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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

242 replies

HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 17:10

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

OP posts:
OralBElectricToothbrush · 21/06/2019 18:36

Don't go. You'll spoil her party with your warped attitude towards food. No, don't tell her about your diet or impose your diet on the event. There's nothing worse at a dinner party than a food bore. Tbh, being on such a strict diet doesn't bode well for long-term weight maintenance. But at any rate, just back out of the party now and tell her it's because you want to focus on your diet.

Zbag · 21/06/2019 18:36

Yabu. It would be rude.

Morgan12 · 21/06/2019 18:38

Another vote for eat what's there or don't go at all.

Hopeygoflightly · 21/06/2019 18:40

Rude and weird. How much weight can you put on during one meal?? Eat a small portion, eat lots of the veg and salad ( I know you said friend was a fatty but i’m Sure she doesn’t eat chips dipped in lard for every meal) and either don’t drink or drink in moderation or go down the vodka/soda/lime route or wine spritzer.

AyBeeCee10 · 21/06/2019 18:40

You would come across as a big idiot sorry. You will also make everyone else feel so uncomfortable especially your friend that you think is overweight. Rather not go, than sit there like a rude holier than thou numpty.

Original poster
HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 18:40

@Usuallyinthemiddle

Yeah I think that's why I thought itd be okay because I wouldn't be annoyed if someone did it at my dinner party!

Although consensus here says it's very rude!

OP posts:
TheRedBarrows · 21/06/2019 18:41

Huge well done OP on your weight loss so far.

You might not actually want to eat massive quantities of high calorie stuff after your healthy eating regime. Just view it as stuff you can take it leave and know you can leave it: you have done so for 6 months.

Just take some really nice sparkling water or whatever low calorie drinks you enjoy, concentrate on the conversation and having fun with your friends and make sure you fill up on any salads / veg offers before touching anything else.

If it would help, take celery and carrot crudités in your bag to snack on in your room so that you are not facing her deep fried mozzarella in breadcrumb sticks on an empty stomach!

You can do this, your success so far is proof. And if you do eat things you wouldn’t normally this weekend, well, that doesn’t negate what you have achieved or make it pointless to resume your healthy eating.

What goes in the weekend stays in the weekend.

Original poster
HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 18:43

@Peterpiperpickedwrong

My thoughts exactly!! I was starting to get worried that NO ONE thought the same as me. I think it's more 90% of people will be offended so I'm not gona take the risk! Thanks!

OP posts:
Usuallyinthemiddle · 21/06/2019 18:44

Yep, I invite my friends to see them and have fun. I love cooking too but I want them to be comfy. Come to mine. Bring your veg!!

SpaceCadet4000 · 21/06/2019 18:44

As a host, I would have no problem if you spoke to me beforehand about this. I probably wouldn't plan the entire meal according to your needs, but I'd make sure there were sides that worked for you and that you weren't pressurised to take big portions/pudding or anything.

LetsSplashMummy · 21/06/2019 18:45

I think if you are going to do anything you need to add a few "white lies" to not come across as if the way you eat is superior when someone has gone to the effort to cook for you/host.

You could pm her and say you've had a bit of a health scare and the doctor has you on a strict diet to see if there are any food issues. You don't want to be a pain, but you can just have a side/the veg etc. or bring something. Don't want to make a fuss, and don't want host to feel embarrassed if I refuse anything....

BummyKnocker · 21/06/2019 18:46

It is dinner but it is also a party, please don't make it all about you and your diet, how dull for everybody else.

honeygirlz · 21/06/2019 18:48

Could you say you’re on a salad diet and you’ll want lettuce, cukes, toms etc but that you’re haiku to bring them yourself?

By the way, is there a link to your diet?

teyem · 21/06/2019 18:50

please don't make it all about you and your diet, how dull for everybody else

These words should be announced at the beginning of every get together with a megaphone.

TitaChocolate · 21/06/2019 18:52

I had a mate turn up at my 30th (a long time ago now) with her own tub of salad vegetables as she was on a diet. She had an argument with another friend who for some weird reason became v. pushy about getting her to have some dressing on it. It all went a bit weird between the two of them! I didn't think badly of salad-friend though, although was more worried she was getting a bit extreme with her diet.

