Are they expecting lunch?

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on. They always say they will arrive at 12 o clock. Are they expecting lunch?

Yes.

Why does anyone need to be "helpful" for a 3 hour visit?

Yes, you should give them lunch.

yes of course

Of course. If that doesn't work for you then specify that it is better if they come after lunch. What help do you expect them to give? Do you ask them for help or wait for it? Are they generally people who pile into a situation without asking or are they more likely to wait to be asked?

Yes. They're coming at lunchtime to see their GC not 'help out'

Yes, how old are DC? Do they interact with them?

Yes. Surely you must eat lunch between 12 and 3 anyway? So why not just give them some? Anything else is shitty hospitality, why wouldn’t you welcome them and give them lunch?

Yes, they'll need a meal of sorts. A plate of sandwiches, plus crisps, fruit etc would be fine, and can be prepared before their arrival.

You say they are not helpful - what sort of help would you like? Have you asked them, as they might not realise?

Why don’t you try inviting them at a time that is convenient?

You need to back off emotionally and practically from this.

It’s your husbands dad and step mum. Does he set about making lunch and worrying about catering when YOUR dad visits?

So many women take on so much wife work 🤨

They must be very keen to maintain a relationship with their GC to visit when you'e making it so plain you don't want them there.

I'd give them lunch, its not a big deal

Yes of course but if the time's not convenient suggest something else.

They don't need to be helpful when they visit their son and his family. It's good that they want to come and they should be made welcome, unless there a very ridiculous back story.

I can't imagine anyone being in my house over a meal time and not offering them food.

Why don't you invite them?

It is odd to invite yourself over lunchtime. I might ask if I could "pop in" uninvited but I'd avoid mealtimes.

Isn't just the fact that they want a relationship with the children helpful? Take the long view. They like the children, the children will like them. At some point this alone spreads the load. And yes give them lunch. Unless there's a lot you're not telling us?

Of course!

What were you planning on doing, OP, filling your faces while they just sat there, or sitting with your stomachs rumbling until they left, to get out of offering them some food?

Either be a proper host or don't have them come over.

Given that they are there at lunchtime, yes.

You sound very inhospitable!

Yes. Just make some sandwiches.

I would prefer they didn't come at lunch time, but they pick the time. They never ask when is convenient for us. Would it be better if I told them lunchtime isn't convenient?

Eh? What exactly do you want them to be helpful with during this three hour visit? Hoover your living room?

And yes it's lunch time. So you provide lunch.

This can't be a serious question.

Well, to be fair, they did invite themselves, at a meal time, we don't know how young the kids are, nor what their expectations are for lunch - for all we know, they might expect a full roast, rather than sandwiches. . .

If it's not convenient, tell them. Why are you letting them dictate?

I think they want to see their grandchildren and are reduced to asking as you are not friendly enough to invite them. Why is your life so hard and what help do you require? Is your hospitality to be earned and what does this say about you as a person? I think you need to look at your character a bit. This is not really about you, it's about their grandchildren.