To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

I haven’t read the whole thread - but the problem might be that if you have 1 night off, you feel that you’ve blown it and lose the momentum. I would call in advance and say that you’re so excited to see everyone and really looking forward to it but you’re on a mega-strict diet and are coming for the company not the food.
She should understand, I would.

*Strugglingtodomybest

Proseccoinamug

If you were my friend I’d rather you didn’t come, and even asking would spoil my party

Well, lucky that Op’s Friend is less selfish and more considerate than you then.

Well done on your weight loss Op - and in having genuine friends who value your company.

Congratulations OP. Don’t worry about 1 night it really won’t make that much difference. Just plan to eat really well few days before and add in extra exercise. I suggest that you been ill on antibiotics so can’t drink so so sad as you all staying over too kinda thing so you don’t get the pressure of just one won’t hurt. Smaller portions of whatever on offer. Enjoy yourself. The few days after eat well and exercise a bit more even just a walk of 30 mins will work. In fact put on the music and have a boogie on your birthday it all helps. Do feel for you as I’ve always been slim and fit and my much larger friends always would try and make me eat loads more than them to fatten me up. A lot was jealously took me years too see. But I worked hard at the gym and actually like healthy food. I’d not mention yiur diet at all. Yiu be surprised whose secretly jealous of you and wants to sabotage your hard work, you can’t live this strictly forever you have to develop a new lifestyle and that includes coping with the potential blow out. Also if you not responded as it’s your birthday I’d say mmmm steak or salmon or prawns are my fav can we have this? I’ll bring if want. Sorry if you vegan. Suggest the main bit of meal so it’s healthier.

Glad your friend was understanding, I would definitely have been too. I have been to people’s house for lunch and just brought a protein shake before because I wanted to see them but not break my diet. It is the company that counts. And well done for your 3 stone weight loss! That is amazing! X

Have the courage and confidence to be yourself. Explain that you’d like to bring a big vegan salad for everyone to enjoy. Turn up in the day with that, a bottle of something non alcoholic, a big smile and a loving, listening mindset and all will be well. You may even set a new trend. It’s all about how you approach things. Enjoy!

Congratulations on your weight loss.

Isn't this a nice opportunity to have a cheat night?

Focus on portion control and stand firm in not wanting seconds. Please don't bring your own food though!

You could also remind friend about your diet and tell her to not get offended if you eat a bit less than usual as you're on track with your goal. But, one night amongst all your hard work is hardly gonna matter!

Enjoy!

If you've been on a diet you won't be able to eat the masses of food on offer as you'll quickly get full. Let them know you don't drink anymore so they can buy something for you. As other posters have said, just eat smaller portions and no dessert. Also remember that the occasional night of unhealthy food won't ever have a huge impact on a generally healthy diet.

Not drinking is absolutely fine but you'd be rude to refuse her food. It's one night.

Could you say you’re on a salad diet and you’ll want lettuce, cukes, toms etc

This would get you uninvited to any party of mine in two counts.

Three actually.
Salad diet.
Provide salad.
Use of "cukes"

That's very rude. I would say either small portions or just don't go at all.

Well done on the weight loss btw.

I've been there, it is hard.

As to the pp who said most diets fail and you'll gain the weight back, that's opinion, not fact. There's this thing called willpower and that's the kind of thing said by people who never stick to diets because they haven't got it.

I'd talk to my friend and mention the diet, along the lines of 'I can't wait to see you all but I'm currently on quite a strict diet, I don't want to put you out so am happy to bring along n extra salad dish/something I can eat? Of course happy to share'

Then just make a big amount of your salad/veg so there's some to share for others to have as a side dish.

That way you're not being demanding, or sitting there with your own, separate dinner, which could look rude.

I think it would be far ruder to try and influence her cooking choices... this way is more thoughtful imho

Then BYOC (bring your own 'cukes')

You sound like a HOOT!

It's one night. You don't have to stuff your face.

Friend sounds great, hope everyone has a great night.

Bring your own cukes is my phrase of the summer.

Turning up with no prior warning brandishing your veg plate would have been rude.

However I found my friends embraced a restrictive diet I was on, trying new things out and having a mix of things I could eat and couldn’t so I was fed (e.g I was off dairy/sugar/wheat - friend cooked a dish without the above in as a main -simple and I didnt have the side which was dairy heavy). One friend even invited me to an afternoon tea with dairy free/sugar/wheat free cupcakes. They were delicious and everyone wanted the recipe! Good hosts are accommodating without batting an eyelid 😁

Aw, that's perfect OP. I think the timing of your call was perfect though, since she'd just asked about dietary requirements. So maybe posting here first wasn't such a bad idea.

You both sound lovely! Best of luck with that last stone.

I relate so much to the op. I’ve suffered from AN for more years than I care to remember and for so many of those avoided any social event that may involve food (which is a hell of a lot of things).
But I learnt who my real friends are are. They want my company and want me to feel at ease. I always try to speak to them in advance and explain my worries. Most will make elements that I am comfortable with and none have ever batted an eyelid if I took something like a salad to share as a side dish.
To be honest I think a lot of pp’s On here sound like really judgemental, antagonists, I’m glad they’re not my friends.

Okay to take something you can drink being able to say you weren't sure if she would have the type you like but taking your own food is not on. Just eat a smaller portion.

It wouldn't bother me if a friend turned up with their own dinner but I'd be very concerned that you are so rigid and can't kick back and just enjoy yourself

It is not acceptable to bring a plate of vegetables.

Just eat a small amount, and as for alcohol, it's easy enough to not drink it, and it's fine of you don't even like it.

Maybe I'm one of few people who have actually had a old friend turn up with a tupperware box of shredded vegetables, which I just accepted, as she had warned me about her diet. To have made an issue of it would have been poor manners.

Anyway she died in her 40s, so the vegetables didn't do her much good.

I'm going to go against the majority here and say talk to your hostess , explain that you are on a diet and have been for some time and that whilst you don't want to miss attending you are worried about breaking your diet ( and anyone who has ever been on a strict one knows for some folk it's a slippery slope if you do break it ) be honest and come clean say you want to attend but bring your own 'diet food' as you've done well so far but still have a way to go .
I'm sure she won't mind , I certainly wouldn't mind and would be understanding in this circumstance.

If you want to make sure you have a decent amount of will power to resist food you might otherwise find too tempting (whether that’s cheese, crisps, pudding etc) make sure you’re not absolutely starving when you arrive. Have a little healthy snack shortly before you go so your blood sugar isn’t too low or it might be harder not to binge . But if you do, it’s ok. Tomorrow is another day

I would eat before I went and only eat a small portion of dinner and no dessert. Be careful because if you haven't eaten treats for a while you will end up spending the evening on the toilet.