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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him wait.

237 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 16/06/2019 01:09

So dh has been ill and has needed quite alot of support from me. We have 3 dc also.
I have been run ragged keeping things going at home and taking dh to his many appointments and work etc. Also helping with dressing and doing all the cooking etc etc.
Thankfully I only work part time. As a result I have missed out on leisure time eg gym etc.
Anyway dh has been in hospital since Friday following a planned op. He believes he will be discharged on Monday.
Today I said that he may need to wait till PM for collection as I had a group to attend and also wanted to go on a planned walk.
He wanted me to attend earlier group but I pointed out that I had also planned a walk as I desperately need some self care/ me time.
His response was so you ard going to leave me at hospital when I can be at home .....
Aibu to think that he was unfair to guilt trip me or aibu to potentially keep him waiting to attend mv group/health walk.

OP posts:
curlykaren · 16/06/2019 01:11

I think that's pretty unreasonable of you really.

sergeilavrov · 16/06/2019 01:12

Gosh it sounds as if you’re going through a tough time at the moment. I recognize you need some time to yourself, but if I were you I’d do the earlier group, take dh home and then go off for a walk once he’s settled. It’s not nice to be left in hospital for longer than need be, and I am sure he’s keen to get home (and help you out too!)

justbeniceplease · 16/06/2019 01:14

I think YABU.

Not just because he will want home ASAP but because he can't just hang about clogging up the ward so you can go for a walk. Unless you expect him just to wait in the reception area after being discharged.

Surely a walk is less important, as you can literally walk anytime.

HarleyS · 16/06/2019 01:14

I'm thinking more of the hospital.
They will need the space and bed.

Houseworkavoider · 16/06/2019 01:15

Yabu
It all sounds very hard work for you but you can’t honestly think leaving him in hospital whilst you go on a walk is fair?!

Sparklesocks · 16/06/2019 01:16

I think it’s a bit mean, I understand you’re under a lot of stress but it’s not his fault he’s unwell. Sometimes we need to put our needs aside temporarily when our loved ones are ill.

Sparklyshoes16 · 16/06/2019 01:19

Tough one but is there something deeper going on? If I was in your shoes I would pick DH up not not bother going to group/hi earlier...get him settled at home then pop out for a walk...could you leave your children with a family member or neighbour just whilst your getting DH settled bank I'm at Home/going for a walk?

Mrskeats · 16/06/2019 01:19

Reverse surely? If not YABVU and selfish

Sparklyshoes16 · 16/06/2019 01:19

Sorry for typos!

Sparklyshoes16 · 16/06/2019 01:21

Tough one but is there something deeper going on? If I was in your shoes I would pick DH up not bother going to group/go earlier...get him settled at home then pop out for a walk...could you leave your children with a family member or neighbour just whilst your getting DH settled back at Home/going for a walk?

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 16/06/2019 01:23

Lost my post. It is purely hypothetical at the moment as he may not even be discharged on Monday. In terms of beds they tend to transfer to a discharge lounge so no bed blocking.
I could go to earlier group and cancel planned group walk and do something on my own if discharge is early.
Maybe I am just frustrated as I feel like a juggler with too many balls right now.
Thanks for perspective.

OP posts:
Guadalquivir19 · 16/06/2019 01:27

When I was in hospital last year, it took the medical team almost 5 hours to discharge me. There's a lot of waiting around for Dr's to sign off paperwork & other admin. I also had to wait another hour for my meds to be prepared.

How about you go to your group then ring him to see if he's been discharged. If he hasn't then you can go on your walk and collect him afterwards. Just make sure you both communicate throughout the day.

justbeniceplease · 16/06/2019 01:30

When I was in hospital last year, it took the medical team almost 5 hours to discharge me. There's a lot of waiting around for Dr's to sign off paperwork & other admin. I also had to wait another hour for my meds to be prepare

Meanwhile lots of other people get discharged much more quickly.

5 hours is by no means standard.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 16/06/2019 01:34

Yes from previous experience discharge is normally late afternoon rather than morning but I was just managing expectations in case I couldn't get there immediately.
Wil probably leave it that he rings when almost ready.
Anyway need to sleep as youngest finally asleep.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 16/06/2019 01:34

Could he go home in a taxi?

If not, I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 16/06/2019 01:49

Being in hospital is dreadful
BUT in my experience lately, it's hard to get discharged till later afternoon or evening

S1naidSucks · 16/06/2019 02:08

You poor woman. It sounds like you’re run ragged and unless people are carers, they’ve no idea. If he has a lounge to wait in, then he’s going to be fine, until you get that precious few hours of self care, because once he’s home, you’ll be run ragged again.

MrsArnott · 16/06/2019 02:17

YABVU. Your first sentence says "so DH has been ill and has needed quite a lot of support from me". YOUR HUSBAND IS IN HOSPITAL ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS A PARK WALK?!! If you were in hospital and your husband posted about this there would be cried of outrage from other Mumsnetters. Jesus your not going to miss a lot are you? I believe wedding vows state in sickness and in health, just remember that.

MrsArnott · 16/06/2019 02:18

You're* god I hate it when other people do that

FuckOffTommyRobinson · 16/06/2019 02:31

This reply has been deleted

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PregnantSea · 16/06/2019 02:52

Go and pick him up in the morning.

I know it's unfair, I know you're tired and I know you were looking forward to this walk. But it's pretty vindictive to leave him waiting around at the hospital all day when he can go home in the morning. If I was him I would feel very unloved in that situation.

Once he's feeling a bit better you will be entitled to some me time to regroup after this busy period.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 16/06/2019 03:12

Seriously? Your husband is in hospital and you are prioritising going for a walk over picking him up? Man, that is cold! If I was your husband I would feel so hurt!

brummiesue · 16/06/2019 03:18

Not every ward utilises the discharge lounge plus they are also limited in space. What this means is that poorly patients are awaiting beds, nurses and bed managers are juggling balls trying to bed every patient and keep the hospital flowing.
Just so you can have a walk, words actually fail me AngryAngry

MrMeSeeks · 16/06/2019 03:25

I think you know you need to go and pick him up.
It isn’t fair to leave him or to take up a bed.
Are you far from the hospital?
could you Go to an earlier group and then ask him to ring you when he’s going/is discharged? Then you have your walk on your own but leave when he needs you?
You do need some time on your own as it’s sounds really tough, on both of you.
Don’t let this come between you.

Topseyt · 16/06/2019 03:50

You really can't just leave him waiting. I think you know that. Presumably if it were the other way around and he prioritised a walk over collecting you from hospital you would be angryç

Collect him first, if they are actually ready with his discharge paperwork. Settle him at home and then go out on a walk.