Are they expecting lunch?

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on. They always say they will arrive at 12 o clock. Are they expecting lunch?

Just make or buy some sandwiches. Job done,

If lunch bothers you ask them to pick up some sandwiches or fish and chips for lunch. Or have a meal ready in the freezer for their monthly visit. That solves that.
Sit at the dining table with hot drinks. Just say that's what you're doing for your DC safety at the moment.
3 hours once a month isn't excessive.
I'm mighty glad you're not my DIL though. You just sound awful.

@honeygirlz well not necassarily, they can get cheap versions of that same stuff OR cook a proper meal for their blood relatives (and themselves, I presume OP and DC will eat lunch anyway) if they prefer 🤷

What I was trying to say was you can make a lunch visit the absolute easiest way round all these barriers the OP is putting up. Nothing that anyone has suggested has been accepted by the OP so she obviously just wanted a thread fill of people telling her that her children's grandparents were unreasonable to want to come and see them, clearly they wouldn't if it were left to OP to arrange so what else are they to do?

Can your husband not just make some sandwiches for everyone?

Or... why don't we meet at .... XXX National trust property, local farm, etc DC would love it and we can eat out.

If you're not cooking/preparing any food for your ILs, how exactly are you waiting on them hand and foot? Do they expect you to bathe them while they are there? Style their hair? Do their ironing? Give them a massage? As for your FIL's jokey put-downs, mine would be a lot less light-hearted if I visited a close relative for three hours in the middle of the day and wasn't offered anything but a cup of tea .

They’re parents. They’re allowed to invite themselves round for lunch. If it doesn’t work for you, you need to say so. Once a month is not excessive, it’s nice. If you really can’t stand them, then that’s another problem, but they’re not in the wrong for inviting themselves round.

And why don’t you ASK them if they’ll eat before they come or want lunch at yours? I’m baffled at how inert you sound over this

What is your husband doing, while this is all going on?

So I should make lunch and wait on hand on foot for CF's who invite themselves to my house, yet in 10 years have never invited me or dh to theirs?
I put the tea on the dining table yet step mil decides to put it on the floor on the rather expensive rug.

Why are you not allowed to visit ?

They’re allowed to invite themselves round for lunch

You can always say you are busy but will be back at 3o'clock or whatever.

And with regard to safety issues, that is a real pain but keep on at your step mil, she may eventually get it through her fat head about these issues.

I hope your husband will take the strain of the meeting re chat and refreshments. If he doesn't want to see them either then I would cancel.

Oldbutstillgotit not sure, I think step mil doesn't like guests. Dh isn't ever invited either

Dear god you are very hard work OP. Your dh parents visit for 3 hours a month and you make this much drama. One day you will be a MIL. Imagine how you will feel if you DIL is like you.

This is getting odder and odder.

Why aren't you allowed to go to their house?

Have you ever asked to go round to theirs OP?

yet in 10 years have never invited me or dh to theirs?

Are you not permitted to visit, or not invited? There is a difference. Maybe they’re disappointed that you never ask to visit them and that’s why they to go to yours. Have you tried saying that you’d like to visit them on (insert date).

But you don't invite them, they don't invite you. Someone's got to make rhe move. Just say, no we will come to you this time.

What do you want, op? It sounds like you just want validation that they are awful.

There have been several responses to handle this but it sounds like you don’t want that.

Why not ask you yet DP to sort lunch for his family. Or else you can just go out and leave DP with the children to manage.

In 25 years time, will you be happy to be treated in the same way by your DC's partner? If you will be happy to be treated as a major inconvenience, go ahead and do the same to your ILs now.

Not sure what the face is for, Pedro. They’re your husband’s parents, they brought him into the world, educated him, fed him, got him to the place where he met you. They’re allowed to invite themselves round for lunch. (You’re also allowed to say no, obviously, but surely they’re not wrong for asking?)

Why don't you say "hi, yes, Tuesday works for me, but can you please come around 2pm, as we has his lunch and a snooze before that"

Ds not we

Look, they're expecting you to do what they do. You phone them up (or DH does preferably) and tell them you're coming at x time. And occasionally tell them you won't be in at x time, and you'll see them on x date at y time instead. Keep on, and break the pattern.