AIBU or is DS?

[availableforlunch]

DS is 12. He gets what I think is a lot of pocket money - £15 per week. This is because he likes to spend money on expensive clothes and the Xbox, so this way I put the responsibility for buying those things on him, and he should supposedly learn to budget accordingly.

He also gets £5 a week on his lunch account at school, and his phone contract paid (not an expensive phone).

They're going to Cadbury's World with school this week. He's asked for £15 extra to take for spending money. I have said no, he can have £5. He is having a strop saying that £5 won't be enough to buy anything there, and he's going to spend the £5 on sweets for the journey. I've said if that's the case he is having nothing. He should have saved some pocket money from last week if he wanted to take a lot of money on the trip.

Who is being unreasonable here? I think he's being spoilt, he thinks I'm mean.

You could give him an advance on his pocket money, but be prepared for the whining when he has to get less the next week.

Do you not make his packed lunch for him OP?

Tbh, most 12 year-old boys could not be relied on to make themselves a reasonable packed lunch every day. If he only has £5, he probably misses lunch 3 out if 5 days and this won’t be good for him at all. I bet he just buys cheap stuff like crisps on the way home. I can’t bekieve you dicked his lunch money for a year to pay for a damaged phone. Bloody hell

Why would anyone think it's right to give him extra money for this trip? How the hell can we teach our children the importance of financial planning if parents keep giving extra handouts? He's 12 not 5.

15 a week is plenty at 12 yrs old even including clothing and shoe top ups - he has to understand that you can't have everything and have to choose.

I would do as you do allow a small amount ie £5 for the trip (on the basis that it is enough if he wants more then he should top up - (same principle as elsewhere) but I would point out to him that sweets for the trip is pointless as there will be sweets when he gets there!! There honestly isn't much worth spending alot of money on anyway. I hate this having to spend 20 quid in the gift shop on school trips business or on any trip - its all tutt anyway.

DD 14 gets £40 a month at the beginning of the month and we tend to have a chat about what is coming u for her to spend money on and yes if she breaks her phone and its 60 quid to fix then she pays most of that (I am paying 20 she is paying 40) but that is because generally she is sensible with it

I’d give him an advance, then take it out of future pocket money.

And people fixated on repaying £5 from "lunch money" need to re-read the thread. He's not going to starve, just be less able to stuff himself!

I was going to say he was from the first post but I think the problem is deeper than that. I think you dont get what he wants to spend his money on and think of it as a waste. There is something about the tone of your other emails that makes me feel very sorry for your son rather than the spoilt brat he is portrayed as in the first post

shoes for £40 and lunches for £5 isnt a lot so you are forcing him to top up a lot

Cant you give him sweets that you buy and £5 compromise with him

oh and lunch money is 13 a week generally although she is not as good with that but mostly the school is a bit useless about displaying prices and totals etc

This is weird ....so at first it seems a lot of money ,then you realise he’s buying his clothes as well.
That’s rediculous at 12 he’s wanting designer clothes
Where has that come from? Do you wear designer clothes? Is he at private school where they all do? I’d be knocking that on the head and reducing the pocket money to £5 a week , reasonable at age 12
My 18 year old and my 19 year old managed on similar amounts of money till they started work...but they didn’t have to buy their clothes ..

DD who is 15 gets £10/week. This is for splurge stuff, so expensive makeup/posh knickers etc.
I would never expect her to pay her school lunch/shoes etc and certainly wouldn’t expect her to pay back for her phone from her lunch money-that would come from her pocket money! Think you have it all a bit arse about tit really.
Oh and at Cadbury world you get given loads of free stuff and the shop at the end is super cheap so you’d get loads for £5

And people fixated on repaying £5 from "lunch money" need to re-read the thread.

Why? It doesn't make it a better decision reading it a second time; or even a third.

The is being handed £15 a week to spend on whatever but his lunch money has been cut, he can still have lunch, so not much in the way of punishment.

I think he’s feeling a lot of pressure to fit in somewhere...op I’d be trying to find out where this pressure for expensive clothes has come from.it will be causing him anxiety,and at 12 that’s rediculous..in 2 years I will have another 12 year old ,and no way will he be having designer clothes ...for a start he will be still be growing so he won’t even get much use out of them

£60 a month pocket money?!!! Thats a hell of a lot op. He wont ever learn he has to start from the bottom and work his way up in a job is his pocket money is this much at 12. I think you should stop the 15quid a week and he has to earn like £5 and then you budget WITH him for clothes and xbox. Im actually so shocked at this!
I would give him 10 pound for the trip

Why on earth do you give him so much pocket money ? He is being a brat but you made him a brat

My DC (11) has gone to the Globe Theatre and they sent an email round last week saying that “£10 should be sufficient for the gift shop.” I think £10-15 for school trips is fairly standard, unless there is no shop or cafe - eg. bushcraft. The school provide a packed lunch for them all.

Sorry, also this is a primary school, so they are 10-11.

I think it's very odd to cut his lunch money to repay a debt, but give him £15 a week pocket money for crap he wants.

YAbothBU.

• Lunch money is lunch money, not deducted for other things
• You give him £15/week discretionary spend. The phone repayment should be coming off that at £10 per week until repaid
• You need to be clear what the pocket money is for, maybe write it down. If it is meant to cover trip spending money then say so
• Spending £££ on trainers for a growing person is crazy. Make them birthday and Xmas presents if he wants them so badly
• £60 per month to fritter is ridiculous at 12. He has so much he isn't learning to budget.

Oh dear god, he doesn't have to buy his own clothes! I give him a set amount towards what they would cost from, for example, Next. If he wants Nike, Adidas etc then he needs to pay the difference in price. Those saying it's ridiculous that he wants name brand clothes cannot know many 12 year old boys - that's what the majority of them wear and want.

I'll happily spend £15 on a pair of shorts but if he wants a £25 pair because they've got an Adidas logo, he needs to stump up the £10.

He gets way more pocket money than my 12yo, who gets £2.50 per week. But then I pay for all his lunches every day. And my ds has not broken a phone in anger...

£5 is plenty to take to school trip.

He sounds a bit fixated on money. Might be time for a life lesson about how fortunate he is?

Mine the same age gets £3 a week! Spent mainly on fifa points. But he gets all clothes and shoes bought for him and if he goes swimming or to the cinema he is handed the money for this. I have no memory of saving up for things or clothes at that age and have turned out ok.

But he's not 'stumping up' the £10 really is her? Because you're giving it to him weekly.

if he had a paper round (when he is 13) that would be one thing. But you are fooling both of you if you think giving him way over the odds in pocket money means he is the one paying the extra.

It think it depends on how you normally handle money with him.
My teens get a set amount pocket money. From that they have to pay for what ever it is they want (excluding clothes they need and food) in this situation they would know not to ask me for anymore.
If they were going away for a few days I would give them a small amount of money (£20-£50 depending on who they go with/where They're going)
They would never ask me for extra money for anything as they know I would tell them no. That's not how real life works. If I run out of moñey my boss wouldn't give me more.
Harsh? Maybe but I'm just trying to prepare them for real life.