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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are they expecting lunch?

369 replies

PedroThePonyCowboy · 20/06/2019 14:55

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on. They always say they will arrive at 12 o clock. Are they expecting lunch?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/06/2019 16:28

So much drama over 3 hours a month.

mbosnz · 20/06/2019 16:29

Leave DH to deal with his parents. It's his parents, he can ensure that the relationship between them and his child are facilitated. They need to come on a day he'll be there, and he can be lead host and hospitallier.

The rich irony is that MIL hates visitors, and refuses to have them. She's got a DIL that doesn't like visitors. DIL doesn't actually have to have them any more than MIL does. (Who is not actually MIL or GM - FIL is).

NaturalBornWoman · 20/06/2019 16:29

It seems awfully inhospitable to be concerned about giving your husband's father and his wife lunch. Also very odd that the two of you can't manage to look after one child and serve a simple lunch at the same time. How do you manage to function in life generally?

Rachelle11 · 20/06/2019 16:29

Why wouldn't you just tell them to come after lunch?

Do you normally have guests round?

notacooldad · 20/06/2019 16:30

Justathinslice

Dear me, they are your child's grandparents. Give them lunch, be welcoming
Dont be silly justathinslice, this is MN where the in laws are treated as the enemy and not family members and people cant talk to each other to convey the simplest need.
So much angst!!

HUZZAH212 · 20/06/2019 16:31

I originally assumed this was like 3 days a week.... 3hrs a month. Send the adults to the park with DS once they get there and open a can of soup with cheese sandwiches for their return.

Bluerussian · 20/06/2019 16:31

It sounds like stepMIL is the problem, not FIL, because she doesn't invite people to her house. Still no reason for op not to be hospitable, be the 'bigger person', occasionally.

All seems like a storm in a teacup to me. Do some soup and sandwiches or a cold buffet, a nice pudding and coffee, then sit and relax. You have a husband who can do his share of food prep and/or looking after your little one. It will soon pass.

livefornaps · 20/06/2019 16:31

This reply has been deleted

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notacooldad · 20/06/2019 16:33

They want to come over once a month!
All this for once a bloody month.
Is this a joke post ffs!
I thought you was going to say every Monday Wednesday and Friday!!

Durgasarrow · 20/06/2019 16:33

If they want to "help," maybe you can ask them to pick something up for lunch.

Singlenotsingle · 20/06/2019 16:33

A loaf of sliced bread, buttered with ham, cheese, tomatoes. Maybe a bit of cake or fruit and a cuppa tea. Job done. Easier than driving 50 miles to visit them! Tbh it sounds as though step MiL has a problem integrating with FIL's side of the family. Folks is strange!

Singlenotsingle · 20/06/2019 16:36

If they never wanted to visit and see their dgc, that would be a problem in itself and OP would be complaining about that!

Kel801 · 20/06/2019 16:37

I’m wondering how you cope on a day to day basis if you can’t make lunch with two other adults in the house. What on earth is little one getting up to?

Nanamilly · 20/06/2019 16:38

Is this a joke post ffs!

Hopefully.

Ragwort · 20/06/2019 16:40

Only on Mumsnet is there such a drama about providing a lunch Hmm.

Gatehouse77 · 20/06/2019 16:43

If you feel they don't take safety seriously only offer them cold drinks and cold food - a sandwich and some crisps is enough.
If step MIL leaves sups on the floor, tell her you're leaving it in the kitchen for her so it's out of reach of your little one.

Gatehouse77 · 20/06/2019 16:43

cups!

Chune · 20/06/2019 16:43

Have you or your husband ever actually said no?

Bluerussian · 20/06/2019 16:45

In fairness, we do not know the op personally. It's a fact that there are people who have great anxiety over entertaining and would be prepared never to entertain in order to avoid anxiety! It doesn't always last forever but while it does last, it must be horrendous.

What I hope is, on the day, all goes well and afterwards she feels as though she has achieved something worthwhile.

HUZZAH212 · 20/06/2019 16:49

OP might have anxiety about entertaining and having people over. However it appears her step MIL also does and OP's quite happy to slate her for it.

Hippychick78 · 20/06/2019 16:50

Simple possible replies...
---Please make it two instead as that suits us much better/we have plans earlier that day
---Great ill "roast a chicken etc *, can you please pick up some nice bread and salad leaves?
---We're busy Monday, but Tuesday at x0clock would fit in with our plans. Does that suit you?
Is very hard to be assertive sometimes if it doesn't come naturally but the other option is they continue to take advantage of your accepting/go ahead and walk all over me attitude. I get it though, it didn't come naturally to me either but when I've stuck up for myself recently in small ways, it's really been worth it. Bite the bullet! After all, no is a complete sentence 😂

ThanosSavedMe · 20/06/2019 16:50

Stop running around after them. When they tell you they are coming, if it’s not convenient, tell them. What does your dh say?

Drogosnextwife · 20/06/2019 16:52

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on

Well for a start that's quite rude of you to never invite them and they have to ask to come see their dgc.
What is it you want them to do while they are there, hoover, washing, perhaps do a bit of gardening?

CollyWobbleNightmares · 20/06/2019 16:52

My PIL always bring lunch as they know we’re busy (and probably worry about what we’d feed them! 😂). Could you not just ask that they bring a dish or something?

DarlingNikita · 20/06/2019 16:54

OHs parents come to see ( lets face it mostly him and the kids)- your job is to smile, have a G&T and eat the lunch that OH has prepared for his family.

Seems fairly easy.

Agree with this. Why are so many people trying to shame the OP about not providing for her husband's family? All this 'buy in some sandwiches', 'just make something easy' is completely missing the point.