Is 54 too old to father a child???

[Miatunnel]

Hi
I’m 34 and my partner is 54. We have been together for 5 years and we are both happy. I have always wanted a massive family but due to things happening we couldn’t even think about starting a family until now.

He always wanted children when he was younger but wrote of the idea until now.

We are both fit and healthy but I realise even if I got pregnant right now my partner would be 73 when the child is 18.
Is it selfish to have a child?

My dad was 62 when I was born. He passed away earlier this year. I'm 37. Dad was 99 when he died.

My mum on the other hand was 37 when I was born and she died when I was 12.

I realise that there are risks of children with special needs even the man's sperm is of lower quality. Could you ask for tests to be done?

I don't think you can really say that if a parent starts having children at an older age they will die while the children are very young. At 54 now the prospective father could easily live another 40 years. A younger father of say 20 could die of an unknown underlying disease or they could be killed in a sporting accident.

No-one can guarantee how long they will live it is a chance we have to risk.

It is a bit old. Can't imagine he'd have too much energy to take on half of the role of being a parent. A grandparent, yes, where you can hand them back, but night feeds etc?

You are going to get differing opinions on this OP.

My dad died when I was 14, he had me at 38 so that was pushing it (esp in those days).

But, he could play tennis with me, played several rounds of golf etc, relatively healthy.

He dropped dead of a hereditary heart condition.

My nana (his mother) lived until she was 94.

So I mean if you are happy to take the risk then go for it. Of course I would have loved more time but at the end of the day I am still grateful for the 14 years spent with my dad, I knew he loved me and I would rather be here and only spend a few short years with my dad.

That said OP I reckon he would have to be quite healthy - not a smoker (or at least not a heavy smoker), not a big drinker or obese etc.

My dad was 42 when I was born and 47 when my dsis arrived. He was an older dad but it didn't really make a difference to us in fact dsis got a full grant at uni because he was retired not very helpful information. If you want a dc go for it. There are a lot of people who judge on here (and on fb I've noticed recently). It's your business not theirs xx

someone on page 1 put it very kindly but for me the risk of asd would make it almost a deal breaker.

You are 34 and want to be a mum, go for it.

Im 37, DH is 50. We had our first child last year. DH doesn't smoke, drink heavily and eats healthily. Yes, he can sometimes find it tiring where a younger man perhaps wouldn't but he's a patient, hands on dad (currently primary carer). He does worry about dying while DS is young but so could anyone and his parents are going strong at nearly 80.

At the end of the day you're always going to get people who say you shouldn't for any reason - too young, too many kids already, house too small, no income, partner drinks too much etc etc. But this is your life here. It's your decision together.

Friend was just 29 when his wife 23 became pregnant.

He never got to see his Dd. He died before she was born

Go for it you don’t know what tomorrow holds

My dad was 49 when I was born, died when I was 17. But that could have happened if he’d been younger. One thing you may wish to bear in mind is that older fathers are more likely to father children, especially daughters, with autism spectrum disorders and developmental disorders like ADHD and any grandchildren are also at higher risk.

One of my friends was born when her Mum was 45 and her Dad 59! They're still alive...he's in his 90s and very active.

If both parents were 54 then I would say too old. But you are substantially younger than that so I would go for it.

The risk of dying increases with age.

Why so many denying the truth here? Yes, accidents and tragedies happen, but the risk increases with age.

Face the reality of increasing risks and impact of that on any dc.

There are increased risks of impact on any babies, that need considering. Not lalaland.

My ds is 16 and one of his best friends mum has just announced her pregnancy with a new partner. She is 37 and he is 57.

It's her 5th dc and his first. I think she is crazy as 3 of her 4 existing dc have Sen and she's bit obviously struggling with her MH according to what she posts on SM.

However, who am I to judge if it makes them happy?

In your shoes I’d go for it.

I know a 35 year old father of 2 young DCs just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Never had any health issues previously. There are no promises in life.

Of course not. My partner’s 60 and we've a newborn. His patience, hands on approach (day or night) and adoration for our LO has really made me realise why I waited for him, rather than starting a family with younger ex partners.
Don’t listen to your family members or anyone else. Although it would be interesting to know what their completely altruistic reasons were when deciding to have a child.
As for increased risks of ASD etc, they’re infinitesimal and very similar to teen father’s risk of fathering a child with disabilities but why let that get in the way of random prejudice. Chat to an Obstetrician if you’re worried ours put our minds to rest pretty sharpish, also opt for the Harmony test if Down’s syndrome etc is playing on your mind.
In all honesty no one in RL has commented on age to me except one person who has an older dad and loved it as he took her to sports etc because he was retired. They’re really close now and she couldn’t ask for a better father.
Good luck and congratulations to you both for the future!

