Mum wants to come on holiday with us :( help!

[Dsdx]

My mum has suddenly decided that she wants to join me, my husband and son on a holiday that we’ve planned with my sister & her husband. We sisters are both pregnant so we decided to have some chill time together. My husband wants a relaxed holiday. Us sisters love our mum but really don’t want her around. She’s made us feel so guilty saying things like she doesn’t want to miss opportunities to be with us and that the three of us will never be in the same city etc etc. She’s never been so loving so not sure why she’s got a bee in her bonnet about this sisters bonding trip. Should I just be honest and say, no this is our trip? If we let her join in, my husband wont be pleased at all :( as it will change the dynamic of the holiday. Advice?

'It's a shame but DSis and I just wanted a bit of pregnant bonding time together while DH & BIL do their thing. Maybe another time'
Sorted.

Can she join you? I.e is it a villa holiday? Trying to think of a way she can legitimately be refused.

Being cynical, was she panning on paying her way, or did she think she'd get a free holiday?

If you can make a promise and stick to it, tell her not this time. You and your DSis will have a break with her at a later date.

Is she not nice to be around? How will she change the dynamic?

I would personally not be bothered if my own mum came, but we get on, she is a great help, and we have holidayed together in the past.

If you both really don't want her to come, could you maybe suggest a small trip just you sister and her away for a night.

Yanbu. Say to her ‘this one is really all planned out already but let’s plan a trip for the three of us later in the year’ or something like that. You don’t need to give excuses, just say it’s already planned but there will be other opportunities.

Maybe your mum wants to make amends for how she has been in the past.

I wouldn't, it's not fair on your husbands, just tell her no

I'd say you'll arrange a ladies onliy weekend for the sisters and Mum separetly, but this holiday is already sorted and you don't want to change anything, it's for you and Sis.

Tell her it's a nudist place....

If you don't tell her details she can't crash it...
Tell her this is just you girls, that it is all already sorted. But she can plan a weekend away with you later in the year.

it's a no way from me too, it sounds like a muscling in to me and changes the dynamic, twos company and all that.

Can you tell her there's no space for her?

Could she come for, say, a weekend and you’d have the rest of the time to yourselves?

It does sound really needy, though. My DM would never dream of inviting herself on holiday (and we are actually going on holiday with her this year, at my and DB’s invitation!)

How much post baby help with you guys expect from her? Maybe shed like to bond with you too, as having both daughters pregnant is unusual.
If she's going to be a hands on gran then why not.

Yanbu it sounds like it would be a lovely holiday for both your families and if it's going to change the dynamics and upset people then she shouldnt come.
Tell her that you've booked already and that you wont be able to get accommodation or flights etc. Make sure everyone sticks to the same story. Dont get into long explanations.

I'd take the sisters thing away from it altogether
"Mum we are going away as we are friends, our husband's get along, it's two couples, two families going away together, we happen to be sisters but you aren't missing out on some family trip. If we were going with friends you wouldn't consider it so please just think of it like that. You coming changes into a family style holiday which is not what any of us want."

My friend had this recently, they all wanted to go together, two sisters and their families. The mother asked, neither wanted her to come, one sister stood her ground, the other didn't. Now the mother and one of the sisters are in Spain and the other sister is at home, totally unfair

She’ll end up just getting upset. She was already nearly crying when she said she wants to join us. Just feel like I’m either a bad daughter or a bad wife. So frustrating!

It’s hardly a “sisters’ bonding holiday” if you’re taking your families. Why do people feel the need to be so nasty to one another?

Don't tell her there's no room, no flights etc. If she really wanted to go, she could find out that's not true. Be upfront.

Just all stick to the same story. It is all booked and there is no room at the inn! Give her no details...

Or just tell her no! You have planned the holiday you want and will talk to her about another, maybe just the 3 of you, for a weekend, perhaps!

We are staying at my sisters house. No space there so she said she’ll book a hotel near by

She’d pay!

Surely difficult anyway if it is already planned as you would have booked for family that is going, maybe make an excuse around that. YANBU as it will make the holiday totally different and if you had planned on DM coming you would have factored that in to your plans

Just seen your replies, she sound like she could be quite persistent if she is booking hotel room