OP, I'd try not to build up this event too much in you mind and just enjoy it. It's a 30th, with what sounds like a bunch of drinkers. They'll all be pished within about half an hour and not paying attention to whatever you're eating/drinking.

Original poster
HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 18:53

I am not a food bore or no alcohol bore. I honestly never talk about it because 6 months on I am bored hearing diet talk! All I want to do is keep my head down and get this last stone off and it's my prerogative so I dont want to put anyone out - that's why I suggested my own food.

My friend had obvious problems with her weight but I cant support her in that area as it's difficult for me too. Would be the blind leading the blind! I did spend 3 hours on the phone with her last month over an issue she wanted to talk through about her childs nursery. I try to be supportive in every way I can but I have nothing to give I'm terms of weightloss support as I'm working through my own stuff. I think shes happy with her weight but I also dont think I should put myself out to placate her about her weight at the risk of my own self because I had such a terrible time with food. Finally getting my life back on track and I would hope that most good friends would be happy for me. I dont know :(

Theyve liked a few Facebook pics I've been tagged in so will see the weightloss.

OP posts:
user1471449295 · 21/06/2019 18:54

You won’t explode because of one night. I’d find it highly rude and a little obsessive

seven201 · 21/06/2019 18:55

I think seeing as she'll be buying food to cook for 6 you should send her a private message saying you'll only eat a tiny potion and won't have pudding because of a strict diet and you're worried about falling off the wagon etc. Emphasise you're not expecting to cater for your diet but that you want to warn her so she doesn't buy too much food.

Original poster
HappyRambler · 21/06/2019 18:55

Usuallyinthemiddle you sound like a wonderful fun host!! :)

OP posts:
Idontwanttotalk · 21/06/2019 18:56

I think it would be incredibly rude to take a plate of veg. I think it would actually be preferable to let her know that you don't want to sabotage your diet and would love to attend for the company but due to your diet you don't want to eat.

I have a friend who joins a group of us for meals out but doesn't eat with us. We're happy she just wants to share our company. We wouldn't dream of sabotaging her diet and if any of your friends expect you to eat and drink anything you don't want to then they are not your friends.

PPs who say it's only one meal aren't being helpful. Stick to your diet if you really want to but please don't offend your friend by taking along your own plate of veg.

mamaofboyzz · 21/06/2019 18:57

I think I'm probably one of the only ones who would say this but surely your friend would be happy for you for your progress! It's so so easy to get off track and then one cheat day turns into ten. Absolutely take your food I'm sure she will be just happy you have come and joined in. I would be proud of you if u was my friend!

thesunisoutatlast · 21/06/2019 19:00

@HappyRambler what is on your plate of veggies ? Can you not just say your vegetarian now? I mean you must eat something other than veg? Or are you following a vegan or paleo diet ?

I'm not overweight and I am going to have a burger and chips tonight, because I'm sensible all week. It's normal and not an excuse to binge to have a "cheat meal."

I've been there on the I won't eat my own birthday cake, and that's an obsession / eating disorder not a healthy diet. It's as bad as being overweight.

redcarbluecar · 21/06/2019 19:01

Well if you think your friend is happy with her weight, she probably doesn’t need to be placated and you can offer support only if and when asked.
If she’s a good friend (sounds like she is, if you spent 3 hours on the phone to her), perhaps you can have a chat to her about the meal and your diet - find out what she’s planning to serve up so you can see if there’s any real reason to be concerned. Obvs don’t just show up with salad on the assumption that there won’t be any.
Whatever you do, don’t pass comment on what anyone else is eating or drinking. I think you’ve said you don’t do this though.

IvanaPee · 21/06/2019 19:01

If you can’t have one meal that’s maybe a little unhealthy then you’re losing weight wrong.

You’re going to pile it back on.

Yes, it would be rude and weird. Don’t be one of those weight loss bores. It’s so fucking tedious.

reluctantbrit · 21/06/2019 19:02

I was in a diet several years ago and my work had a do at a Bavarian Beerhiuse, I think I ate my body weight in meat and the only non-alcoholic was either water or horrible juice so I drunk as well.

The next day I just resumed the diet, was very careful for the next couple of days and still survived.

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