About ds finishing uni ?

[ginorwine]

Ds had gap year prior to uni and has now completed a non vocational
Degree .
Due to a combination of personality ( not planning ) and troubles with his partner , ds is now heavily hinting that he wants to come home in order to save money to then go travelling , after which he will seek to establish a career .
Little idea what he wants to do . We asked him to see uni careers -after some time they suggested he did ma but his heart isn’t in it , and no further guidance .
So .. option to remain in uni town with few mates ; get a job and the travel
. This difficult because the rent is expensive so it limits what he can save .
He has suggested that he returns to us.. which we have agreed to but that he either comes with a view to saving for travel and pays us rent or if he wants to live in the area we live in , he can live with us rent free for say 3 months to build some income and find his feet then look for his own place .
He has told us that a lot of his pals are returning home and he feels isolated by our conditions or something and now implies that he will stay in his uni town . We said we thought that the best option initially as his pals there and more employment .
He seems hurt that we are not rushing to ask him return home but are encouraging his independence . ( have offered pay some of his rent there to enable him to save for travel
If that’s what he chooses)
.
In all truth we would like him to be independent but it seems the expectation is that he is supported to live at home whilst saving to travel .
D p and I both left home after uni and I guess we expected the same ( or live with parents for a short while .. and whilst we know it’s more difficult we gave offered to pay some of his rent .
Seems expectation clash
His to return home
Ours him
Not to ..
I don’t wan to distress ds so am
Asking A i b u?

He is doing a trade.
He also qualified as a tiler recently.

In the middle of tiling my shower room.

He quite fancies living in Spain and putting in swimming pools (although he is frightened to death of their cockroaches.

Next course he is going to learn how to put in skirting boards, door frames and hang doors then painting and decorating and then plastering.

What’s this madness about wanting to travel? He needs to get earning

That’s why I suggested Flight Attendant.

Travel and get paid for it

He won't grow up if you keep making his choices for him though, will he?

Either he can come home or he can't. You don't get to decide what he does whilst he's there. Or what he saves his money for. That's not his independence is it?

Should say Ds has something else he wants to explore but I think he needs to be a bit older. He just lacks confidence atm

I feel I don't want to to say he doesn't want to work in an office as he may be cutting himself off from something interesting. He does say that though. I don't have much jobs experience so can't really advise him. Dh is the same.
It's hard to know what to do.

@zippybungleandgeorge

With all due respect you could buy a house for a fiver when your generation graduated, having lived off grants and paid no tuition fees

I'm in my 30s. My parents generation never expected to go travelling for a year. Yes houses were cheap but inflation was crazy and everything g else like TVs cars etc were unaffordable. Yes they bought a house easy enough but then sat on the floor for a few years and played cards and cycled everywhere as they couldn't afford anything else.

It's a bit different asking to live at home to fund a deposit rather than to blow it on travel

I feel I don't want to to say he doesn't want to work in an office as he may be cutting himself off from something interesting

I have worked in offices. There isn’t anything interesting about them.

Dd could never work in an office either.

She likes to chat and meet different people and go to different places.

The idea of going to the same desk in the same building with the same people doing the same thing day in and day out fills her with dread.

She would rather do 2 or 3 12 hour shifts per week than get up at 6.30am to commute to a job and not get back till 6.30pm 5 days per week.

The thing is if your Ds doesn’t want to work in an office then cross those things off the list.

With the internet I think it is easier than ever to look at what is involved with different careers. I had no idea about a lot of different career paths before starting on this task.

Also don’t automatically believe what you need qualification wise.

Dd does 2 jobs that the internet would have you believe you need a degree to do.
Dd barely scraped a handful of GCSES.But she is organised when it comes to other people and is super confident, (too confident at times)

Either he can come home or he can't. You don't get to decide what he does whilst he's there.

She does if she's the one paying for it.