To send this response re. party invite?

[Wavingwhiledrowning]

Another childrens party thread. I had no idea how tricky 5th birthday party politics would be to navigate!
So DS is having his party at a local soft play centre on Saturday. I sent out invites ages ago, but have had to chase loads of people up to get a response (that in itself really annoyed me!).

We invited the whole class, because it's a small village school and DS is something of a social butterfly! So it's not an especially small affair, and therefore not that cheap.

Last night DS's best friends mum messaged me to ask if her other daughter could come too. I don't want to say no, because I don't want to seem mean. But at the same time, I really think it's a bit CFish - each child is an extra £9 a head. It would also look a bit odd as DS has other friends with brothers and sisters that he knows better (and also know DD), so it feels like I'd be snubbing them.

So my response is going to be something like:
"Unfortunately we're at the limit headcount wise for the party food. But the play centre is still open as normal so your daughter would obviously be welcome to join in that way."
Is that OK and clear enough? (but not too abrupt?).
Thanks!

Message has been sent! Very clear (even looked up the entry fee and commented on the cafe). And I offered birthday cake too because I'm not a complete meany!

She replied saying it was all fine.

End of thread! Hopefully. This was my first foray into AIBU and I'm not sure I liked it! For a moment there I thought it was all going to turn on me! . shuffles back to the safety of the gardening board

Goodness me. Some of the responses. Our soft play has max 30 for a party. That's the class size. No room for siblings which most of kids in my sons class have at least two of. I'm not having a party for 90 kids, soft play couldn't accommodate. So does that mean my son shouldn't have the party he wants

@Waveysnail what a great place! I’d love to be able to book out our soft play.

Solves a multitude of problems.

@Youngandfree that’s your prerogative, of course. I’m just sharing childcare is not actually a reason to bring a sibling because it’s not mandatory for your kid to attend a party! Which is just a fact.

@Boggles - in my culture it's extremely rude to criticise a culture I am not a part of because it differs from my own. Having not been brought up an ignorant bigot, I am capable of understanding that all the wonderful cultures of the world each have their differences when it comes to social etiquette. Those who were brought up with manners wouldn't generalise and make such offensive comments about others' ways of hosting a child's birthday party.

*saying not bloody sharing!

@IvanaPee yes because a 6 year will totally have the capacity to understand that they can’t go to a party because I don’t have childcare

I’ve often had to tell my dc they can’t do or go somewhere for a plethora of reasons. They all survived it.

Wow! My lunch break finishes in 1 minute, otherwise I'd be posting something very critical of a few bigoted, classist and discriminatory posters. Imagine if a nasty Brit, English person posted the sort of judgment and stereotyping that's on this thread?

My DD2 (now 7) was regularly invited to soft play parties in reception and year 1. We used to often take DD1 (now 10) with us and pay for her entry. It's no issue if the place is open to the public. We just explained to her that she wasn't invited to eat the party food and there wouldn't be a party bag. (It was problematic at times, as she herself had never been invited to many parties.)

So that's definitely the way to word it, that the place is open to the public (assuming it is) but she'll have to pay separately.

Wow! My lunch break finishes in 1 minute, otherwise I'd be posting something very critical of a few bigoted, classist and discriminatory posters

I wouldn't bother, the rude posters who have evidently not been brought up with any manners regardless of culture will be all over the report button like a rash whinging to mummy.

well done OP - might join you in some gardening too!

@Howlovely in my culture it's extremely rude to criticise a culture I am not a part of because it differs from my own. Having not been brought up an ignorant bigot, I am capable of understanding that all the wonderful cultures of the world each have their differences when it comes to social etiquette. Those who were brought up with manners wouldn't generalise and make such offensive comments about others' ways of hosting a child's birthday party.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@emummy the PM is hardly necessary

I'm pretty bemused by the trouble that some posters seem to have, when they go abroad and are constantly confronted with people sharing their unflattering assessments of the English.

Most people are like everyone else. Getting on with their lives, sometimes annoyed by inconsiderate tourists, but accepting of the fact that it's impossible to lump an entire nation together because people are diverse and different.

I'm proud of my country. There are definitely things it needs to do differently and better, but there are lots of things that are positive. Generally speaking it's a pretty tolerant place - you have freedom of association, freedom of religion, freedom of sexuality, rights to equal pay and fair treatment enshrined in law, a social care and health system based on universal access etc. None of these things are perfect - and there are times when it goes badly wrong. But the fundamental intent is there. In the same way that every culture has its positives and negatives.

It was polite pm to clarify my thoughts, I didn't put it on the thread because I didn't think it was relevant to the discussion.

OP : "AIBU to ask for a little guidance about a fairly mundane matter of etiquette, in order to ensure my message is clear and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings?"

Most posters : "Here is some advice. You're welcome."

Some posters : "My God, I just hate the English. Bastards all. Everyone hates you, you know. They're always telling me. I'm barely off the Eurostar before they're collaring me to tell me how much they hate you. I'm half-English, and I hate you too. Do better. Hope that helps."

Fair

Afternoon, everyone. Just an appeal for a bit of peace and love here! Sounds like the OP has the situation in hand now but if people want to continue to discuss the potential rights and wrongs of soft play party etiquette, we'd like to keep it civil and without either personal attacks or sweeping statements about entire nations if possible! Thanks!

Are you all mad? If she didnt turn up becayse she doesnt have viable childcare options to keep other dc at home she would get moaned about.
If she came and left her child while she took thw other child elsewhere (probably upset that they cant go to the party too) then she would get moaned about.

What do you want people to do? Pay for a baby sitter so a she can take one child to a crap birthday party. Oh and you must make small talk with the host. Because we are all Soooooo grateful that we have to waste our saturday at a crap party. And if something does come along like a family meal ..... dont you dare drop out.

Fucking mumsnet. You cant do right

'Are you all mad? '

Erm....

She could RSVP declining the invitation, Fake. That didn’t occur to you?

And @emummy you didn’t clarify your thoughts, you reiterated your ignorance. 🙄

This thread is like top trumps on who sees themselves as the most civilised whilst insulting other people, thus diluting their claims.

I always say siblings are welcome but let me know in advance. That's me and I'm happy with that. I don't ask others if my youngest can come if they are hosting a party because I feel if they were welcome they'd have said already.

Fakename
The other way to have done this was for the woman to ask if it’s ok to drop and leave her ds as she has no childcare for the sibling. That would have given the opportunity for op to have had a different discussion. Your post is dramatic and ridiculous. Parties are very important to small people. A family meal can usually be rearranged.

Mummyoflittledragon
Then this thread would be about how an entitled mother asked if she could leave her child while the OP has 30+ kids to look after.

She literally cant win.

Inviting children to a party is great but some people couldnt think of anything worse than going to a kids party and getting judged by the parents for absolutely everything.

She messaged first to ask. That is polite.
Maybe she doesnt know that you have to pay by head. Maybe she thought you book a room or something like that.

I'm regularly the mum who has to ask if I can bring DD's little brother as well, but I always offer to pay my way. This has either involved paying him in at the door and buying him lunch at the cafe, or sometimes he's been added as an additional party guest and I've paid the per head cost for this.