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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU nephew not attending wedding

308 replies

LittleMissCool · 18/06/2019 23:45

Have been planning my wedding for 2 years, said wedding happening in 2 months. Notified today by a family member that nephew won't be attending due to routine sporting competition.

Very very close to my sister (nephews mum), we are best friends and see each other daily, she hasn't mentioned this to me at all I've heard through sister in law.

I babysit my sister's other children over night on a Friday and 1 night in the week so my nephew (age 10) can practise his sport.

I'm so hurt and upset that his sport is taking priority over my wedding and that sister considers it more important. Though mostly I'm upset that she didn't talk to me.

AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 19/06/2019 02:02

And to those saying a 10 year old doesn't care much about a wedding, well this may be true but they still have to go!
I don't know one person who would think it's ok for their child to not go to their close aunts wedding because they had sports training that day. He's are 10 years old he's not David Beckham

StoppinBy · 19/06/2019 02:35

He's 10 and would probably be bored at a wedding, maybe your sister is doing it so she can relax herself at your wedding and not worry about the kids?

Italiangreyhound · 19/06/2019 02:41

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

At 10 it is his mum or dad's responsibility to get him to the wedding. he may well not appreciate the importance of it, but your sister should.

To be honest the fact the child might be bored is neither here nor there in my book. So what. Family is important and you have shown a huge commitment to your family. Children should not get out of family involvement simply because something else takes their fancy on a [articular day, IMHO.

If he doesn't come to the wedding you will still have a fabulous day but I think your sister should ensure he makes your day a priority.

Completely agree with ineedtostopbeingsolazy

"...10 years old he's not David Beckham".

The fact we can sweep our own feelings and emotions under the carpet to make others feel OK about their choices does not mean it is right to do so.

Inniu · 19/06/2019 02:42

How will it impact his sport if you stop babysitting 2 nights per week

Thistles24 · 19/06/2019 04:35

I’m amazed at the comments from other posters that a 10 year old boy wouldn’t want to be there! My 8 and 10 year olds were so excited about my brothers wedding, and had a great time! I’d be upset too OP. Though i guess it depends on how “routine” the competition is. For example, DS plays in a sat football league, could miss it with no consequences but for Athletics, he does a graded meet every 8 weeks(ish) and depending on his times in that, he’ll be selected for the regional team, if he misses on chances are slim he’ll get picked for any meets until after the next one, so although it is “routine” it’s quite a big deal to him. Perhaps your sister is trying to find a way round it- getting a friend to take him to the competition then drop him at the hotel after, that way he may miss the service but be there for the evening reception?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/06/2019 05:16

Yabu

Your wedding isn’t a priority to the 10 year old, your seeing this from adult eyes and not that of the 10 year olds.

PirateWeasel · 19/06/2019 05:17

I get that a wedding is not something that a 10yo would choose to attend over his hobby, but unless this is a very big deal match I think your sister ought to put her foot down. He's old enough to learn that sometimes we have to put our own wants aside in order to show love and support to the people closest to us. One day off his hobby won't kill him.

That said, this sport thing might be something happening early in the morning before the wedding and won't mean DN isn't coming at all. Definitely check with your sister.

TemporaryPermanent · 19/06/2019 05:22

Sorry I've only read the first few responses - always a mistake... but of course YANBU. A nephew is a close relative and should be there barring illness or the insistence of the bride and groom in some nightmare if a destination wedding needing a week off school or something. I'd have been hurt, not because I'm a drama queen but because weddings are big family milestones and should take priority. Talk to your sister.

Isitfridayalready · 19/06/2019 05:35

Slightly puzzled by some of the earlier replies. Is it one of those things where the first reply takes a particular stance and the next ten replies pile on and agree with them? Because there's no way MN would normally be in favour of a ten year-old's right to opt out of a close family member's wedding for no good reason because weddings are booooring. And if it had been the child's mother coming on here asking if she was BU to upset her sister because her little precious would be bored at a wedding and his hobbies are more important to him, she'd get told in no uncertain terms that she was raising an entitled little manchild and that a little boredom is good for children.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/06/2019 05:38

YANBU
Do check with your sister. In a x said, is that right? You are making massive sacrifices in your life so your nephew can attend his sport. He needs to do the same for your wedding. Anything else is plain selfish. If your sister and his father are teaching him something different, they’re cheeky fuckers.

Mac47 · 19/06/2019 07:24

I'm afraid I don't see a problem with this, but then I have little interest in weddings, so they are not a big deal for me. If you were my sister and getting that stressed about it, I guess I would make him attend for the sake of family harmony.

adaline · 19/06/2019 07:28

I'm afraid I don't see the problem.

Ohyesiam · 19/06/2019 07:33

Think yourself lucky, My sister isn’t coming to my wedding next month as she has realised she can’t be in the same room as my mum.

adaline · 19/06/2019 07:34

but because weddings are big family milestones and should take priority.

Are they? Only in some families I think!

I'm afraid most people have very little interest in the weddings of other couples!

Gilbert1A · 19/06/2019 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Seeline · 19/06/2019 07:37

I don't see a problem either, as long as your sister still attends

You haven't indicated at what level your DN plays, but if he trains twice a week and this requires you babysitting, I imagine training takes places non-locally and/or for more than the standard hour, so is probably pretty good. Also, if a team sport, there is the issue of letting down team mates and/or losing his place.

Have you got kids OP? I know my priorities changed considerably once they arrived.

Zbag · 19/06/2019 07:39

Sorry but yabu. Weddings suck, especially for 10 year olds. He would much rather play sport than attend your wedding!

NeverTalksToStrangers · 19/06/2019 07:44

I have a 10 yo ds. He can't wait to go to his uncle's wedding this summer.

There is no way he would be going to his sporting hobby instead of the wedding. I wouldn't let him and he wouldn't even consider it, unless say it was 9am and over by 11. Boys really just have to shower and get dressed.

legalseagull · 19/06/2019 07:45

I can't believe the amount of people saying he'll be bored. Tough shit! Suck it up. It's one day for his aunts wedding. I'd be bringing my son. It's important. Family isn't together that often and you want whole family photos etc. Boy needs to learn you sometimes can't just do what's fun.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/06/2019 07:45

David Beckham was once a 10 year old is an academy club.

My own child is in an academy club and it takes commitment and dedication.

He also has missed family events as he lives and breaths the sports, however if he went to a family event and missed a game/tournament/training etc... his club would not be happy and it may mean he missed out on the next game etc.

My own Dh missed his own parents wedding, as he was playing in a tournament in Germany.

Personally I’d respect the choice of my 20 year old.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/06/2019 07:45

10!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 19/06/2019 07:49

Talk to your sis. The other relative might have the wrong end of the stick.

Original poster

LittleMissCool · 19/06/2019 07:54

Thank you all.
I have spoken with my sister, she has told me in no uncertain terms that his competition is more important. It is a couple of hours drive away and she expects that he will make it halfway through the wedding breakfast. Her husband will be taking him.
Hearing it second hand is what disappointed me most about the whole situation.

OP posts:

MaximusHeadroom · 19/06/2019 07:55

I would definitely speak to your sister as the real BU is that she hasn't discussed it with you. But SIL seems to know.

Maybe DSIS isn't aware that it is important for you that he is there?

Just talk to her before getting yourself upset.

FwIW I would have been really sad for my nephews not to have been at my wedding. They were in the wedding party and had a great time.

But I would have definitely talked to my sister before getting upset about it

MaximusHeadroom · 19/06/2019 07:56

Sorry, cross post

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