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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To want to spoil my child and feel gutted I can’t

349 replies

LazyDaisy29 · 19/06/2019 09:01

I have always set limits for birthday and Christmas’s and been quite strict with what I can afford and what I give them!
It’s my sons 8th birthday today and he asked for a party, so we booked him a party of his choice costing £180
He also wanted a bike but I couldn’t afford both and limits are normally £200 for present if they don’t have a party, so we gave him £100 and asked everyone else (nans and grandads etc) to give him cash so he could go and get a bike!

I got him a £20 toy to open from siblings!
And he had 3 small presents to open from a family member but nothing “great” just small things

He has got up this morning and looked gutted, he was trying hard not to cry, I think he thought he would have a lot of presents

I’ve explained that he will get more later and he’s got his party. I can see he’s trying really hard not to let his true feeling show but I can’t blame him he’s 8!

We went to his cousins birthday early in the year and they had loads of presents to open, and I could tell then that he felt jealous of how much they got

My husband thinks I’m over thinking it and he will be fine later when he gets more money from people
But I feel like he’s 8 and if he’s got a picture of what birthdays should be like then I want to be able to give him that

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 19/06/2019 09:05

I think you've been very generous and he's learning a good life lesson.

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/06/2019 09:06

Oh poor child, only having £300 spent on his birthday, I’d be in tears as well Hmm.

There are more people who have to look for second hand/cheap presents for their children, than those who can afford what you can. Instead of bemoaning the fact you can’t ‘spoil’ him, maybe it’s a good time for you all to appreciate you can afford these things at all.

Houseonahill · 19/06/2019 09:07

Did you explain yo him that a party meant no presents?

HermioneWeasley · 19/06/2019 09:07

He’s got an expensive party and a new bike plus other presents and he’s disappointed?

I’m afraid you have already spoiled him

KnittingSister · 19/06/2019 09:08

So you've spent £300 on him?? That's a LOT of money!

Houseonahill · 19/06/2019 09:08

He didn't get a bike just a party unless I've read wrong?

Happinessbegins · 19/06/2019 09:09

Did he get the bike?

gamerchick · 19/06/2019 09:10

Well he will get presents won't he... At his party?

BeanBag7 · 19/06/2019 09:10

I probably would have collected the cash from relatives in advance so we could have a bike to open on his birthday, rather than the money to "go and get a bike".

Otherwise I think he is being a little ungrateful as £200 for a party and £100+ on presents is very generous IMO

Howlovely · 19/06/2019 09:10

You're really not going to get much sympathy here I'm afraid. To paraphrase, "My son asked for an expensive party and a bike so we spent £300 on him and he was so disappointed he nearly cried".
Maybe you ought to teach your son about being grateful?

dontlikebeards · 19/06/2019 09:10

I have to agree with pp, you are already spoiling him and now you have to deal with his level of expectation.

Cookit · 19/06/2019 09:12

Did he open / discover his bike in the morning too? Surely he’d have been thrilled with that?

And you spent £280 on him?

Goodlookingcreature · 19/06/2019 09:12

I don’t think it’s a particularly nice trait in anybody to have that level of expectation.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2019 09:12

I you mke it clear that a big party would come out of his birthday present money essentially, and that there's £100 for a bike sitting the side? £300 is plenty to be spending on a birthday, and you said he had sinlblings so even if just three kids that's nearly a grand a year on birthdays.

MarthasGinYard · 19/06/2019 09:12

'He has got up this morning and looked gutted, he was trying hard not to cry'

New Bike, gifts and a party where he will undoubtedly get another pile of gifts.

I'd be having a chat with him TBH

YABU

Sandybval · 19/06/2019 09:13

Woah, we didn't get much when we were younger as our parents couldn't afford it- but they were always thoughtful and much loved presents. You don't need to spoil a child money wise, even though £300 is a lot for a birthday anyway! Maybe teach him some gratitude.

Cookit · 19/06/2019 09:13

Oh wait, he doesn’t have the bike yet. Given his age I think it would have been better to get the bike already.

Snog · 19/06/2019 09:13

Why not find a second hand bike on gumtree? New bikes for kids are a bit pointless as they outgrow them so quickly.

CherryPavlova · 19/06/2019 09:14

I’m afraid the term rod and back come to mind. We all want to indulge our children but to set unrealistic expectations in an eight year old and to have his happiness set on the number of presents is actually unkind in the longer run.
Birthday or no birthday tell him to stop sulking and start being excited about his party. Don’t indulge his disappointment; its rudeness.

Cookit · 19/06/2019 09:14

And what would you count as “spoiling”? £500? £1000?

We can afford to “spoil” but I would hate to spend that kind of money on a birthday!

CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 09:15

I don't think he's spoiled. He's 8 and he sees his cousins getting more than him and he's disappointed (at that age your world is very small - you don't see kids living in poverty with almost nothing unless they're in your social circle). The fact that he's not kicking up a fuss shows you've raised a nice, considerate young man.

I know exactly what you mean OP. As parents it's great when we can see our kid's face when they open the gift that's exactly what they want but I think that's more about us than them. You'd actually be doing him a disservice by just buying him everything he wants. He'll have a great time at his party (and remember it far longer than he would a huge pile of presents) and he'll know that life is full of compromises. You can have a bike or a big party but not both. He'll find life easier for learning these lessons now.

Claw01 · 19/06/2019 09:16

Why did he wake up expecting loads of presents?

Does he usually wake up to loads of presents on his birthday?

Did you explain the party was part of his present? Did you explain he could get a bike with his birthday money?

BubblesBuddy · 19/06/2019 09:16

Perhaps you should sit down with him and cost everything out so he understands. There are huge numbers of secondhand bikes available. Just look online or go to your local tip - mine has around 50 available. Your DS sounds spoilt already to be honest. If he had known the consequences would he have chosen this party? Possibly not. Just give him the options and allow him to make informed choices in discussion with you. I assume the DC coming to the party will bring gifts?

Claw01 · 19/06/2019 09:17

And why isn’t £100 enough to buy a bike for an 8 year old?!

Magpiefeather · 19/06/2019 09:18

Agree it sounds like you’ve already spoiled him (sorry). I know it’s difficult, you do want them to have a wonderful birthday and feel special and loved, but all of those things can happen without ANY presents if need be. Try and help your boy not to compare to others . Also try not to compare with others yourself. Hope he has a great party!

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