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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU nephew not attending wedding

308 replies

LittleMissCool · 18/06/2019 23:45

Have been planning my wedding for 2 years, said wedding happening in 2 months. Notified today by a family member that nephew won't be attending due to routine sporting competition.

Very very close to my sister (nephews mum), we are best friends and see each other daily, she hasn't mentioned this to me at all I've heard through sister in law.

I babysit my sister's other children over night on a Friday and 1 night in the week so my nephew (age 10) can practise his sport.

I'm so hurt and upset that his sport is taking priority over my wedding and that sister considers it more important. Though mostly I'm upset that she didn't talk to me.

AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:
cabingirl · 19/06/2019 00:06

Is it just the nephew who can't come?

If yes, YABU

If it means your sister and the rest of the family won't come either then I understand why you might be upset.

Lucifer666 · 19/06/2019 00:13

I'd ask your sister outright before getting hurt and pissed off as family member could be stirring. If its true I think thats out of line but not alot you can do about it I'm afraid if your sister prioritises it over your wedding I'd just tell her honestly that you're a but hurt and surely it won't kill nephew to miss it just once? If she won't back down enjoy the wedding and if ever she has a celebration I'd deliberately not attend and prioritise something else but hey thats just me making a petty point 😂

Orangeballon · 19/06/2019 00:24

10 year old would not think your wedding was a priority over his sport. You are beings reasonable.

Inis · 19/06/2019 00:29

The ten year old isn’t going to be remotely interested in your wedding.

IGottaSeeJane · 19/06/2019 00:31

yabu for a 10 y o a wedding is v dull their sport isn't.

easterholidays · 19/06/2019 00:50

I don't think YABU but do check with your sister first: could SIL have the wrong end of the stick and just assumed he wouldn't be coming? If not then I think it's ok to let your sister know you'd be sad not to see him, but don't push it beyond that. Yes it's a shame, but don't let it spoil your day or your closer family relationships.

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2019 00:53

If it's just the 10 year old who won't be attending then YABU.

Of course his sport will take priority.

10 year old kids tend not to be big on weddings generally.

Leeds2 · 19/06/2019 01:01

I would first of all check with your sister as to who, exactly, is coming. If your nephew is going to a sports event, he may be going with a team mate (rather than with your sister), who may be able to get him back in time for the reception. I think it odd your sister hasn't said anything herself.

HeddaGarbled · 19/06/2019 01:03

Yes, YABU. I expect she is too scared to tell you, because she knows you’re going to make a big fuss about it. Don’t. Think how nice it will be just to accept that this is OK and get on with looking forward to your wedding with no drama, no tears, no fallings out.

Your wedding doesn’t need to be like an Eastenders wedding, incomplete without a row. It can be like a grown-up sensible person’s wedding where people are happy and kind and reasonable and enjoy themselves and it all goes off well and you look back on it with good memories.

1sttimemummyxx · 19/06/2019 01:04

YANBU

I would also be very hurt if my sister did the same.

Of course your wedding is more important than a routine sports competition, and you would want all of your family there to celebrate your day with you.

Can you tell your sister what your SIL told you, and let her know how much you would miss your DN on the day if he wasn't to come?

Hope you get it sorted Smile

SusanneLinder · 19/06/2019 01:06

Can rest of family come, or is it just your nephew that can't? If just your nephew, then you AIBU. 10 yr old boys aren't interested in weddings.

notangelinajolie · 19/06/2019 01:13

So a 10 year boy old isn't coming to your wedding and now you are hurt and upset. This really is not something you should be getting upset over - your wedding day will go ahead and will be just as special. There should only person that you need to be there - your DH to be - don't fret over a 10 year old Flowers

wafflyversatile · 19/06/2019 01:16
  • Think how nice it will be just to accept that this is OK and get on with looking forward to your wedding with no drama, no tears, no fallings out.

Your wedding doesn’t need to be like an Eastenders wedding, incomplete without a row. It can be like a grown-up sensible person’s wedding where people are happy and kind and reasonable and enjoy themselves and it all goes off well and you look back on it with good memories*

This. So much this.

The absence of the one 10 year old boy is not going to ruin your day.

