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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU nephew not attending wedding

308 replies

LittleMissCool · 18/06/2019 23:45

Have been planning my wedding for 2 years, said wedding happening in 2 months. Notified today by a family member that nephew won't be attending due to routine sporting competition.

Very very close to my sister (nephews mum), we are best friends and see each other daily, she hasn't mentioned this to me at all I've heard through sister in law.

I babysit my sister's other children over night on a Friday and 1 night in the week so my nephew (age 10) can practise his sport.

I'm so hurt and upset that his sport is taking priority over my wedding and that sister considers it more important. Though mostly I'm upset that she didn't talk to me.

AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 19/06/2019 07:56

I would expect your sister to have told him I don’t care if you want to do your sport instead of coming , but you only do your sport because auntie x helps out two nights a week, and one day you will understand that is a lot. So you come and smile or incancel your sport so auntie x doesn’t have to put herself out so much for you anymore.

MaximusHeadroom · 19/06/2019 07:57

And I agree, she is BU in that she didn't talk to you about it. She may not have changed her decision but at least you wouldn't have heard it second hand, especially since it is also BIL who won't be there.

QueenBeee · 19/06/2019 08:02

If you do favours for someone ie the babysitting you assume they are grateful and appreciative. So they might show gratitude by enjoying the big day with you.
Turning up halfway through the wedding is not on imv.

Rm2018 · 19/06/2019 08:02

Well isn't your sister lovely not! So your nephew who you help every week and your bil arent going and wont be in pics! Yanbu

LL83 · 19/06/2019 08:04

My dd loves her sport and is very good at it. We attend all games and training unless ill.
For my sisters wedding family would be priority. Yanbu.

Spiceupyourlife · 19/06/2019 08:05

Everyone saying ‘weddings are dull for 10 yo’s’ 🤔

No they sodding well aren’t! I had about 10-15 kids at my wedding (a few weeks ago) and they had the best time of everyone! Tearing around the grounds, eating all the food and cake, dancing away!

Plus as my lovely friend explained to me, when her 12 year old DD didn’t intifally want to come (I said it was fine if she didn’t btw)
‘At this age it’s not really about what they WANT it’s about teaching them to be decent adults, to prioritise properly and to make a bloody effort sometimes’ 🙌🏻

Raising children who expect to always prioritise their preferences and won’t sit through a 30 min wedding ceremony because they ‘don’t want to’ is not the route to decent adulting!

Snappedandfarted2019 · 19/06/2019 08:06

Tbh I think its massively rude you're nephew attending his sport with his dad and coming into you're wedding halfway through the wedding breakfast late,that's extremely bad manners not to mention disruptive. A wedding is a one off occasion and could be treated with respect you either attend properly or you dont, I hope you put you're foot down.

GrumpyOHara · 19/06/2019 08:07

YABU. Weddings aren't that interesting for children and people can't put their lives on hold for someone's wedding. Nephew should be allowed to decide which he does and his decision should be respected, imo

Aus84 · 19/06/2019 08:08

My DD is very into sport at a competitive level. I would let her choose it over a wedding as, at the moment, it is the area she wants to be in for a career. My friends and family would probably feel that same as you do, but I know how important it is to her and would support her 100%. If she had to choose a wedding over her sport she would be miserable the entire day. I don't think you'll notice him missing on the day so I think it's unfair that you expect him to be there.

00100001 · 19/06/2019 08:08

Why, it's fine.

Sister will be there.

And they're coming straight after.

WishUponAStar88 · 19/06/2019 08:09

Very rude to have not told you directly. I would be saying no to them arriving half way through the meal. If they’re not planning to be there for the whole day I’d change them to an evening invite and save yourself £100 or whatever the cost of the 2 meals. I can’t believe they didn’t tell you!

Poloshot · 19/06/2019 08:11

It's fine, the mother and father don't want to prioritise your wedding. You don't want to prioritise assisting them as much as you do, stop doing so much for them.

GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 08:13

Are you sister and your nephew’s Dad still together? I’m thinking maybe not since you have to babysit to facilitate the sport during the week.

If nephew’s Dad is also invited and not coming, how do you feel about that?

BummyKnocker · 19/06/2019 08:13

So you babysit all the time and are a good sister but both her DP and nephew won't be there?

I would knoick the babysitting on the head, as know you know how little you mean to them.

ArgusFilchsCat · 19/06/2019 08:16

Poor form you are only hearing about it second hand. Out of interest, can you say the sport? My DC swim so there are certain big meets that they should attend and smaller ones that are not so important, so we plan our calendar accordingly. Saying that, my sisters wedding would take priority over a sporting event (unless it was the Olympics!)

oneforthepain · 19/06/2019 08:18

If this is the biggest thing you have to be upset about then I think you need to be grateful for how good you've got things and focus on that instead.

There is no need to turn this into some dramatic long term feud that damages your relationships. Especially as they're going to the effort of making sure he can join you as soon as it's finished. Surely you want to support him too, since this is clearly important.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 08:18

So two people you were expecting will now be missing from the service and may possibly turn up in time for the food. I'd be sad and upset.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 19/06/2019 08:18

I wouldn't be doing them any more favours op if this is how they think of you I'm shocked peoples attitudes towards family big days such as one day as a wedding a celebration of someone's marriage should mean something to family but clear to some people it doesn't.

EssentialHummus · 19/06/2019 08:18

Terrible. I don't think it matters, personally, that 10 year olds don't like weddings. It's a major family event for someone very close - you attend, no questions asked. If this was Olympic selection or something, fine, but it isn't.

Sarahjconnor · 19/06/2019 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magenta82 · 19/06/2019 08:20

I'd have more important things to do on a Friday from now on.

UpTheDuffWithOnlyASatnav · 19/06/2019 08:21

But he is ten years old. Ten. No ten year old can seriously be expected to understand the importance of a wedding. And forcing him to attend won't teach him, either. Let it go.

speakout · 19/06/2019 08:21

A lucky break for him.

I can't think of a worse day that a wedding for a 10 year old boy.

Give the lad a break.

Inis · 19/06/2019 08:23

It probably didn’t even occur to your sister that you considered your nephew’s presence for the entire day so crucial you needed to have it especially explained. Lots of people think children are so unimportant or undesirable at weddings, they invite no children on principle. She presumably would have if he wasn’t coming at all.

As it is, your sister will be there for the whole thing and he and his father are rushing back to attend the rest of the wedding day — it seems like a reasonable compromise. I’m genuinely not sure what you’re so exercised about.

diddl · 19/06/2019 08:26

I think it's rude of your sister to not have said anything but great that she will be there.

If your nephew & BIL can't make it, shouldn't they have declined, or would you rather have them there when they can rather than not at all?

Seems very rude to me to turn up during the meal.