounds lovely and I hope you enjoy the evening

Coss-post but that is a great response. Exactly what my mates would have said! So nice when people support their friends journeys.

It is important to retrain yourself around food eventually and find a new normal, however it's also important to learn to say no at events where you feel obliged to eat things you don't want. That was also a major learning point for me.

Not read every message but have read all
oPs post.

Glad the host is ok with it OP. It wouldn't have bothered me at all if I was a host. I just like any guests to be happy and have what they want. As long as you let the host know in good time (which you have) so that she or he wouldn't waste time preparing food that wouldn't be eaten
Then I think it's ok.

OP well done on your weight loss. That's brilliant progress. I'm sure if you HAD to you could eat a non diet meal but If you can avoid it and have a diet meal why wouldn't you.

All's well that ends well. I'm so glad your friend understands and is being so supportive. What a great friend.

Keep up the good work OP. Once you've lost the final stone you'll be able to add carbs in gradually until you work out what your level is to maintain weight. Good luck.

Good for you OP! I was going to say I agreed with the poster who said I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if it's a short term / limited time diet plan then talk to your friend about it but take your own food. until I saw your update.

What you put into your body is your business and nobody else's.

Your friend sounds wonderful and I'm sure you'll have a great time at the party without stuffing your face with calorie laden food.

Good luck with that final stone—with your dedication you will be there in no time.

You'll gain the weight back. I'm not saying this to insult you but it's just a fact. Many diets fail in the long run and generally super restrictive diets like this fail eventually.

If you have a serious deadline (IVF/medical) you have to hit that's one thing but anything that can't fit into your life long term won't work.

Most of us are saying this from personal experience, not to insult you.

You'll gain the weight back. I'm not saying this to insult you but it's just a fact. Many diets fail in the long run and generally super restrictive diets like this fail eventually.

Absolute nonsense. You should start to reintroduce carbs desserts etc AFTER you've reached your target weight. If you start overindulging while you're still dieting then the diet is prolonged indefinitely—there's always an excuse to cheat.

Which probably explains your own failure.

Your friend is really lovely😊
I don't think I'd take food with me, can you not just eat the things you want from what's on offer?
Alcohol is easy to avoid. I don't drink when I go out socially and no-one cares. (I drink with family and friends at home but not when I'm not entirely comfortable with my surroundings.)

Lovely update OP.

Happened to me last week - a dinner organised by a friend organised before I started to do low carb. I had a couple of glasses of wine and made sure I ate all the healthy bits. It was a bit hard on Sunday getting back to it, but it was worth it for a lovely evening with lovely friends.

My opinion- if weight loss and healthier eating is going to be long term, it has to take into account your social life.

Oh brilliant op, what a nice friend

I would bring my own food. For some people (like me) eating high calorie food is a trigger for a binge, of course 1 night won't make lasting damage but I'll have binge urges the rest of the night and next day and for me it's not worth it. They are your friends, I wouldn't be offended if I was serving dinner for folk and they brought their own. It's a party to enjoy each other's company not a come dine with me rating

She is a brilliant friend and you will be an inspiration to her, I hope! XX (From someone else on a diet for health reasons and struggling!!)