To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

If I was the host I'd want my friend to be honest with me and to eat whatever they want, that's the point of hosting! However, I can see why it would feel a bit awkward :(

I think the suggestion of offering to bring a side dish/salad is really good. If you can bring that, you could have a small portion of whatever she's cooking, and fill the rest of your plate with salad/vegetables and eat that.

Definitely don't drink - don't think that should be an issue.

If you did the above it would simply be like half a meal.

Your diet is not a dietary requirement. I wouldn't mention

It's not the same as an allergy or being vegan exactly, sure, but it really wouldn't hurt to say low fat/light option please.

DON'T take a salad, ffs. That's no different from taking vegetables and a hair shirt to eat them in. Not only will it look like you're making some kind of point about the hostess's own diet (even if you're not intended to) it'll put everyone else off their grub.

It's wonderful that you've lost so much weight - well done! The real challenge, as others have said, is retraining yourself to eat a new normal once you're off the diet. Treat this as a useful learning experience, have small portions, no drinks and enjoy yourself.

You could say you're vegetarian, and you're happy to bring a vegetarian contribution to save her the hassle.

I would say not to go at all.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to help yourself making it clear how awful you”d feel if any calories passed your lips.

Are you going to carry vegetables everywhere for the rest of your life? I am actually

You probably need to re-asses your relationship with food. Such a strict intake to the point that even on those occasions when people would normally have something special e.g birthday meal or Christmas dinner you would bring along a plate of veggies, isn’t reasonable or healthy.

Eat the meal, go light on the carbs have soft drinks. Sorted.

Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts

Yes. Just don't eat much. It would be impolite to bring your own food unless you have allergies and your friend isn't able to cater for you.

OP I've totally been there, lost 5 stone. But you can't take your own food. For starters you can't live like that forever, a rare overindulgence won't do anything. You can say you're too full for dessert.

Not drinking is fine though.

Do you think you may be taking your diet regimen a little bit to the extreme OP?

You can’t avoid eating out or at friends forever. It would be extremely rude to take your own food to a dinner party. Just eat sensibly, avoid alcohol if you wish and go back to your diet the following day.

Are you going to carry vegetables everywhere for the rest of your life? I am actually

Say what now?

Are you serious? One night is not going to suddenly make you gain 3 stone again. Relax, enjoy the night and get back on the wagon the next day.

You are going to put all of the weight back on and more if you can not moderate your diet. What you are doing is not sustainable. And yes, you'd be really rude too

I'm conscious of my weight so nights where I know I'm going to indulge I make sure to eat lightly beforehand - smoothies, salads etc. You need to learn how to manage these social events, no need to be so ott.

Just ask for tiny portions and no alcohol as you are on some super strict diet and apologise for being a little bit pain in the arse. She should be fine. If you're fussy during the dinner then it will be rude and we may read her post about your behaviour here on MN

Either eat what’s given or don’t go but rude to take your own.

Life goes on. One night eating differently don’t mean you are 3 stone heavier. Just get back to your way of eating the next day.

Life goes on. You’ll be off plan at some stage. You’ve just got to learn to get back on as soon as you can after.

This is how life after dieting works. Look on it as practise! You have to plan your calorie intake across a week. If you know you have a calorie-rich event then eat fewer calories before and after and up your activity levels.

I would message her privately and say that you’ve been following a low fat/ low carb way of eating on your doctor’s advice and don’t want to put her to any trouble so is there anything you could bring to make it easy for her? I’d also add that you don’t want to make a big production of it all and would like to keep it low key.

Hopefully she’ll say yes, bring whatever you fancy. If she really doesn’t get it, fill up on veg beforehand and eat very small portions.

It’s very easy to get knocked off piste, I get where you are coming from but it will be fine, especially if you aren’t drinking.

It would be incredibly rude! You can manage one meal that isn’t a plate of veggies.

She’s asked about dietary requirements so why not say you’re on a low carb diet, you don’t want to be a bother and you’re happy to bring a big salad to share. Your friend wants to know so she can make food people want to eat, it’s better than you avoiding the food.

Yanbu to avoid alcohol. Yabu if you take your own meal. It's incredibly rude.

Sorry but unless there’s some exceptional circumstance that you’ve not already mentioned eg you’ve been refused surgery or IVF until you reach a certain weight then YABU.

It’s hard enough cooking a meal for 6 and taking into account genuine allergies let alone having to make modifications just because someone is on a diet, so please don’t inconvenience the host.

Just go and enjoy yourself, eating smaller portions of the food if needs be.

It's fine to avoid alcohol.

It's like people bringing their own mayonnaise to the dinner parties.

Don’t make your issue an issue for your friends.

I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I

Your focus should be on dealing with this. Learning not to be all or nothing but being able to say - not thanks to ice cream with pudding, and not touching the crisps and dips etc and just having one glass.

Why don't you ask What's on the menu say you'll bring a side dish, take salad and wine. You don't have to drink the wine but it'll make your salad look better.
You can then eat lots of salad, you will know whats on the menu so you can pre plan it into your day.
Just do a big work out before you go.