My DP was 50 when DD was born (his first child too) and has been an amazing father and his relationship with DD is a revelation, she is his princess and he dotes on her with an uncomplicated, celebratory love, just so grateful he’s had this chance to be a father a little later in life. I think she keeps him young, he could look after himself a bit better but is very active, cycling to work like he’s Bradley Wiggins.

She’s 11 now and we both work funny shifts but he gets up every morning to make her breakfast while I sleep. I think the risks of SEN are higher but there are other factors, if there’s no other markers (eg family history) then the risks are still low.

I know people are right to worry about a child being bereaved young and it’s awfully sad when that happens but if you hold off because of that then the child will never have existed because of a ‘maybe’.

Good luck with whatever you decide but I know that I am glad we went for it.

Re: sperm quality for older fathers. This is not from a medical journal (just from the internet, so who knows...) but:
"Studies show that children with older fathers are at a greater risk for certain disorders, specifically autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

A 2011 studyTrusted Source in Molecular Psychiatry of over 5.7 million children in five countries found a link between older fathers and autism.

The researchers showed that the chance of having a child with autism was 28 percent higher among fathers who were in their 40s, and 66 percent higher for men in their 50s, compared to fathers younger than 30."
[https://www.healthline.com/health-news/does-older-sperm-cause-autism#1]

As for increased risks of ASD etc, they’re infinitesimal and very similar to teen father’s risk of fathering a child with disabilities but why let that get in the way of random prejudice.

It is a known fact in medical science that father's age is linked to increased risk of development disorders. It is not random prejudice.

Comparing to a teen father is quite strange - there is a much higher chance of issues like birth injuries (due to teen mother's body not fully developed), or things like FAS, spina bifida because teen mother doesn't know she's pregnant.

I would be shocked to see data showing that say a father aged 25-35 had the same risk factors as a father aged 55.

Having said that - increased risk is just that, risk. It's not a guarantee. If OP and her DP are prepared to handle any potential challenges then they should give it a go.

This, from the BMJ, even shows considerable increased gestational diabetes risk due potentially to aging of fathers sperm...

... data on all 40,529,905 live births that took place in the US between 2007 and 2016 to look at the impact of paternal age on a range of outcomes for the infant and the mother.

They found that as the age of the father increased so did the risk of the infant being born prematurely, having a low birth weight, and requiring healthcare support after delivery, such as assisted ventilation, admission to neonatal intensive care, or antibiotics.

After adjusting for age of the mother, maternal smoking, race, education, and number of prenatal visits, children of fathers aged 45 years or more were born 0.12 weeks earlier and with a 14% higher odds of being premature (less than 37 weeks) compared to those whose fathers were aged 25 to 34 years.

Children of fathers aged 45 years or more were born 20.2g lighter and had a 14% greater risk of low birth weight (less than 2500g) than infants born to younger fathers.

Infants with fathers aged 45 years or more also had a 14% higher odds of being admitted to a neonatal intensive care unit and a 18% higher odds of having seizures, compared with infants with fathers aged 25 to 34 years.

If the father was aged 55 years or older, newborns also tended to score less well on the Apgar test–a test used to quickly assess the health of a child at birth.

The risk of gestational diabetes for pregnant women also increased in line with the age of the father, with women carrying the child of a man aged 55 years or older having a 34% higher odds of gestational diabetes.

The researchers estimate that around 13% of premature births and 18% of gestational diabetes in pregnancies associated with older fathers were attributable to the advanced age of the father, and suggest that changes in the sperm of older men might explain their findings ....[continues]

I think it is fine, considering your age . As long as he doesn't mind that everyone is going to assume he is your kids grandfather, i guess.

It has less to do with age, than attitude. My ex and I had ds when ex was 54. Ds is perfect, a happy bright child. Ex proved to be a lazy self-obsessed arse who thinks parenting consists of bouncing a clean baby on his knee for 10 minutes on a Sunday before going awol for the week. But that’s got nothing to do with his age.

My brother also became a first time dad at 54. He’s besotted, fully involved, did nappies & bedtimes, now parents evenings, skiing holidays.....

So don’t listen to your family. It has nothing to do with them. If you want a child, go ahead. Make a conscious effort to stay fit, make decent provision - as a parent of any age would - and enjoy your family.

Do you think all those massively increased risks actually are fine yeahnahmum ?

I mean you might think it's fine for someone to weigh them up and having considered their own risks, continue on this road.

Like 34% increase in GD? Higher risks of seizures? Neonate scbu admission, lower birth weight....etc... All fine?

Medically for the baby they are put at greater risk, attitude can do nothing to ameliorate that.