Was IBU leaving meal?

[CharDee]

We went for a meal earlier for Father's Day/DH's Birthday/friends birthday. We arranged this a couple of weeks ago and it slipped our mind it was Father's Day but everyone was happy to go along with it still.

There was 8 of us all there plus DS and friends children. Our friends -"Anna" and "Jack" had their two older children and a newborn. All our other friends who were there don't have children but one couple is expecting their first baby.

I had a miscarriage not long ago and DH and I have decided that we are not going to have any more children. DH always wanted more and coming to this decision was hard for him especially.

Our friends are aware of the miscarriages that I've had and we've said that we don't want any more children. The main reason is that I can't go through another miscarriage but also DS was born with a rare condition that a new baby may have too.

At lunch Jack asked DH what DS has got him for Father's Day. I had spent quite a lot of money, I think maybe a bit out of guilt, and got him a new games console and games. Anna said she felt guilty because she only got Jack something small. Jack laughed then said "Well you've given me three children. I bet CharDee got DH that because she's never going to give him anymore babies." Nobody else laughed and one of our friends just said "That's a bit rude don't you think Jack? I think you should apologise."

Jack laughed it off and said "I didn't mean anything by it but Anna shouldn't have to feel bad about presents just because CharDee feels bad about not being able to have kids. I'm not overstepping here but we know she didn't want anymore anyway."

I just felt like shit and couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just stood up and walked out. I got in the car and drove home. We only live a five minute drive away so when I got home I just text DH to apologise and asked him to either walk with DS or call when he's ready to leave. Not ten minutes later DH was home with DS and the other friends (with the exception of Anna and Jack) and suggested we order a takeaway instead and stay at home.

Jack has since sent me a message basically saying he uses humour in awkward situations and that he's sorry I didn't find it funny but thinks everyone leaving was an overreaction and asked if I could explain this to everyone that it's nothing to be offended over. I haven't replied because I honestly can't put in to words how I feel but now I'm slightly worried that I over reacted.

Was I wrong to leave the meal and then was it wrong for DH to leave and bring everyone home? Apparently DH said he was leaving and his friend (who is the one who asked Jack to apologise) suggested Jack and Anna stay and everyone else come to see me. I'm worried that I made the afternoon all about me when all I tried to do was not get in a ridiculous argument and cause a scene!

Bloody hell, I'm speechless. You handled it very well.

You did the right thing.
And so did you husband

You were in no way, shape or form unreasonable.
Jack is a massive cock who should crawl under a rock.
Im very glad that you walked away and even more glad that the others followed.
What he said was nasty and vindictive. bin him. keep the other friends.

Jack sounds horrible. I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

You handled it well and your friends and your DH all backed you up. Jack was well out of order. You did not overreact.

With the exception of him you clearly have very thoughtful and kind friends. The only person who caused the situation was him, don’t blame yourself. I would just ignore his message and move on xx

I think you left with your dignity intact and your have a fabulous DH and friends

Jacks an arse

It wasn’t funny

Jacks wife should’ve left with your DH

Jack should’ve paid for the meal

What an incredibly nasty man.

I’d drop them as friends , end of problem . I think you handled the situation perfectly , as has your husband and the other friends .

You, your husband, and the rest of your friends handled it exactly right.
Jack needs to fuck right off.

What a stupid thing to say. And then trying to shirk responsibility by saying he uses humour when awkward?

You did the right thing. Do not feel bad and I wouldn't even worry about responding to him either. Knob.

He's a stupid insensitive bastard you did nothing wrong

Jack was well out of order. It was good of his friend to have that reaction and show him it was out of order. Jack was rude and offensive and I am shocked he sent you a text trying to get you to sort his mess out. If people think he was offensive then that's up to them, they react how they want. If anything he should have been sending you a massive apology in which he acknowledges how insensitive he was.

This has actually made me tear up a little bit. I can't believe people like this exist!

Not an overreaction and I wouldn't reply to his non apology

Fuck Jack.

And well done to your DH and other friends there for having your back. The fact they got up and left and joined you shows how much of a prick Jack was. No wonder he is sweating.

How on earth can you think you're wrong? Jack was appalling! The rest of your friends sound like decent people, they are probably horrified on your behalf.

I don't think you have done anything wrong. Someone said something incredibly hurtful to you, in front of other people, so you left. Quite rightly I think.
The fact that everyone else followed and left Jack and Anna behind speaks volumes imo
Don't waste anymore energy thinking about it. And certainly do not try and dismiss Jack's behaviour to the others. It's his job to try and redeem his self, not yours. He sounds like a vile little shit tbh.
I'm sorry for your loss

Jack is a thoughtless arse.

Don't reply to him. He clearly sees nothing wrong in what he said and wants you to capitulate so all your friendship group take him back.

I wouldn't speak to him again unless he genuinely apologises.

Yeah, don't spend time with jack again. What an absolute arsehole.

You did exactly the right thing and your DH was great.
‘Jack’ is a nob. It’s very easy to laugh off an amount of money spent on someone because everyone has different priorities for their money. You don’t have to be nasty to someone else.

I did not expect that many messages! Thank you everyone, I do have a lovely DH and friends. We ended up having a lovely afternoon and DH broke out his new console! A few are still here now and pregnant friend has insisted on mixing me a few different cocktails so that she can watch me enjoy them

Should I reply to Jack or not? I am supposed to be meeting Anna this week to take DC to soft play but don't know if it will be awkward.

I would say it was a totally unforgivable thing to say and Jack would be on my no friends list. There really is no coming back from what he said.

Enjoy your takeaway with your supportive friends

I think the fact that your dh and friends backed you up should reassure you you're not over-reacting.
The first comment could have potentially been brushed off as foot-in-mouth (insensitive arse), if he had apologised when prompted. The fact he kept banging on was well out of order.
I'd feel sorry for his wife.

Wow, just wow. I don't think I've ever been openmouthed at a thread on here before. What an absolute arse Jack is. That would be the end of the friendship for me.