To bring my own meal to and not drink at 30th bday dinner...

[HappyRambler]

The dinner was organised 6 months ago for a friends 30th, it's a group of 6 of us from school and the birthday girl is cooking (she lives quite far away and we dont see each other often as all of us have kids etc).

In those last 6 months I've lost 3 stone and have 1 more to lose. I've been on a strict diet and avoided alcohol, takeaways etc. Would it be awful if I brought my usual plate of veggies and didnt drink alcohol (shes invited us all to stay overnight so no worry about lifts). My friend is quite overweight and doesn't eat the healthiest so I just know it will be a big calorie laden dinner followed by desert and washed down by A LOT of alcohol (something I dont miss and might never start drinking again) that could set me back and throw me off course. I'm an all or nothing kind of person! I dont want to be rude but I dont want to sabotage my diet either!

She did ask yesterday on the group chat if anyone had any diet requests, we have 1 person recently found out about an allergy.

I haven't responded but could I say about my diet? Would that be rude?

I've been there, OP.

I lost 6 stone and kept it off the last 8 years - I promise, one night will not matter. You need to enjoy yourself and let go now and then.

I started being 'that person' and I actually had to re-gain a stone after I took it too far. Stay the right side of healthy and don't obsess over one evening; please eat, enjoy, and get right back to your new normal the next day.

And well done :)

I think you will surprise yourself. You can eat until you’re full, and stay off the alcohol. Yes it will be more than you eat on a diet, but if you can’t have one night off and get back on track you have much bigger issues that you need to face?? I say this on the basis that once you hit your goal weight you are planning on a more inclusive diet ie not just veggies etc? It might be good to see how far you have come in your attitude to food op. Good friends are hard to find!

@Whatthefoxgoingon

I am actually!

Would be so rude to take salad/fruit salad! The host has not asked people to bring food.

It’s not a short term diet, OP has lost stones - congratulations on that!

Oh I really wouldn’t. I’d be seriously perturbed if I were your friend, and the other guests could see it as partial gloating

If she's already asked, can't you respond and say "I won't be drinking, so I'll bring along some AF that others can share too. I've been trying to eat a bit more healthily recently, is it ok if I bring along a big salad and a fruit bowl to go with what you are making?"

It won't hurt to have a bit of whatever she's preparing, especially if you fill up your plate with salad. If you take things along it's not like then you are asking her to provide special things for you.

It's not feasible to eat the way you are forever, you need to find a balance where you eat well but eat treats sometimes.

I would have a night off and just have a portion you are comfortable with.

@Illberidingshotgun speaks a lot of sense! You'll look helpful and have a nice big bowl of salad to tuck into. :)

OP - if you do it, you won’t have to worry about future meal engagements... you won’t be invited again.

Congratulations on your weight loss
But one nights dinner however heavy on calories is not going to spoil your diet
I have been on a healthy eating plan but you still have to live normally and enjoy the odd blowout
Watch what you eat before and after and it will make no difference what so ever

Do what @Illberidingshotgun if you really feel you need to stick to the diet but whilst it's great you've lost so much weight I think it's a bit extreme to say that one meal is going to wreck all that. And by saying you friend is overweight is a little unkind. Turning up with a Tupperware of veggies is a bit like trying to make a subtle point.

I’d go against the grain here and I would.

We shouldn’t feel social pressure to eat any more than to drink.

You would definitely be rude to bring your own dinner. I think it would also be difficult to respond to the group chat about allergies by saying about your diet. Saying "I cant eat eggs" might mean a minor change to the menu. Saying "I dont eat this huge list of non-diet items" would mean she would probably need to cook something completely separate.

Its one night, just have a bit of self control and dont eat everything that's put in front of you.

I don’t think you need to take special food, just trust yourself to eat reasonable portions and not go mad. You don’t have to drink.

One night isn’t going to make a difference and it will be good practice for when your diet is over and you’re maintaining your new weight.

It would be very rude to bring your own food, and rude to request a special meal. I suppose you could make up a bowel issue that means you can't eat fatty food if you really can't exercise a bit of self control for one evening and eat a small portion, but it seems a bit OTT.

Can you not just estimate the extra calories consumed and make up for it before or after the meal?

I’d do as others have suggested and offer to take a huge salad bowl or whatever and whatever soft drinks you want. Enough to share obvz then you can just have a small amount of actual food and lots of leaves with it.

Or you could just eat the food your friend is preparing and carry on with your diet the next day. Which is more normal tbh.

No, don't be that guy. Just take a small portion of appropriate things, take the pud but have a spoonful, drink water. She prob won't even notice but so what if she does, but you'll look like an idiot if you take your own food.

When I say take I mean have!

Reply to the group chat
"My only diet requirements are low calorie as I'm on a low calorie diet at the moment thank you so much for asking xx"

I haven't responded but could I say about my diet? Would that be rude?

Well, what would you say?

Your diet is not a dietary requirement. I wouldn't mention.

I've been trying to eat a bit more healthily recently, is it ok if I bring along a big salad and a fruit bowl to go with what you are making?

OMG don't say that!!

You'd be implying you think she's a fatty whose cooking will be too unhealthy for your temple-like body. Very offensive!

You really can't bring your own food especially seeing as she has actually asked if you have requirements.

You sound like a total mentalist following your comment about taking veg everywhere for ever.

Like a pp said, you won’t need to worry about invites for much longer... people will get sick of you perching on about your weight loss, and your rudeness.