AIBU or is DS?

[availableforlunch]

DS is 12. He gets what I think is a lot of pocket money - £15 per week. This is because he likes to spend money on expensive clothes and the Xbox, so this way I put the responsibility for buying those things on him, and he should supposedly learn to budget accordingly.

He also gets £5 a week on his lunch account at school, and his phone contract paid (not an expensive phone).

They're going to Cadbury's World with school this week. He's asked for £15 extra to take for spending money. I have said no, he can have £5. He is having a strop saying that £5 won't be enough to buy anything there, and he's going to spend the £5 on sweets for the journey. I've said if that's the case he is having nothing. He should have saved some pocket money from last week if he wanted to take a lot of money on the trip.

Who is being unreasonable here? I think he's being spoilt, he thinks I'm mean.

Him. He is being a spoilt brat

YANBU. Don't give in to his silly strop.

I hope he does chores for that £15!

Yes, he does have to "earn" the £15.

He should use his pocket money

£5 a week for lunches? The basic meal at DD's school is £4.50 a day

Have you got that the ring way around , how can he get lunch for £1 a day?

So he is actually spending the whole £15 every week on clothes and xbox? He must be going through a fortune! He should clearly be saving some of it

It's a lesson in budgeting and the sooner he learns the better for his future. It also does no harm to go without once in a while - it may increase his appreciation and the value of money.

£4.50 a day for a basic school lunch? Good grief!
He most definitely should have used his pocket money.

Whilst obviously there needs to be a start to learn responsibly with money somewhere, not all 12 year olds are going to take heed to ‘here’s a load of money each week, now remember to save it up!’.

If you know he’s not going to save up and there’s a trip coming, I would have taken £5 off for the last couple of weeks to save for him. Or you can ‘lend’ him the money with it coming out of future pocket money? That’s what happens when you take a loan as an adult, so that’s a real life lesson there.

He can't get lunch every day for £5 a week but he can take a packed lunch some days as some of his friends do.

The wraps at school are £1.70, and if he doesn't want to make a pack up then he can use his pocket money to top it up if he wants. He used to get £10 a week lunch money but he is repaying a debt for breaking a phone in a temper tantrum at £5 a week until October.

He has more "pocket money" for clothes amd hobbies a month than I do as a 30-something year old! I definitely wouldn't be giving him anything extra for the school trip.

If he buys his clothes out if £15 per week, how can he be spending it though? If he likes “expensive clothes” then he would be saving ten weeks for a pair of trainers, for instance. And what school does lunch for £1 per day?

OP, he’s only 12. He probably has friends who are talking about taking £20 to Cadbury World and they’re all getting excited. Has he already spent this week’s pocket money or something?

The lunch money at school shouldn't come into this tbh.

I think £15 is a lot for a 12 yo, but I wouldn't have left my 12 yo to buy their own clothes either. They could come shopping to choose, but I wouldn't be giving in to what I thought were expensive clothes.

I'd probably give him £10 for the trip, if the expectation is he has to buy clothes from his pocket money.

Example with clothes and shoes -

I am willing to spend £40 on a pair of school shoes. When he needs new school shoes, I'll give the first £40 but if he wants a £100 pair of shoes, he is expected to fund the other £60.

I will pay what I consider a reasonable amount for a basic version, and if he wants an expensive or designer version, he has to stump up the difference.

You have this the wrong way round .

The money owed for the phone should come off the £15.

That said £60 a month pocket money 😮. My 12 year old gets £2 a week a while he likes branded clothing we don’t spend anywhere near that and he goes to a none uniform school and doesn’t spend that . How many clothes do they need.

However no I would not be giving spending money for Cadbury’s world

He used to get £10 a week lunch money but he is repaying a debt for breaking a phone in a temper tantrum at £5 a week until October.

Good grief!

Take away from his £15 a week pocket money for goodness sake, not the poor boys lunch money

When you say he is expected to fund the rest be clear that is what you are funding too. You are just deluding yourself here.

I'm assuming it's only the expensive "extra" clothing OP doesn't buy him.

OP, he's being a spoilt brat. Tell him to spend his pocket money.

I don't think he is being spoilt actually. £15 is not a lot if you expect him to top up for his shoes, clothes and his lunches etc as well. Won't go far at all. He's 12. You've gone too far the other way and given him too much financial responsibility for his age.

Uh oh. You've gone and spoiled him. Does he at least work for his money? Chores and the like? DD, also 12, gets a fiver. She does the dishes, helps with laundry and also any other jobs I need her to do. She gets her iPhone contract paid £9 a month and is allowed £2 a day for school lunches. If she chooses to go outside of school (ie to the chippy,) any extra cost is met by her. Trips are funded by us. We'll give her a tenner, maybe £20 but only as a treat.

However, any tantrums about how much she gets results in getting fuck all. She'd have to take on a sandwich, packet of crisps and a water for lunches (in other words, there's no way in hell she would risk the horror of a packed lunch )

OP, stop the free money and make him start earning it. £15 a week to blow on clothes and games is more than I have.

It’s weird to make him repay a debt out of his food money. What made you do that rather than out of his pocket money?

How about compromising with an advance on next week’s pocket money?

She's not taking his lunch away just the chance to buy a school dinner. He can take a packed lunch!

I think he's being a brat, smashing his phone in a temper isn't great behaviour. He should've saved for it. Maybe a loan would be a good idea this time around, and suggest putting some of his pocket money aside each week for events like this.

I agree it would make more sense to pay the phone debt from spending money than lunch money! That doesn't make sense to me.

I'd comprise with offering an advance on next week's pocket money if he wants more to spend on the trip. If it's an "extra" £20 he'll spend it just because he can, if it's out of his normal budget he'll actually consider it's worth.

Setting aside the rest of what feels like a pretty odd relationship between you and your twelve year old and money...

I’d have rounded it up to a tenner. A fiver won’t buy much in snacks and souvenirs at Cadbury world.