To send this response re. party invite?

[Wavingwhiledrowning]

Another childrens party thread. I had no idea how tricky 5th birthday party politics would be to navigate!
So DS is having his party at a local soft play centre on Saturday. I sent out invites ages ago, but have had to chase loads of people up to get a response (that in itself really annoyed me!).

We invited the whole class, because it's a small village school and DS is something of a social butterfly! So it's not an especially small affair, and therefore not that cheap.

Last night DS's best friends mum messaged me to ask if her other daughter could come too. I don't want to say no, because I don't want to seem mean. But at the same time, I really think it's a bit CFish - each child is an extra £9 a head. It would also look a bit odd as DS has other friends with brothers and sisters that he knows better (and also know DD), so it feels like I'd be snubbing them.

So my response is going to be something like:
"Unfortunately we're at the limit headcount wise for the party food. But the play centre is still open as normal so your daughter would obviously be welcome to join in that way."
Is that OK and clear enough? (but not too abrupt?).
Thanks!

I think that's fine.

I think thats absolutely fine and she is being rather rude to ask.

I'd say 'hi, it's really just a party for children in my DC class but you're welcome to pay for softplay entry at the door for siblings, and the cafe will be open too'

I often have to ask about 1 child due to childcare issues. I always hate doing it but always say said child will stay with me and not take part in party

BUT if it was at a soft play then I would take other child along and pay for them.

So i think that reasonable to say.

I think that's fine. The normal procedure if you ask for a sibling to join at pay per head type parties is to offer to pay. Or at a soft play don't even ask and pay for them on the day and buy them their own meal.

Invisimamma's message is clearer I think

I hated this....it really is so CFery. Yes, ur response is perfect. No way would I want to fork out for a sibling

I'd add in something about paying for her daughter herself. Otherwise she may think you will be.

Wow, cheeky mare. I would just put the first bit. She may try and bugger off and leave her child with you otherwise. She knows it's open to the general public, it's the party bit she's interested in

Yeah it's fine, OP. She is being a CF imo.

I wonder how many of those Mums actually read MN and realise it though 🤷

No. No. No. Just say 'I am at the limit we set for party guests. The play centre is open to the public if you wish to stay there with your dd. It's about £x to get in'.
Do not get into a situation where you are looking after extra kids while their parents piss off for the afternoon.

I would say you're limited on numbers but the softplay is open to public but she'll have to pay her in.

Depending on what she's asked for and her circumstances it's not necessarily being a CF.
I've had to ask to bring siblings along if its at a time I've no other childcare. I do always say I'll pay though and that they won't be having the party food.

Are you sure she didn’t just mean do you mind if other DC comes to the soft play and she will be paying separately anyway?? I have done that numerous times, I don’t have to ask to bring my child to a public place (unless it is exclusively hired out) I have brought my younger Dc and sat away from the party with him and paid for his playtime and food (my DD is not comfortable with me leaving her at those parties) . I have also had a parent ask me if they could bring toddler dc and they would not be involved in party and it never bothers me. I don’t think she’s being a CF, maybe she has no childcare 🤷‍♀️ I think your text is fine btw but I wouldn’t add anything else.

Thanks all. Those responses are definitely clearer - I didn't want to make it sound like I was going to pay for anyone else so the "open to the public" bit is perfect.

I just don't understand what's wrong with people!

You need to make it clearer in your text that you won't be paying entry - some people will 'sign in' their extras on your list at the door. Be more direct:

Of course fine for you to bring XX. You'll need to pay entry and sort food, though, I'm afraid, as we're at full numbers for the party. Hope that's OK.

'Hi, I'm pretty sure it's still open to public and you can just pay on the door, I'll check'

You've just got to act like that is what you thought she meant

Yep it’s not clear enough that you won’t be paying her entry and that she can’t join the party itself.

I am at the limit we set for party guests. The play centre is open to the public if you wish to stay there with your dd. It's about £x to get in'.

This suggestion by Drum is better.

No problem at all with her coming to soft play at the same time but you’ll need to pay in for her and get her food as a normal customer yourself. I’m at the absolute max for the party guests.

I agree. Some parents are so rude in expecting siblings to take part.
If every child at the party brought their siblings along, it would be twice the number of children you invited, so you have every right to be firm with her.

If one of my children is invited to a party, I would never dream of asking for the siblings to be included.
If I didn't have child care, then I'd take them along and pay for them to play at the public soft play.
When the party children were eating, I would buy the siblings something from the cafe.
I'd like assume most mums would do the same, but I've been gobsmacked myself by the number expecting me to cater for siblings.

We had someone arrive with a sibling in tow, but it was okay for them to take part in the softplay party as an invited child didn't show.

Be clear with the staff that there are no extras cleared to add themselves to the party list!

The soft play we use for parties are always privy to CF parents they have a list of all party guests names that get checked off and any siblings the CF tries to sneak won't get past the post without paying. The amount of times I've seen parents arguing with the staff saying 'I'm sure

Absolutely fine to say she’s welcome to accompany her dd to the soft play centre as will also be open to the public and has a cafe

Well she is being a CF , if she intended to bring sibling and pay she wouldn't have asked

Definitely mention that you cannot provide food. Most soft play centres are really strict about this and if an extra child comes in to the party room to eat then they will say something and OP may be put in a very awkward situation of having to ask her to go back out.

Make sure she knows she needs to look after her own daughter. There was an epic thread not that long ago about a woman dumping both her kids without a word to the host. The police and social services got involved.