Is 54 too old to father a child???

[Miatunnel]

Hi
I’m 34 and my partner is 54. We have been together for 5 years and we are both happy. I have always wanted a massive family but due to things happening we couldn’t even think about starting a family until now.

He always wanted children when he was younger but wrote of the idea until now.

We are both fit and healthy but I realise even if I got pregnant right now my partner would be 73 when the child is 18.
Is it selfish to have a child?

Had you both been 54, I'd have probably said it's a bit selfish. However, your age is quite normal to have a child at, and while it's a shame he left it so late, I don't think it's that bad overall.

Of course not. You have been together for a long time now and a child will make your relationship even more special. Age is only a number.

Your dc will only have 25/30 decent years max with his/her df.

Just a consideration.

@laurajjj @BinkyBaa
Thank you I’ve had a lot of friends and family members telling me that we would be selfish and I would never want my child to suffer.

He always wanted children but never found the right person.

Also sperm quality deteriorates. While men don't have the limited fertility women do there are other considerations.

Do you think you could cope with possibly a child with severe disabilities AND an ageing partner?

I only had 21 years with my dad and 24 years with my mom, they had me when they were in their 30s. It's a crapshoot.

Your dc will only have 25/30 decent years max with his/her df.

What a ridiculous argument. You can have a child at 25 and be dead the next year due to any number of causes. You can have a child at 50 and live to 103, as my great grandmother did.

If this is what both of you want, go for it.

Your child won't suffer if he / she has an older father. A loving father is the best gift you can give a child - many kids have dads in their 70s and they love them to bits. I'd say go for it - you've both waited a long time for parenthood . Enjoy it !

I think there’s a massive difference between a fit, active 54 year old, and a decrepit old 54 year old! Which is he? :)

My sister is 46, and her partner 54. They’ve been trying for a baby for 18 months. Nothing’s happening, and they say they haven’t sought intervention yet. I think they’re deemed too old for IVF, so that’s a possibly a consideration for you, OP, if conception doesn’t go to plan.

Good luck. 🤞🏻

Also, what if (God forbid) something happens to you, will your DP want a 5/10/15 year old on his own at 60/65/70?

At the end of the day all that really matters is if the child will be loved and well provided for. Ignore your family, none of their business.

@steff13
Was it a crapshoot because you lost your parents young or because they couldn’t parent as well at their age?

@HollaHolla
We both ran a marathon last month so we are both quite active and fit.

Go for it. But don’t hang about as you might take a while to conceive.

It was a crapshoot because sometimes people die in their 50s. Or their 20s. Or their 90s.

@Miatunnel - gosh, well done!! I’m impressed. 👍🏻 I would say don’t hang about, and hope it works out for you.

I’d say go for it Op, I was born when my dad was 55, and I’m now 20 and he’s 75 - it’s absolutely fine :)

Go for it ! My dad was born when his dad was 59 and his mum was 43. Granted he died when my dad was only twelve but he had his mum until he was in his thirties . Only you and your partner can decide what to do .

My Dad was 55 when I was born. 64 when my youngest sibling was born. I had 25 years with him. However plenty of people live way beyond 80 now. However I have been jealous of other people having dad’s who look out for them beyond the age of 25.

There are issues if your DH ages rather quickly or finds DC an irritation after years of not having to think about a little person! However my Dad and I shared hobbies and had quite a good time together until he didn’t like me during my teenage years. I think my siblings were less enamoured with his parenting skills. The age difference between my parents was bigger than yours. Only you know whether he will really embrace such a change in his life but, if you are certain, go for it. My mum wanted DC and it was fulfilling for her.

No I don’t think 54 is too old at all to father a child.
Good luck
XX

My dad died when I was 16 and my sister was 12 and he was 44. While I’d never want a child of mine to lose a parent when they were that young we had 16/12 amazing years with him and no one knows what is round the corner

My eldest sons dad is the same age as me and has been a crap dad for the last 15 of ds’s 24 years . You can’t predict everything

If you were also 54 I'd have said it was a bad idea but from what you've said I'd get cracking if I were you.

My husband was about 53 when we had our youngest. In situations like this people will tell you ‘He’s not going to want to play football with the kid when he’s 70’. It makes me laugh cos DH wasn’t playing football at 23 either. He was fit and well and an active and involved parent all through their childhoods, and the date on his birth certificate is just a collection of numbers.

I do think itits devastating to lose a parent at any age, but for one of your DPs to die before really reaching maturity and adulthood, or as a very young adult is really something to avoid.

Yes, of course, accidents happen, and tragedy strikes, but chances of survical do decrease with age. We all know that some live to a great age, but your chances reduce with age, so it does seem a more fragile basis to raise a family on. A lot more fragile. As much as im for you starting a family OP, i just think of the increased risk of the devastation that would ensue for any dc.

You coping with that and young dc, etc.

But then you could have conceivably conceived by accident, as happens, and that takes its iut of your hands.

There are also some truly shit young fathers, and old, but equally truly physically incapable older and younger.

Although i didnt use my 20's for having my babies, i do think that theres a wealth of energy for it then, that there isnt decades on at your DPs age.