LoveYourHome9 · 19/06/2019 01:19

I would be VERY upset if my nephew, son of my sister did not come to my wedding.

I would be even more upset if my sister hadn’t spoken to me about this.

Is it a terribly important sporting event that cannot be missed? For me, it would need to be a once in a lifetime event, or something he had a significant chance of winning/getting something from. I also would have thought if the sport is such a big part of is life, that any known events could have been mentioned far in advance.

My son plays a sport to a reasonably high level and there are certain events/competitions we wouldn’t want to kiss that happen at a set time every year. I wouldn’t expect you to plan your wedding around that, but as your sister I would probably have had a conversation around it way way back in the planning stages.

Also, my son’s sport/team would completely understand him missing a event for a important family wedding.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/06/2019 01:20

You and your sister are best friends. Is she attending?
If so that's what's important. To the nephew he probably loves you but your wedding is not going to win over something that he loves and is passionate about. And that's OK. He's getting to an age where he has to make devious for himself.

Gingerkittykat · 19/06/2019 01:25

Will his parents be taking him there or have they made other arrangements?

Will he attend in the evening?

Sounds utterly thoughtless of them.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2019 01:32

Yanbu to be upset that your sister wasn't the one to discuss this with you, but yabvvu if you think your nephew gives a single toss about your wedding. Does it REALLY matter if a ten year old is there?

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 19/06/2019 01:35

In Mumsnet speak: get a grip!

He's ten, he doesn't want to be there, it's boring, he won't enjoy it, he wants to do his sport! How will it improve anyone's life, even yours, to force him to attend?

How about if he throws a tantrum when the entire family don't troop out to watch him in the borough five-a-side finals? Grin

PS YABU

dragonway · 19/06/2019 01:38

I’m very close to my nephew who is about the same age and yes I’d be very upset if he wasn’t coming because he was taking part in a routine sport. Weddings are a one off celebration. He won’t be in any of the photos! Of course he’d rather be playing sport but it’s not just about what he wants is it? Is he playing in an Olympic selection game or a championship title/trophy game? Will missing this game mean he loses his place in the league or team? If no, then YANBU.
Weddings trump knocking a ball around in a random game. Special family gathering! Everyone you love/spend time with should make some effort to be there!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/06/2019 01:39

Weddings are a one off celebration

Not anymore. Maybe he's said he'll go to the next one.

MoominKitty · 19/06/2019 01:42

You're not being unreasonable to be upset that your sister didn't tell you herself, especially as your very close.

But as others have said as long as the others come you most likely won't miss him not being there as much as you think.

Double check with your sister on who is and isn't coming first before getting too upset x

crustycrab · 19/06/2019 01:44

MN are keen tonight. It doesn't matter if it's his priority or if he'll be bored. He's 10, his very close Auntie is getting married and he'll do as he's bloody well told what his mother tells him. She's BU if she's said his golf tournament or whatever takes priority. But I'd check that's the case OP. It might be a 9am football training or something and relative misunderstood

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 19/06/2019 01:59

I would be very upset. And it wouldn't ever occur to me that my son would miss my sisters wedding so he can play his usual sport.

TakeBathsNotDrugs · 19/06/2019 02:01

So he was eight when you started planning the wedding. Two years is forever to an eight year old and it won't have been at the front of his mind all this time.

I love my nephew and if he had a boxing completion on the day of my wedding I'd rather he go to his competition as that's where his heart and mind would be. He'd not be interested in seeing his uncle and aunt declare their love and shit and then watch the adults get pissed (which he's too young for) and little ones skidding in dance floor.

I think YAB a little bit u

Luckybe40 · 19/06/2019 02:01

No, No, No you are definitely NOT BU! This is not just a “10 year old boy” it’s your nephew, a close family member, someone whom you love, (and have spent a lot of time helping out!!) Obviously you want him there, he should be there instead of a bloody routine sporting event! But that’s not what this is about at all...it’s about your sister’s misplaced priorities that hurts. Your sister should 100% place more importance on all the family being together celebrating your special day. Why on earth has she let that happen? But before you do anything you need to tell her how disappointed you are that your DN won’t be there, she might not realise how important it is to you. Give her a chance to rectify it.

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