Mum wants to come on holiday with us :( help!

[Dsdx]

My mum has suddenly decided that she wants to join me, my husband and son on a holiday that we’ve planned with my sister & her husband. We sisters are both pregnant so we decided to have some chill time together. My husband wants a relaxed holiday. Us sisters love our mum but really don’t want her around. She’s made us feel so guilty saying things like she doesn’t want to miss opportunities to be with us and that the three of us will never be in the same city etc etc. She’s never been so loving so not sure why she’s got a bee in her bonnet about this sisters bonding trip. Should I just be honest and say, no this is our trip? If we let her join in, my husband wont be pleased at all :( as it will change the dynamic of the holiday. Advice?

so everything anyone ever does should involve their parents as they won't live forever? What a load of horseshit.!!
Does the DM ever see one daughter with out involving the other? If so hypocrisy!!

Why should the husband have his holiday hi jacked by his mil? The mother is being partially selfish as she has already stated that she knows her son in law doesn’t want her to be with them. She’s a bloody selfish woman if she’s prepared to cause problems between her daughter and son in law.

so everything anyone ever does should involve their parents as they won't live forever? What a load of horseshit. Absolutely agree with this!!

It's not a standard family holiday already as more than one family unit is going so no-ones 'hijacking' anyone's holiday. Such melodramatic language.

She goes on loads of holidays! She just hates to be left out. I feel bad but she’s not the motherly type but suddenly she wants to be

Were you looking forward to your holiday before DM piped up?
Are you still looking forward to your holiday now she has?

i wouldn't tolerate ANYONE going on holiday with dh and me esp. not our grown up dc, his or mine. it's our time and if that's selfish that's tough, thankfully we both think the same.

"FFS! I love the idea that staying with her sister is not a holiday!

Maybe that's all they can afford.... mybe it's the 'chill time' they value... whatever, it their time off work, it is their holiday!

But fucking hell! Only on MN would you hear that staying with family does not constitute a holiday!"

Exactly. That struck me too.
Most of my holidays are staying with someone.
Do I not go on holiday then?

me and sister wouldn't dream of excluding our mum like that but then we get on with her and enjoy her company. If you don't then it's tricky

You've referred to it as a bonding holiday but not a family affair, yet the entire family is going but not your mother.

I'm in agreement with the others, ther is no underlying issue with your Mum you're just choosing to exclude her. Not nice. IMHO.

Think you’ll just have to stand your ground here and not give in to the emotional blackmail

but why should parents or other relatives think they can muscle in if you don't want them too ?

I'm the opposite @Apolloanddaphne, I love it when my children get together without me, they are adults who have former adult relationships and that doesn't need me.

When OP said it was her sister's house, I took that to mean it was her sister's holiday home - is that correct OP?

@MyOpinionIsValid

So why didnt she invite the mother to the conception of the child? Surely she's seen OPs bits before so if theres no underlining issue, she's chosen to exclude her mother.

Not every fucking thing has to involve every person in the family.

i hate the emotional blackmail of crying it's so controlling, i ignore it when my dm has done it. she soon stops when she doesn't get a response. [massive back story]

You will have to say no and be firm as it could keep happening every time you want to do something. DM used to sometimes throw tantrums like this then wouldn’t be speaking to either DB or me for various reasons, usually until she wanted something.

It’s your holiday you have every right to say no. However remember when you have a newborn she has every right to say no to helping out.
If you put a thread on here complaining about your mum not wanting to help out with children then lots of posters would say they can’t understand grandparents not wanting to help.
However isn’t this the same thing? You don’t want to spend time with part of your family?

Disfordarkchocolate I agree! It's great to be all together sometimes but I too get pleasure from seeing/knowing how close to each other they are and that they spend time together without their parents

God I really hope I've raised kids who will wanna hang out with me when I'm older

I'm another older person who understands where the Mum is coming from and why she is so hurt. I love my adult children as much as I every did and given the choice there is no one else I'd rather spend time with. It's a bitter pill accepting that adult children do not always feel the same.

I think I have been misconstrued. My DDs do meet up together without me. Actually as a family we don't all get together very often.

It was just in this specific case when they are both pregnant and getting together for a while it seems sad that the DM cannot see them together for at least some of that time. She isn't even expecting to stay with them. It is an exciting time for both sister but surely for the DM too about to be a grandmother.

Does she ever getting to spend time with both you and your sister together?

My dc aren't quite adults yet, but I can imagine that when they are old enough to be married with their own families, I will absolutely treasure any time I get to spend with them together.

So basically a married couple are never allowed to go away on their own? If ever either parents/parents in law say they want to come, then they can?

How ridiculous. What if the OP and DH like relaxing and getting up late but mum likes getting up early and insisting everyone joins her for sightseeing of she throws a strop? Why shouldn't they have a break doing what they like?

Is it ok for OP and family to demand they go on DMS holidays?

Why not invite her for a few days?