To send this response re. party invite?

[Wavingwhiledrowning]

Another childrens party thread. I had no idea how tricky 5th birthday party politics would be to navigate!
So DS is having his party at a local soft play centre on Saturday. I sent out invites ages ago, but have had to chase loads of people up to get a response (that in itself really annoyed me!).

We invited the whole class, because it's a small village school and DS is something of a social butterfly! So it's not an especially small affair, and therefore not that cheap.

Last night DS's best friends mum messaged me to ask if her other daughter could come too. I don't want to say no, because I don't want to seem mean. But at the same time, I really think it's a bit CFish - each child is an extra £9 a head. It would also look a bit odd as DS has other friends with brothers and sisters that he knows better (and also know DD), so it feels like I'd be snubbing them.

So my response is going to be something like:
"Unfortunately we're at the limit headcount wise for the party food. But the play centre is still open as normal so your daughter would obviously be welcome to join in that way."
Is that OK and clear enough? (but not too abrupt?).
Thanks!

Loving the English bashing. I wonder if we replaced English for any other country how long would the posts be allowed to stand

It’s considered extremely rude by well mannered people/in clutures with a well developed hosting culture.

Hilarious. Nope. It's staggeringly rude to expect all your DCs to be invited to every party the others are invited to.

We're obviously a more advanced culture here but you'll get there in the end.

I actually think she was fair to ask considering the amount of parents on MN that get their head in a tiz over parents leaving their children at parties... She probably doesn’t have childcare for the other child and wanted to double check it would be ok, at least she bothered checking!

'Loving the English bashing. I wonder if we replaced English for any other country how long would the posts be allowed to stand '

Well Gamer you've just about summed it up there.

@emummy You are assuming she is English - she could easily be Scottish, Irish or Welsh

If she’s Irish she’s not British. Ffs!

She probably doesn’t have childcare for the other child

Then invited child can’t make it and the world keeps turning...

'Do English people on here know that English people are hated abroad?'

Sounds like most of the 'hate' comes from yourself TBH

@Moneybegreen DH is of Asian decent, I am Eastern European. In both cultures being a good host is considered very very important. Part of that is preempting childcare issues and/or upset to siblings of being left out. This also applies to events where parents are invited. Few people take up the extra invitation and prefer to arrange childcare but its nice that a host had thought of your needs as a guest not just about their desire to have you at their event.

Why are people talking about turning up invites? She hasn’t, she asked if her dd could come along, OP hasn’t said if the mum meant as part of the party and OP paying or if she is talking about going to soft play and paying for her DD herself.

It really isn’t rude to take your other dc to a public soft play when one dc is at a private party there. That is what I imagine this mum is saying.

uninvited*

@DasiesAreOurSilver I never said anything about expecting invitations. I agree that assuming your child is invited (especially if your hosts are British) is odd. Andhringing along extras is extremely rude. I was talking about not inviting siblings.

So Op just to clarify

'Last night DS's best friends mum messaged me to ask if her other daughter could come too.'

Was it as you said

Or 'can Betty join in with party if I pay for her slot'?

No I think you need to make sure that they will be responsible for paying their other dd in to the softplay and paying for any of her food. Make sure there is no wiggle room for them to misunderstand exactly what you mean.

@MarthasGinYard - exactly as I said. Literally "can xxx come too?". Which was a bit ambiguous, and the reason for my uncertainty.
Clearly if she said she'd pay, it would be a no brainer - and if anyone else brought other siblings along and paid, it would obviously be fine. The more the merrier, and they'll have a great time! I just can't justify paying for other children to eat when I'm already paying for so many others.

As ever, I am amazed at these AIBU threads. Really didn't expect it to take a rather sinister turn!

@PotatoesDieInHotCars

Please please link to this thread?

Quite Op

Thought that is what you meant

I'd certainly go

"Yes, think it's still open to public you can just pay on the door"

Or similar

I wouldn't even get into discussing party.

@saraclara but that doesn’t mean those things aren’t rude. Just because a culture doesn’t consider it to be rude doesn’t mean it isn’t

It isn't rude in that culture! It may well be very rude in someone else's, and if you live in a different culture, then you have to adapt to that. But each culture has its own standards.

I just assumed she was asking if it was ok to come to soft play? Where we are siblings often come along,not to join the party but to play themselves. Likewise if a hall type party siblings often do come to join in.

It's a bit daft making generalisations about the English being rude. By that logic, surely the French are better known for rudeness, the Germans for their lack of humour, the Russians are all drunks etc. I've met people of all the above nationalities and these stereotypes didn't apply at all. What's the point saying we're rude? Stupid and unnecessary contribution to the thread.

In most cultures it's rude to 'gatecrash' a party. Which is what this CF is trying to do. Her inviting the sibling herself us far ruder than said sibling not being invited.

It’s ideal that her child can still play at the venue, outside of the party. So think that’s a win alround.

I remember being a kid and it was the norm for parents to drop and run. Every birthday party I’ve been to with my DD parents are expected to stay now.

Only ever had one party for her (we go out for day trips and things with one or two friends usually) Utter nightmare. It was a hall with a bouncy castle though so I did say siblings can come too, but I knew all the mums and their kids.
Per head activity. Nooo way. It’s your child’s birthday and they want who they want there. I don’t understand why some posters think inviting a bunch of siblings with no connection to the person the party is for (the party isn’t really meant to be for the guests is it, it’s for the birthday boy!) is the right thing to do.
Definitely make it very very clear OP that she is not able to attend the party part in anyway but Mum can stay with DD in soft play if she pays etc etc. Also please tell us if she replies!

@UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3524255-Or-do-you-not-leave-kids-unattended-at-a-birthday-party?messages=100&pg=1

Have you sent the message yet? You really need to be very clear that she needs to pay the entrance fee and pay for food for the extra child herself because you won't be. And make sure she stays and supervises the extra child. If you're not clear then you end up being stuck with it.

@PotatoesDieInHotCars

Yay thank you!

@IvanaPee drop and run!!

a parent can stay if they want, my Dd is 6 and would not be happy if I left her at a public soft play I’m not going to ignore her needs in order to keep an adult happy

If it’s a public soft play then I am also entitled to take my other child, I don’t understand what you DONT get about childcare issues?? My dh works away for weeks at a time and if my dd wants to go to a party then she will go and I will take my ds and play with him separately....I don’t put in or out on anyone by doing that imo!!